What would you do regarding Halloween/Xmas? (to buy, live)

[Chaofan]

Originally Posted by kharing

You may be right! I didn't promise nor talk to anyone about giving anything beyond the school shoes - and I kept that promise. I just was unnerved when I read the letter. I was raised by a single mother who worked hard to provide for us....never asked anyone for free stuff for us. She taught me the value of an education and work ethics. That's why I didn't want to just write them off completely.

If the kids asked, I think I would feel different, but their mama has over ten days to get her hustle on and provide costumes for those kids!

Trust your instincts. Don't let your good heart lead you into a situation that could turn out to be something more than unnerving.

And you're right, there is plenty of time for the mother to do her job and take care of her own children's needs. It is not your problem.

[kharing]

Originally Posted by Chaofan

Trust your instincts. Don't let your good heart lead you into a situation that could turn out to be something more than unnerving.

And you're right, there is plenty of time for the mother to do her job and take care of her own children's needs. It is not your problem.

Thanks to you and everyone for all of the advice! I appreciate it!

[L in sobo]

You don't wake up on drugs one day. It takes many, many bad decisions to get there. Hard times maybe a reason - but never an excuse. I know plenty of people that have pulled themselves out of bad situations without turning to drugs and having children - then neglecting those children.

[CSD610]

You provided what you said you would and that is where your obligation ends.
The costumes and Christmas gifts is in my opinion the Mother hoping someone else will take up her responsibilities as a parent and fix this so she does not have to deal with it.

If asked again I would gracefully decline and leave it at that. At some point this woman has to come to terms with the fact that she has children that she needs to be responsible for or those children need to be in foster care, which at times is not the best solution either.

[rootless_in_va]

I agree with the commentariat, I wouldn't buy the costumes/gifts either.

OTOH, since you and AwesomeNeighbor both like the kids and it sounds like she's crafty, any chance of having a make-your-own-costume day at Neighbor's house with some basic art supplies? If they're young enough to appreciate having fun making something themselves and you and the neighbor could have a good time doing it, it might be a way to help the kids without giving into the mother's demands. If they're in the age range where that would be more embarrassing than fun and/or it's not feasible for you *and* Neighbor to team up on it, I don't see that there's really anything you can do that won't just target you for increasingly demanding requests from the mother.

[kharing]

Originally Posted by rootless_in_va

I agree with the commentariat, I wouldn't buy the costumes/gifts either.

OTOH, since you and AwesomeNeighbor both like the kids and it sounds like she's crafty, any chance of having a make-your-own-costume day at Neighbor's house with some basic art supplies? If they're young enough to appreciate having fun making something themselves and you and the neighbor could have a good time doing it, it might be a way to help the kids without giving into the mother's demands. If they're in the age range where that would be more embarrassing than fun and/or it's not feasible for you *and* Neighbor to team up on it, I don't see that there's really anything you can do that won't just target you for increasingly demanding requests from the mother.

I found out that the mother sent a similar letter to my neighbor. Seems she has a history of trying to get people to "loan" money and buy things for her family. Needless to say, there will be no Halloween costumes from me...or anything else! She doesn't work, and neglects her children. My neighbor told her to contact her social worker/case manager if she has financial issues from now on.

[rootless_in_va]

Originally Posted by CareyNPratt

I don't blame you then. Good thing on doing your research.

Yup, seconded. I feel bad for the kids, but agree with you and your neighbor that it's not a situation you want to get enmeshed in.

[L in sobo]

She makes up 10 copies of those letters and sends them out each year. I would hope the kids get the costumes but I doubt it- and what if you and your neighbor both took the time to buy those costumes? Think she would return them for cash? Or sell them to someone else? She is a user- plain and simple. By helping her you would be enabling.

I knew one girl that was raised by a junkie- but she had support from neighbors and she is a successful young woman today. I knew her only after she was working and on her way... But her neighbors provided help through counseling, advising her. Never money. And she went to her neighbors - they never intervened. And her sorry mother tried to bring her down for years afterwards- like a monkey on her back. Stealing from her, nearly getting her arrested. It rarely ends - the family drama.

I have known or lived near junkies long enough to know one thing. The old saying us true... How do you know a junkie is lying ? Their lips are moving.