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I'm going nuts here....my Dad has been in hospital/rehab/hospital since 05/14.
He is 83 and whatever the hell was wrong with him took part of his mind. He is lucid and then he wanders off to another planet. He has also become totally dependent for care.
Doctors said there is no more they can do for him and he needs a long term care facility, well only having Medicare that's not going to happen. My mother had an appointment with social services for medicaid but she's not providing what they ask for, she's always been that way about people knowing her business.
She is taking him home today, doctor, nurses have told her 100 times she is NOT capable of taking care of him and we can't be there 24/7. She's 79 and not in the best of shape either....so he comes home via ambulance today.
My husband says I need to get her declared incompentent, uncapable...how the hell do I do that as she has her faculties just being totally unreasonable here
I'm going nuts here....
My mother had an appointment with social services for medicaid but she's not providing what they ask for, she's always been that way about people knowing her business.
My husband says I need to get her declared incompentent...
I know you don't want your Dad to be in danger but your Mom may figure it out quickly that she cannot take care of him.
Is she truly incompetent? Or just stubborn on this one issue.
Best of luck - perhaps others will have some additional insights.
I don't want to see her in danger eithr by hurting herself trying to are for him and he gets reall bad at night..Sundowners they call it, but your suggestion may hopefully be the answer.
No she is not incompetent in the legal definition just not listening to reason on this,
This is difficult. I did have to go to court to declare an elderly relative incompetent. Laws vary a little from state to state but if your elder person knows who, when, and where they are, you pretty much can't do it.
HOWEVER, it would be easy to get some kind of elder advocate to say your father needs more care than your mom can provide.
Most likely, it will just take a little time for your mom to figure out she can't take care of her husband at home. She needs to be talking to the social worker and getting advice from an attorney who specializes in elder affairs.
You can get a lawyer yourself and seek to have a legal guardianship created over your parents. This would allow you to make the decisions that need to be made here. Of course, you'll tread on your parent's toes and your mother will be very upset. It will also cost you some money to get this type of guardianship. I have charged $1,500.00 to do so similar work as an attorney in my state. Without your parent's consent there will be a need to have a hearing in court. A second attorney will probably have to visit with your parents and make a report to the court concerning their physical and mental competency to deal with their own needs and affairs. This report has a heavy bearing on the court's decision to create a guardianship.
The process is initiated by your attorney filing a Petition for Guardianship in the court of general jurisdiction where you live.
It can be an ugly situation and you have my empathy (I have a 93 year old mother). However, I made myself a promise long ago. That promise was that I would always do what was right for my parents, even if they were mentally or emotionally incapable of seeing what was right.
If you need any additional questions answered, feel free to send me a DM.
This is difficult. I did have to go to court to declare an elderly relative incompetent. Laws vary a little from state to state but if your elder person knows who, when, and where they are, you pretty much can't do it.
HOWEVER, it would be easy to get some kind of elder advocate to say your father needs more care than your mom can provide. Most likely, it will just take a little time for your mom to figure out she can't take care of her husband at home. She needs to be talking to the social worker and getting advice from an attorney who specializes in elder affairs.
Thanks Yellow if she doesn't figure it out quickly that may be an option. I live over 100 miles away one way but my two sisters are close about 30 minutes to keep an eye out
I'm going nuts here....my Dad has been in hospital/rehab/hospital since 05/14.
He is 83 and whatever the hell was wrong with him took part of his mind. He is lucid and then he wanders off to another planet. He has also become totally dependent for care.
Doctors said there is no more they can do for him and he needs a long term care facility, well only having Medicare that's not going to happen. My mother had an appointment with social services for medicaid but she's not providing what they ask for, she's always been that way about people knowing her business.
She is taking him home today, doctor, nurses have told her 100 times she is NOT capable of taking care of him and we can't be there 24/7. She's 79 and not in the best of shape either....so he comes home via ambulance today.
My husband says I need to get her declared incompentent, uncapable...how the hell do I do that as she has her faculties just being totally unreasonable here
For the immediate present you are screwed, but....
A crisis will occur, hopefully not one that will kill either one of them, and then you will be able to resolve things very quickly. Seeing friends in this position, the unable would-be caregiver is usually quickly overwhelmed and gives in....however unhappily.
Good luck to all concerned.
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