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It's been 4 weeks. She still lives in our 1 bedroom. She occupies the entire bedroom and during daytime the living room with her shows.
She has told my husband she's very happy with this scenario and that he's managing the situation very well.
I have moved out to my parents and visit 1-2 days out of the week.
She doesn't get along with her husband and her husband does not care a hoot about her.
She has seen fighting between me and my husband and not once has she asked how I feel about this scenario.
She's got a one week off cycle and plans to go back home only to come back again for the next 3 weeks and so on until she dies.
My husband is siding with his mother all the time and believes me wanting my own home is selfish. She's got cancer, she's the priority.
It's been 4 weeks. She still lives in our 1 bedroom. She occupies the entire bedroom and during daytime the living room with her shows.
She has told my husband she's very happy with this scenario and that he's managing the situation very well.
I have moved out to my parents and visit 1-2 days out of the week.
She doesn't get along with her husband and her husband does not care a hoot about her.
She has seen fighting between me and my husband and not once has she asked how I feel about this scenario.
She's got a one week off cycle and plans to go back home only to come back again for the next 3 weeks and so on until she dies.
My husband is siding with his mother all the time and believes me wanting my own home is selfish. She's got cancer, she's the priority.
You know what's best but I'd file for divorce. This man is never going to be on your side, even after his mother passes away.
Unfortunately the writing's on the wall OP. Looks like you will never have any rank in the family you've married in to. As far as they are concerned there's no problem. You can either accept that or leave. Rarely do I think there isn't some middle ground to be reached in family disputes but in this case doesn't seem to be any. Change your thinking about the whole mess (from what can I do to fix it to how soon can I leave it), contact an attorney, and make other living arrangements. Don't issue an ultimatum. Someone might call your bluff and you'd be right back where you started. Tell them when you are leaving and do it. I'm so sorry. I truly wish you all the best.
Make one last visit and then stop visiting. It's not safe due to covid, anyway, and it's clear that you are not a priority in your own home.
Make sure your finances are in order. When you next visit, make sure to take anything important - paperwork, jewelry, electronics, heirlooms, valuables. And then file for divorce.
It's very sad that your mother in law is ill, but your husband is showing that you will never be a priority.
I agree about moving the things you value out of the house, ASAP. When you are absent, you have no control over them or their use.
I think you have some big decisions to make about your future, but my advice is not to act rashly. Do consider your future.
More great advice. Please visit a divorce attorney. Often they have a free initial consultation where they will give you a lot of important and useful information. You will learn about both short term and long term considerations regarding getting a divorce, especially financial considerations. They will also tell you what paperwork you will need if you do decide to start divorce procedures. You may need to have official copies of your birth certificate and marriage license/certificate. These may, or may not, need to be ordered from the state. If you can surreptitiously do it, make sure that you make a record of your husband's financial information, such as bank accounts, credit cards and pension/retirement information.
Lots of good advice in all the previous posts. So think long & hard about what to do. He is showing you no respect. I get loving your parents, but you also need to love & respect the spouse.
She doesn't get along with her husband and her husband does not care a hoot about her.
Apparently "Mom" is one of those women who can't get a man to wait on her hand and foot, so she turned her son into a substitute husband/lackey. OP, I wouldn't be surprised if she did this a long time before you came along.
It's not like MIL doesn't have any choices. She has a husband, who when he married her, made vows to her. In sickness and in health, and all that. She's not at risk of being homeless. She has a home. A larger home with more space. She could have taken her cancer treatment closer to her home, which would have been the sensible, logical thing to do. But no, she decided to push a young couple out of their own bed and basically take over their tiny apartment and completely disrupt their lives unnecessarily.
Yeah, okay she has cancer but that does not turn OP into a secondary nobody who has no right to her own home or even her own bed. OP doesn't have choices like her MIL does. Having cancer doesn't give you the right to take over someone else's home when you have your own home. I can't imagine living like OP was. Probably sleeping on the couch at night and then when the Queen awakens and wants to watch her shows all day, OP has to vacate the couch for her. Where does OP relax? Where does OP get some quiet time, some personal space? Only one bathroom too. This whole setup makes zero sense and sounds like a nightmare. And it would not have happened if OP's "husband" had a spine. His mother could have demanded his and OP's bed and home all she wanted but all he needed to do was say no. But he didn't. Coz he's a spineless mommy's boy. When he made vows to his wife when they got married, he lied. He was married to his mommy. Disgusting.
Good for you, OP. Glad to hear you're out of that nightmare and with your parents. You've got some big decisions to make but you can be assured that what happened here was not okay. Not in the slightest. Family does not get to treat you so poorly like this. Your husband is wrong to say you're selfish for wanting your own home, your own bed. He's a weak mommy's boy. I'm sorry.
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