OK, here goes. I hope this doesn't turn into a gender bashing thread, so try to keep it civil, mmmkay?
I recently went on vacation with a guy friend who is going through a divorce. He's been dealing with this for several years already and it should be final in a few more weeks, unless his soon to be ex throws up yet another roadblock. They have no kids together, but she is disabled and cannot work (and apparently didn't have AFLAC
). She was not in this condition when they first got married, it happened afterwards. Anyway, the bottom line is that after just about 10 years of marriage, she will be getting half his military retirement and heaven knows how much per month in alimony.
He will have to support her the rest of her life. There were a number of things contributing to their divorce, but the main one was that she was mentally unstable and emotionally abusive towards my friend. She has dragged out the divorce proceedings and pretty much wiped out any savings my friend ever had. He will be starting from scratch once this divorce is done, and will probably have a crappy credit report to go along with the rest of the mess she has caused.
So ladies, would you date a guy in this situation? (No, I am not dating him - he and I are incompatible in lots of ways that have nothing to do with finances but he is a good friend.) I'm just curious if a guy paying alimony would be a dealbreaker for anyone? He does have a good career and should be able to get back on his feet, just as long as she doesn't keep dragging him back to court for more money. I don't really know how that works -
if a guy is paying a certain amount for alimony can it be adjusted if he gets a higher paying job? What happens if he loses his job and has no income?
Just wondering.
I care a great deal for this guy and think it sucks that his future relationship chances might be harmed because of this one vindictive woman.
And just to be clear, I have several girl friends who were royally screwed over by their ex-husbands and ended up struggling to raise kids on their own with zero financial help from their exes - so this is an issue where both men and women can be the "bad guy".
I'm specifically asking if alimony is a dating dealbreaker for anyone?