Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My Mom is 78 and at a facility, where she's been now for about eight months. My Mom is at a stage where she's still walking (with a walker), and you can have a normal conversation with her. Other than her short term memory loss and her frail frame, you wouldn't think anything of her condition.
The main problem we're dealing with now is her lack of hygiene. Even though she'll change her own shirts, she won't change her underwear, socks, or pants on her own and she refuses to take showers/baths. The facility gives showers once a week and at a scheduled time. If the patient refuses, they move on and that week goes by. I've told the place to call me and I will step in because it is important that she gets washed. I live about five min away and if necessary, I will come help give her a shower.
There have been times where she's gone 2-3 wks without a shower, and that is unacceptable to me. I understand you can't force someone to shower that says no, but these places should know how to deal with people at this stage. Reading info online, this is typical with dementia.
Yesterday, I went to the facility and helped give her a shower after over 2 wks. It was awful. My Mom didn't like the water hitting her body, or water on her head, or it was too hot (it was warm), or she was cold, every excuse in the book. I just wanted to put her in a bath and scrub her down, but this was just a chair with a hole in the bottom and a shower head. I didn't get a chance to wash her face because the soap they had wasn't safe for eyes, and the bath helper said to just use a wash cloth. Same with her privates, the bath helper told my mom to use a wash cloth and that was her getting clean. No, that's not how you clean your body in my book.
Anyone else have this experience? How do you get a person with dementia to take a bath/shower where they actually soap up and get clean?
The helper you mentioned is correct. In the end it will only be a warm, soapy cloth. Don't force your mother to do something you ascribe to. This is normal for older, dementia patients. As long as the towel is dipped into clean water, and she is wiped down, she is clean. They make special soaps for this. And your mother's helper knows this too. Listen to the trained professional.
You are forgetting how awful it was for your mother...
I can remember actually telling my parents, "You stink!" And both of these people showered daily for decades. Sometimes I bribed them, if you want to go/do X, you have to take a shower and change ALL your clothes. And if I didn't watch them...they would get cleaned up and put their dirty underwear back on! Even if the clean stuff was right in front of them.
The helper you mentioned is correct. In the end it will only be a warm, soapy cloth. Don't force your mother to do something you ascribe to. This is normal for older, dementia patients. As long as the towel is dipped into clean water, and she is wiped down, she is clean. They make special soaps for this. And your mother's helper knows this too. Listen to the trained professional.
You are forgetting how awful it was for your mother...
Empathy
They also make special "wet wipes" for the elderly that can be used in place of a shower. The package can be heated in a microwave (or put under running warm water) and they have a special soap on them that does not need to be rinsed off.
While she did not have dementia, my mother had severe arthritis and could not get in and out of a shower or bath tub for many years. However, she kept perfectly clean with just bed baths by herself in the earlier years and later with a family member helping to bath her.
Also, unless your elderly mother is running races or exercising until she starts sweating or doing manual labor or having dirty diapers how dirty is she really getting?
Please try to be more understanding of her fears.
Now, I would make it clear to the nursing home manager that you expect that if she refuses a shower, and they can't convince her, the staff needs to help her take a complete bed bath at least once a week. Going two to three weeks between bathing, and washing her hair, does seem rather long.
Good luck.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-06-2018 at 11:53 AM..
Yesterday, I went to the facility and helped give her a shower after over 2 wks. It was awful. My Mom didn't like the water hitting her body, or water on her head, or it was too hot (it was warm), or she was cold, every excuse in the book. I just wanted to put her in a bath and scrub her down, but this was just a chair with a hole in the bottom and a shower head. I didn't get a chance to wash her face because the soap they had wasn't safe for eyes, and the bath helper said to just use a wash cloth. Same with her privates, the bath helper told my mom to use a wash cloth and that was her getting clean. No, that's not how you clean your body in my book.
Anyone else have this experience? How do you get a person with dementia to take a bath/shower where they actually soap up and get clean?
They can get freaked out by the sensation of water hitting their body. It's not an excuse since many things can freak them out. You may have to bathe her several times before you get it right. Point the handheld showerhead away from her and adjust the temperature of the spray to a luke warm temperature. Try the feet first and move up. She may be able to eventually bathe herself once she is settled down in the shower. She will always complain about the water at first.
Do you know for sure she isn't getting a wipe down with cleaning wipes between showers?
I don't think so. They would have mentioned this since it's such an issue for her, and the fact I keep reminding them to make sure she gets a shower. Honestly, I didn't even think about that. Why don't they just give her a sponge bath if she refuses a shower? That seems a better option for someone who is so afraid to take a shower, or these wipes that were mentioned. There seems to be alternatives but to this place, the patient refuses then that's it, no shower.
Maybe I'll see if we can try a bath next time, since the water isn't hitting her skin like it does in the shower.
once a week? My mom used to also refuse to bathe, and yes even if they don't do anything strenuous, they do get stinky! One reason is because they also refuse to change clothes.
They would bathe her three times a week at the nursing home. Sometimes they would call us if she refused. They didn't like her to go without bathing.
I wonder why they are so afraid of water and if anything can be done about it?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
