Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Two months ago my wife had a stroke and since then I have been her caregiver. She is still young, 43. We have three children, two sons, 19 and 17 and a daughter 12. I do have some help which I am grateful for but it can get VERY difficult, not that I resent having to take care of her by any means, but it has all been very difficult. She needs help with everything from bathing, to dressing, to feeding to helping her with her period.
Our 19 year old is away at college but did come back to help, but had to go back and our other son and daughter have helped when appropriate. I realize a stroke can happen even for younger people but this came out of nowhere and it has been very overwhelming. Both of her parents are deceased and she has no siblings to help, a very close friend of hers has came to help which has been a blessing, but if anyone has any thoughts/ideas how to help I'd greatly appreciate it. Fortunately our younger son is doing well in school and is planning on going to college once he graduates. As for our daughter, she is going through the usual puberty things and it would be much easier with my wife, but I know that isn't possible. I am trying to find some ideas on what to do from here. Thanks for any help and advice!
God Bless you! Am so very sorry this has happened to you
Do you have a nursing school near you? Maybe you could get some help from them through interns or a residents program.
I would check with state programs. Some are very liberal, like OR. And give out checks and send 24/7 nursing care. Some are horrible like NV, and give next to nothing.
She also might qualify for SS disability and medicare.
My heart goes out to you. This is indeed difficult and I'm sorry your wife and you are going through this. It is awful this early stroke happened but because she is young, she has her youthful self that will benefit her in getting stronger. I know it will be a long recouperation still.
I think your family needs some support. Ask your doctors/ hositpal staff about support groups. I wonder if there are any groups for young people, your daughters age? If she was able to talk to other teens, it could help her.
Also, look for respite care for yourself. I don't know where or how unfortunately... call 211 ...community services in your area. Check with your school for assistance for your daughter and/ or support groups? Google support groups in your city? I'm sorry I don't know much to help you.
I just thought of something more... google books about young people strokes (or similiar wording). There are books out there. I realize there is not a lot of time to read but there could be insights that could help.
Plus, with all the reviews and information online about the books you can get a feel for books that would be best.
Remember, the medical treatment for strokes have advanced and your wife can and will recover. Convey that to her strongly! I am glad she has you and glad to hear your love for her.
Since you are far too young to retire and survive on the money that you saved for your retirement, I would make sure that everything was set with your career and long term caregiving. Please remember to consider that caregiving is a marathon and not a sprint. Especially with your wife's young age you may be facing many decades of caregiving, either hands-on caregiving or assisting with her caregiving or supervising her caregiving.
Will your wife qualify for Social Security Disability? Even if yes, since her work history was so short, it may not bring in very much money at all. However, it may mean that she qualifies for Medicare which would greatly help with her medical expenses and future hospitalizations. BTW, be sure to have a secondary insurance, as well, either a Medicare supplemental plan or continue her on your insurance plan from your job.
Contact your local Council on Aging and Disability (or a similar name) they often are very helpful in assisting people in getting services.
Good luck.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-25-2016 at 07:20 AM..
Look into Big Sisters for your daughter - a caring, stable adult would be a great role model and support for her just now (a sort of aunt-like figure). Girl Scouts might also be a good activity for her.
The American Heart Association and the Stroke Association have a world of free material plus excellent online information. There may also be a local support group for family members of stroke survivors.
Is your wife receiving in-home therapies? She should qualify for physical, occupational, and perhaps speech therapy - speech includes swallowing and eating as well as receptive speech and reading, not just spoken language.
I assume you have assistive items such as a wheelchair, walker, potty chair or elevated toilet seat, bathtub grab bar and stool, etc. in place. Other items that can make life simpler include a "sliding board" for transfers, a lazy Susan sit-upon for the car seat, perhaps a wheelchair/walker ramp, and adapted eating utensils - a cup with one side cut out, spoons with easy to grasp handles, a plate with a high side, and so on. A good occupational therapist can help assess what would be helpful.
A visiting aid can provide bathing, grooming and dressing assistance a few days of the week, depending on your wife's needs. Ask her doctor about putting her on the pill to stop periods for the time being. Unless it would affect her blood pressure adversely and thus put her at risk for additional stroke, this might be easier for everyone.
At your wife's young age, she can expect considerable improvement for at least a couple of years. Some have found that including music speeds things along, particularly speech - so play whatever kind of music she likes, sing to her and encourage her to sing along, have musical friends bring in their instruments, etc.
I was the primary caregiver for my parent after a major stroke, and while it was the hardest thing I've ever done, it was something I was privileged to be able to do.
Those who are devoted caregivers for their loved ones grow enormously in intimacy and compassion, and deserve accolades they rarely receive, along with support from those around them. Sir, my hat's off to you. Best wishes to you, your wife, and your family.
Thanks for all the advice! I have been looking for resources all over and have found some promising results. I am just trying to get through things day to day. I am trying to get used to helping her with getting dressed and such. Any ideas there?
If she can stand and get to the toilet seat with help, that would make a big difference. Her pants can be removed as she transfers to the toilet, and the new pants can be put on while she's sitting. When she's transferred to the wheelchair, the pants can be pulled up. I would install a grab bar though as I had a towel rack ripped out of the wall in the beginning.
Thanks for all the advice! I have been looking for resources all over and have found some promising results. I am just trying to get through things day to day. I am trying to get used to helping her with getting dressed and such. Any ideas there?
The best way you can help her is to make her do as much as possible for herself. Everything she does for herself is "therapy".... do you know what I mean? Even if it takes her 10 minutes to put a shirt on, she should try to do it. Even if she can only lift up the shirt, she should do it. Because it is exercise. Because she is re-training her brain how to do it. And it will get easier every time. And she will get a sense of accomplishment when she can do it.
Do not treat her like an invalid. Don't treat her like a patient. Treat her like your wife. Ask her for advice, push her to help in the family any way she can, and encourage her to do her therapy. Get in involved in outpatient physical and occumpational therapy as much as your insurance can pay. If she's in a wheelchair, make her push it herself.... with her feet in the house, with her arms in the community. It is exercise.
How long ago was her stroke?
How severe is it? Is she wheelchair bound? Can she stand? Can she move her hands?
How much physical therapy did she receive? Is she still getting PT? Is she doing her exercises at home?
She is young. I suspect she was otherwise healthy, yes? If so, there is an extremely good chance she will improve. The brain is amazing and it can compensate over time after a stroke, and can re-learn. Keep pushing her to do her exercise. A great activity for the youngest child is to sit with her Mom after school each day.... tell mom about her day/ask advice... while helping Mom do her exercises. Everyone in the family needs to chip in. Look for neighbors, church friends, work colleagues, all friends and family to help pitch in.
She can get better.
And don't forget.... depression is often a symptom after stroke. This is common and is not surprising since mood is controlled by the brain and her brain has been injured. But depression MUST be treated. People do better in physical therapy and recover more when their depression is treated. And you feel better, are more hopeful, and the family will be more optimistic and encouraging for you.
Doctors forget to do this... to treat the depression. Remind them.
Fairly loose-fitting knit pullover tops are easiest to put on and take off. Pants or skirts with elastic waists also work well. Avoid tight-fitting pants (slacks) and skirts for now. Your wife probably already has things that would work in her wardrobe. Nightgowns are easier than pajamas. For now, avoid things with buttons or zippers - they can return later on. It is likely that it will be easier for your wife to undo buttons than to fasten them. Be sure to praise her for her efforts to dress herself. If she likes to wear jewelry, necklaces that simply can be dropped over the head are easy to wear.
Big box stores offer inexpensive casual knit clothing that should work. Look for solid colors that will mix and match to get the most use out of them (red, white and navy blue is a good combo that works in all seasons). Pullover tops can be layered as the weather cools down, too. If one of her arms is seriously affected, shawls or poncho-style wraps might substitute for sweaters.
Your wife may need to wear a larger size shoe than usual. Look for sturdy, supportive flat-soled shoes that lace up or fasten with Velcro. A good occupational therapist can offer more helpful suggestions about clothing.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
