Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I joined the Elder Orphan page on FB. Partly because I am an Elder Orphan and partly out of curiosity. It's mostly women and a large number of them are struggling financially. And many of them are in this situation because they spent years as a caregiver. Instead of making money and preparing for retirement, they were caring for sick/elderly family or disabled children.
As a group, we caregivers are too altruistic. We need to consider our own interests as well as the people we care for. If they have money, we should be paid. Even if all we do is save the money for our own retirement. If our patient had to hire full time help, they would be out a minimum of 4K per month. How much are you being paid? Probably just like me, nothing. And also just like me, you probably spend some of your own money on your patient.
If your loved one is broke, so be it. We do what we do out of love. But if they have assets, some of that money should be going to you. When my parents died, I had been caring for them for more than a decade. They had more money when they died than when they moved in with me. That was a serious mistake on my part. They should have been paying their own way as long as they had the money to do so. After they died, half their assets went to my sister who had managed to fly in for a weekend every other year or so.
Next mistake, I believed my parents when they told me dad's VA benefits were worth nothing. I should have checked for myself. We could have collected an untold amount of money over those years. We need to make sure we take advantage of everything available to make the patient's and our lives easier!
In retrospect, I should have negotiated with my parents a fair share of their monthly income going to me for rent/utilities and care. And of course collected the VA benefits as well. I would be much better off today if I had.
Take care of your patient but take care of yourself too!
Every caregiver on this thread should read this post carefully and really, really think about it.
I agree that if parents have the money they need to pay their relatives for care rather than expecting them to do it for free. yellowsnow, if you had not been there to provide the caregiving services your parents would have needed to pay someone the $4,000 a month. Now, you are older and have far, far less in retirement money that you probably need. BTW, I bet that your sister did not say, "Here Sis, I am giving you all of the money that I inherited from Mom & Dad because of you giving up 10 years of your life." She got the 10 years of working, earning money for her retirement, living her life AND half of all of their money. It really is not fair.
Every caregiver on this thread should read this post carefully and really, really think about it.
I agree that if parents have the money they need to pay their relatives for care rather than expecting them to do it for free. yellowsnow, if you had not been there to provide the caregiving services your parents would have needed to pay someone the $4,000 a month. Now, you are older and have far, far less in retirement money that you probably need. BTW, I bet that your sister did not say, "Here Sis, I am giving you all of the money that I inherited from Mom & Dad because of you giving up 10 years of your life." She got the 10 years of working, earning money for her retirement, living her life AND half of all of their money. It really is not fair.
Life won't ever be fair and I'm good with that! Shoot...I can't even get all of the money I was supposed to get!!!!
I certainly agree with the premise that if those who require care have assets, and those who are providing care are not financially stable/well off - the assets should definitely be used to make the caregiver whole and not hoarded for some eventual possible inheritance. And that the persons requiring care should take advantage of whatever resources they're entitled to - whether that be county or state programs, or Veteran's programs like aid and attendance.
HOWEVER. There are many cases where waiting to get funds at an inheritance might be beneficial to a caregiver. Especially a caregiver who is still working full time and providing care in addition to that paid work. In that case the "caregiver's salary" might be sufficient (when added to their full time income) to place them in another tax bracket, or cause other unintended consequences. In those cases, it might be best for the caregiver to eschew being paid for their assistance, in favor of eventual recouping of money during an inheritance.
Same thing with charging room and board. Room and board = income - which means reporting additional income on taxes.
All in all - finances are a very complicated issue and there isn't really a one-size-fits-all solution that is right for all families.
I certainly agree with the premise that if those who require care have assets, and those who are providing care are not financially stable/well off - the assets should definitely be used to make the caregiver whole and not hoarded for some eventual possible inheritance. And that the persons requiring care should take advantage of whatever resources they're entitled to - whether that be county or state programs, or Veteran's programs like aid and attendance.
HOWEVER. There are many cases where waiting to get funds at an inheritance might be beneficial to a caregiver. Especially a caregiver who is still working full time and providing care in addition to that paid work. In that case the "caregiver's salary" might be sufficient (when added to their full time income) to place them in another tax bracket, or cause other unintended consequences. In those cases, it might be best for the caregiver to eschew being paid for their assistance, in favor of eventual recouping of money during an inheritance.
Same thing with charging room and board. Room and board = income - which means reporting additional income on taxes.
All in all - finances are a very complicated issue and there isn't really a one-size-fits-all solution that is right for all families.
True! I guess I am hoping we all address this issue to our own best benefit. For some that may well be inheritances.
However, I was married for almost 40 years to a man who was waiting for his inheritance. I can still remember his father making grandiose gestures on the front porch telling him, "All this will be yours some day." Every time I heard those statements I said don't believe it till it's yours! Sorry to say, I was right!
All kinds of things can happen!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
