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Two Saturdays ago I got a call from my mom's home health care nurse. They had not been able to reach her for the last two days. Mom lives alone, dad was moved to an ALF about 6 months ago. She has been stubborn about going into one. This phone call came the week after Irma rolled up the state of Florida. Mom lives just east of Tampa. She had evacuated to a shelter, and came back home that Wednesday. I talked to her Wednesday night, and my cousin, who checks on her once a week, had been over Thursday morning. Well, I try her house phone and cell phone, nothing. I call my brother, he lives 2.5 hours away. He said last he had talked to her was Wednesday night also. He suggests try some more, then send someone over Sunday. I just didn't feel right, so I hung up and called the sheriffs department to have them do a wellfair check. Deputy calls me about 25 minutes later, he gained entry to the house and found my mom on the floor, in her bedroom. She was awake and responsive. They transported her to a local hospital and ran some tests. It was determined she had a mini-stroke, with paralysis on her left side. We don't know if the stroke is what caused her to fall, or what happened. She doesn't remember anything past the hurricane. She thinks the shelter people took her right to the hospital. We don't know how long she was on the floor, but it was long enough that she soiled her clothes. My heart wants to think it was only a few hours, but my brain thinks more like a day, day and a half. It's terrible to think about. She has been evaluated and moved to the same ALF my dad is in, 15 minutes from my brother. She will stay in the rehab portion for a few weeks, and move to her own room.
My brother and I tried for years to move closer to him. I used to live 15 minutes from my parents, but moved out of state 10 years ago. At least she is in a safe place now and will get care and some rehab. Just wish it didn't happen like it did. It could have been worse, sure, but it could have been better.
I'm glad your mother is now safe and getting care. It's tough when we don't live near our aging parents. Hope she recovers well from here. Since your father is already in the ALF, I hope it won't be too difficult for your mother to settle in and adjust to living there.
As much as I hated it when we had to move my folks to assisted living, I can't begin to tell you how much relief I felt about their safety and welfare. Hope this gives you some of the same relief.
So sorry to hear this happened to your mother. I understand how you feel just thinking about her on the floor for a long time with no help. Good thing you listened to your instincts and decided not to wait and called for a welfare check the same day. Some people will say it is her own fault for not listening to her children and moving out but it is hard for some to understand how hard it is for some senior citizens to leave their homes. To many, leaving their home is the same as saying my life is over. They want to hang on to the last thing that belongs to them.
There seems to be 3 categories of people in this situation. Some don't mind leaving because they will have less to take care of and they look forward to meeting new people. Others, don't want to leave but realize they have no choice because they need the help. The third are those that absolutely, no way will leave their home.
My neighbor is experiencing the same thing right now. Her mother can barely get around (she is OK mentally) and it is a bad situation. The children have tried everything to get her to move but she won't. They cannot force her and know it is at the point where a crisis has to happen (just like with your mother) in order to get her out of the house.
Like you said it can give you some comfort knowing she is safe and, hopefully, this crisis will help her see what is best for her.
It is sad that your mom had to go through that but, luckily, she has no memory of it. Try to think of this in positive terms. Some children have to constantly argue with their parents to try to get them to move someplace where they will be safe. Because this happened to your mom she now has a good example of what can happen if she continues to live alone. This may have put the fear of God into her without you having to be the bad guy.
Two Saturdays ago I got a call from my mom's home health care nurse. They had not been able to reach her for the last two days. Mom lives alone, dad was moved to an ALF about 6 months ago. She has been stubborn about going into one. This phone call came the week after Irma rolled up the state of Florida. Mom lives just east of Tampa. She had evacuated to a shelter, and came back home that Wednesday. I talked to her Wednesday night, and my cousin, who checks on her once a week, had been over Thursday morning. Well, I try her house phone and cell phone, nothing. I call my brother, he lives 2.5 hours away. He said last he had talked to her was Wednesday night also. He suggests try some more, then send someone over Sunday. I just didn't feel right, so I hung up and called the sheriffs department to have them do a wellfair check. Deputy calls me about 25 minutes later, he gained entry to the house and found my mom on the floor, in her bedroom. She was awake and responsive. They transported her to a local hospital and ran some tests. It was determined she had a mini-stroke, with paralysis on her left side. We don't know if the stroke is what caused her to fall, or what happened. She doesn't remember anything past the hurricane. She thinks the shelter people took her right to the hospital. We don't know how long she was on the floor, but it was long enough that she soiled her clothes. My heart wants to think it was only a few hours, but my brain thinks more like a day, day and a half. It's terrible to think about. She has been evaluated and moved to the same ALF my dad is in, 15 minutes from my brother. She will stay in the rehab portion for a few weeks, and move to her own room.
My brother and I tried for years to move closer to him. I used to live 15 minutes from my parents, but moved out of state 10 years ago. At least she is in a safe place now and will get care and some rehab. Just wish it didn't happen like it did. It could have been worse, sure, but it could have been better.
your mother is safe now, thank goodness, and if your feeling any guilt for this, please don't. You did the right thing. Yes, she could have been there for a long time, but thank goodness you went with your gut feeling.
For anyone reading this, this is why it is very important to zero in on a neighbor that you could call and ask if they would mind checking in on your parents. Explain that you live out of state, and you can't be there to do so.
It is always good to have neighbors to contact, to get feedback from.
She may have already been incontinent and was unable to clean herself up because of the accident. They will try to hide it even if they live with you.
In any event, the stroke would've occurred regardless of her living arrangement, but it would seem that she either has to live in an ALF or move in with a family member to receive home therapy.
Sometimes it takes a serious crisis to move forward.
This is what I'm hoping will happen in our situation. My father-in-law was feeling better after 2 units of blood on Friday, took too many laxatives, and he exploded in the bathroom, then slipped and fell in it. He broke a couple ribs when he hit the bathtub surround. He's back at home after a short hospital visit, but my husband finally said to me, "It's time for a nursing home."
I know she really was opposed to moving to an ALF, but when my brother went to see her in the hospital right after, she admitted she knew she could not live alone anymore. My brother had talked about going to court and having her declared incompetent, so we could move her to a safe place. At that point, I would rather have her mad at me and him, and be safe.
She seems to be responding to therapy pretty well, she is still very tired. After my dad was moved in and settled for a few months, my brother said he responded pretty well to meds to help with his memory. He seemed more aware and remembered prior visits. Hopefully mom will make some strides in that area too.
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