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I agree with the above....and I can't for the life of me figure out why Jane even bothers, if all her visits accomplish are anger, and disrespect....I find her comments about wanting to really hurt her mother very concerning, I'd be afraid to let her visit without some kind of supervision, I'd probably express those fears to the staff, though I doubt that they'd care as they must surely hear the anger coming from the room when she "visits"....Janes got major problems if she's directing sooo much anger and "abuse" to a 95 year old woman who can't change the past, and probably has only a few years left...Jane is no doubt angry (in part) because she wanted the power of attorney, and didn't get it.
I am amazed at the number of posters who are so quick to condemn "Jane" based on the mostly second-hand reports filtered through one single person - the OP. When two people are having a spat, why jump in and take the side of one of them? We don't have enough objective, dispassionate, and unbiased information on which to base a judgement.
I am amazed at the number of posters who are so quick to condemn "Jane" based on the mostly second-hand reports filtered through one single person - the OP. When two people are having a spat, why jump in and take the side of one of them? We don't have enough objective, dispassionate, and unbiased information on which to base a judgement.
I spent almost a decade helping terminally ill people in home settings and hospital settings. The idea that someone's approaching death resolves what in many case are life-long mutually hostile relationships is a pipe dream in my observation. Sometimes what I saw was the opposite, it seemed sometimes that both the dying person and the one they had had a bad relationship with were in a last minute frenzy to get even before there would be no more chances. I saw it between siblings, between spouses and between parents and children, and when it happens it is very ugly: a lifetime of animosity coming to a boil.
Old and dying, Jane's mother may nevertheless be very busy throwing fuel on a lifetime fire and loving it. And trying to resist reacting to a lifetime pattern of a hellish relationship isn't easy. Jane isn't superhuman, from the reports. From what I saw, few people are when faced with these extreme situations.
If the OP is deeply concerned, then talk to the social worker at the nursing home.
None of the rest of us really know what went on in the past, or what is going on now. Though it is fun to take the moral high ground.
I am amazed at the number of posters who are so quick to condemn "Jane" based on the mostly second-hand reports filtered through one single person - the OP. When two people are having a spat, why jump in and take the side of one of them? We don't have enough objective, dispassionate, and unbiased information on which to base a judgement.
Aren't most responses to the OP based on what the OP wants to know?....it's got nothing to do with taking sides...the OP asked a question on a forum, and everyone that responds is answering in a way that they feel might be helpful, or possibly offer insight as to why things are going down the way they are......http://www.city-data.com/forum/newre...ply&p=25963559...this post might help you to understand Escort Rider.
When the older lady who is 95 and lives in the nursing home doesn't
want to see her daughter anymore, she will tell her.
She isn't senile, so she doesn't have to go to lunch with her
daughter if she doesn't want to.
She can tell her niece, or someone at the nursing home
she doesn't want to go out with her daughter any more, or
even receive visits from her.
The nursing home is probably very aware of the arguments already.
I do wonder why these two mentally competent adults choose to go on these excursions together that appear to bring nothing but discomfort to both of them. It doesn't sound as if either is dependent upon or intimidated by the other.
I am amazed at the number of posters who are so quick to condemn "Jane" based on the mostly second-hand reports filtered through one single person - the OP. When two people are having a spat, why jump in and take the side of one of them? We don't have enough objective, dispassionate, and unbiased information on which to base a judgement.
I agree with you. And, you don't know what the mom did to the daughter. Could have been years of abuse, anything. People don't feel what they feel for no reason.
I saw plenty in my time with patients, too. I once visited an older man, a home care visit, and he was the nicest liitle gentleman you'd ever wanna meet. Well, his son came in and we were talking. Son was very pleasant. I said, "You're dad is so nice." And, he replies, "You didn't know him when he was younger." He continues, "He wasn't like he is now." Hmmm. Common occurence of what I heard/saw. We don't know any of the stories behind these people--only a moment in time. There are so many land mines families have and you just don't know what the histories are.
I am amazed at the number of posters who are so quick to condemn "Jane" based on the mostly second-hand reports filtered through one single person - the OP. When two people are having a spat, why jump in and take the side of one of them? We don't have enough objective, dispassionate, and unbiased information on which to base a judgement.
Good point.
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