transferee opinions: is it worth leaving friends/family for a job? (Atlanta: appointed, transplants) - Georgia (GA) - City-Data Forum

tomoveornot · 05-01-2008, 07:31 PM

Still debating this huge move in our lives. In order for my husband to advance his career with this company, we have to go to Alpharetta. Part of me says, fine, we'll go, he's the breadwinner. The other part of me says, no, I don't want to leave my family and friends for a job. This is Chicago and I believe with his CPA he would be marketable anywhere. So, I'm torn between supporting his career and staying here where I and the kids are comfortable. My question is this: Do other transferred families believe the move for the career was worth it or do you wish you would have stayed in your home state?

aries4118 · 05-01-2008, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomoveornot

Still debating this huge move in our lives. In order for my husband to advance his career with this company, we have to go to Alpharetta. Part of me says, fine, we'll go, he's the breadwinner. The other part of me says, no, I don't want to leave my family and friends for a job. This is Chicago and I believe with his CPA he would be marketable anywhere. So, I'm torn between supporting his career and staying here where I and the kids are comfortable. My question is this: Do other transferred families believe the move for the career was worth it or do you wish you would have stayed in your home state?

Great thread topic. I'm interested in learning about people's different experiences and opinion.

Oh, and good luck in your decision...whichever one that may be.

gt6974a · 05-01-2008, 11:17 PM

Not a transferee, I'm local but if I were y'all I wouldn't transfer. Friends and family are most important. I went to school in Atlanta, I work in Atlanta, and still stand the traffic 30 miles out each day to be around my friends and family.

If he's a CPA he's marketable everywhere. What's an extra 10-20K after taxes, not much but good luck.

Iconographer · 05-02-2008, 05:13 AM

How does your husband feel about this? Is he dead set on the move or as conflicted about it as you are?
This is such a tough situation, especially on kids...I would think that a CPA could have a flourishing career within the confines of Chicagoland.
My cousin and her family left Chicago for San Francisco years ago (her husband was 'restless' in his career and was offered a great opportunity)...she never warmed to SF and found herself trundling her family back to Chicago as often as possible.
Admittedly, that city is a tough act to beat.

BobKovacs · 05-02-2008, 05:58 AM

I'd say it depends on the job, and how much better you could live in the new location. If the job is a substantial increase and you're moving to an area with a lower cost of living (which you would be in a Chicago to Atlanta move), it may be worthwhile. If the job isn't allowing you to increase your standard of living enough to compensate for the sacrifice of being away from family/friends, it's likely not worth it.

We moved from NJ to Atlanta last year- not with a job transfer, but just to get a better quality of life. My salary has stayed essentially the same, but we're able to live in a far better area, with 3x the house at 1/3 the price, and with far less stress. My family still comes and visits, and the friends that we were really close with still stay in touch, and my wife has made far better friends down here in 9 months than she did in NJ in 8 years. In our case, it was an excellent move- your mileage may vary.

kaday · 05-02-2008, 06:18 AM

We left our family behind in the Northeast for a transfer. We have transferred often but never this far away. The good news is Atlanta is easy to fly into from almost anywhere and you can always find cheap flights. My family does come and visit. Atlanta is a good destination for travelers, lots to do, things to explore etc.

We are very happy here and I don't think I will be looking to move North any time soon. We live in an area full of transplants and as a result now have an extended family of people here who are also without relatives. The weather is great, the cost of living is much better and we have found great schools. People are friendly and helpful for the most part. I have no complaints or regrets.

RainyRainyDay · 05-02-2008, 06:29 AM

I think this is a very individual question, depending so much on the people involved and their situation. We have mixed feelings about our move - like some things about being here, dislike others. Even more in retrospect than at the time, though, we didn't have much of a choice. We were in a corporate downsizing situation - it was take the transfer or find a new job, and a new job would have inevitably required a move, due to our location at the time. Taking the transfer was the prudent choice.

At the time, I remember discussing how if we were being offered a transfer to some place closer and more congenial (west coast), it wouldn't have been such a different decision. But life doesn't always present the exact options that one would like to have.

I do think moving (even moving away from friends and family) is not necessarily a bad thing. I've known many people who wouldn't consider uprooting their kids. However, having moved several times long-distance as a child myself, I know a relocation is not necessarily going to blight a child's life. It can give them a broader perspective, new friends, possibly a better school, etc.

tomoveornot · 05-02-2008, 07:49 AM

Thanks for all the thoughtful input! I know it is a personal decision but it's just so tough to make. My husband wants to go but knows that I won't be happy being away from my sister so he is trying to be patient while I figure out if I can handle the move. I feel guilty if we don't go because he is happy with this company and wants the opportunity to be a vp. But then I also feel terrible for taking our kids(10, 8 and 2) away from their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I am stuck in the middle because either way someone will be dissappointed. I also hate our 6 months of winter so the thought of being able to go outside more is appealing. We could get a comparable house around the same price as here so really the only driving factors on the move are his career and getting away from the snow. This is giving me more gray hair and sleepless nights.

kaday · 05-02-2008, 08:15 AM

I totally understand how you feel. I think I have accumulated a lot of gray hairs over the moves and years. As far as the whole process goes, the first 4 months after you move are very tough. After that it really gets better. It is a blast to explore new places. Kids adjust very quickly, much more so than us grown ups.

As far as the cousins grandparents thing goes, I find that since we are living far away from my family (I have seven siblings most married with kids), we are considered the "special ones". It is a huge deal when the cousins see us for both them and my kids. The kids love it. We are treated like celebrities when we go home. And it is very special when they come here. Like a mini vacation for us too. Growing up sort of in the same boat, I have fantastic memories of thoses trips to see my cousins. We talk about them at weddings and reunions now when we all are together.

I thought my kids would too be scarred from all this moving. Now they casually ask me "where are we moving next Mom, I hope it is someplace great!" My jaw actually drops when I hear this. It comes up a lot. I guess they have learned that it all works out, you can still keep your friends and memories, and look forward to new places and people.

Good luck with whatever you choose. You will always find people on this site that are willing and happy to help you.

BobKovacs · 05-02-2008, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaday

I totally understand how you feel. I think I have accumulated a lot of gray hairs over the moves and years. As far as the whole process goes, the first 4 months after you move are very tough. After that it really gets better. It is a blast to explore new places. Kids adjust very quickly, much more so than us grown ups.

As far as the cousins grandparents thing goes, I find that since we are living far away from my family (I have seven siblings most married with kids), we are considered the "special ones". It is a huge deal when the cousins see us for both them and my kids. The kids love it. We are treated like celebrities when we go home. And it is very special when they come here. Like a mini vacation for us too. Growing up sort of in the same boat, I have fantastic memories of thoses trips to see my cousins. We talk about them at weddings and reunions now when we all are together.

Exactly. My sister came down last month with her kids, and my girls didn't stop playing with them for more than 2 minutes at a time for 4 days. When we lived in NJ, we'd see them at least once a month and it was more like "oh, we're going to Zac and Jesse's again?"

IMO, you've got to do what's right for you and your immediate family- the rest of the family will adapt and survive without you being around the corner. When we were growing up we saw my cousins very regularly- yet as grownups, I wouldn't know most of them if they walked up and kicked me in the head, so it wouldn't have had any traumatic effect on me if we'd moved away when we were younger.