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Do either you or your sibs live in the same town as your parents? If yes, of course someone should go to the hospital to be with them!
Your parents are not very old. People in their early 60s are usually very competent people. Your father is the first person to make medical decisions for your mom, but you and your sibs should discuss it with him and offer support, possibly guidance.
This brings up the importance of having paperwork in order if you want someone to help you, or if you want to help a loved one. It's good to start talking about expectations and plans.
I am so sorry - this sounds very scary for you. I hope you get more encouraging information soon. Meanwhile, send your mother some flowers with an encouraging note, and if you are close by, then do go to the hospital or to your parent's home, by all means. Don't ask permission, just go.
As others mentioned, taking blood pressure meds is not big deal - just a capsule at breakfast should do it, most of the time. Avoiding excessive salt might also be a good idea.
By now, your mom should be getting some test results, so should be getting a clearer idea of what her underlying problem may be. Talk to your dad about this, and urge him to list you and your sister as contacts for himself and your mother so you can call the hospital and doctors and get filled in. Once you know what's going on, you'll have a better picture of the path ahead.
Best wishes to you and your family. I hope you get encouraging news soon.
I was at work today and just found out my mom is in the hospital. I'm 30 and my parents are early 60s. My mom has been complaining of vertigo and trouble sleeping for awhile. I told her to go to the doctors if it's worse. Well apparently on Monday she threw up, than she was really dizzy the past few days. Then today she couldn't even get up out of bed. So they went to the hospital. Didn't even tell me or my sister until hours later.
My parents aren't good at giving information. They are afraid to upset us, worry us and want to pretend everything is fine. My mom told me her blood pressure was 200/160, but it's down now. They told her she either had a small heart attack or was going to have one. Now she has to take blood pressure meds forever. The worse news is that she has two either lesions or masses on her brain. I don't know which. I asked her if she wanted me to come there, and they yelled at me over the phone no.
I'll be honest, right now I don't know much. I'm just scared and had to leave work because I burst out into tears. I work in a hospital btw, although I'm not a nurse or doctor. The last thing I found out was they might move her to the bigger hospital and see a neurosurgeon.
I don't know what to do, say, feel. I feel sad and keep crying though. I need to be stronger than this. I just feel like brain mass is never good no matter what way you slice it. My mom has been forgetful for a long time. She asks the same questions a lot. Her mother was the same way actually and had strokes.
I don't know if they have to remove something. I'm worried what that will do to her brain. I don't know if it's cancer. My family is all I have. I haven't even had kids yet. I can't even imagine my kids not knowing my mom God forbid. My dad isn't good at dealing with things. He gets depressed when everything is fine, so I don't know what to do about him either.
I'm sorry this isn't very informative. I don't know where to go from here.
Sending you my love . It's hard dealing with sick parents, because they almost never let you "in" so to speak. You're still their baby and as you said they don't want to burden you. Try to think for the best and wait for the doctors to come back with more info. It's too easy in times like this to think the worst case scenario (I tend to do that too) and spiral more emotionally and mentally. My prayers are with you.
I knew taking blood pressure meds wasn't a big deal. My parents don't go to the doctors ever. So to my mom taking blood pressure meds is a big deal--I understand that it isn't. I was just saying what she told me about her issues. Also, I know my parents are young in age. However, unfortunately it really comes to mindset. For example, my husband's parents are the same age, but are very active, my MIL works out daily and eats healthy. His dad is fairly healthy too other than a skin cancer scare awhile back. My parents on the other hand are early 60s but act like they are 85, stubborn, thick headed, my mom has always refused to stop smoking. My dad refuses to stop drinking alcohol. They eat unhealthy. There's only so much one can do in my opinion for family members who don't want to listen or care about themselves. I only hope this situation will change their mindset. My family is also full of mental health issues.
The reason I couldn't just go to see them is because I work in a hospital ER and unfortunately you can't just leave whenever you want (I'm not a nurse or doctor but I'm a part of the care). That's part of the reason they didn't want me leaving work. Now, on Wed I did end up leaving and risked getting a ding against me because I care more about my family. But obviously, I would lose my job if I did it everyday. If I could I would quit my job so I could spend my time with my husband and family more, but alas can't afford to.
Anyway, since posting, I found out my mom has a brain aneurysm and her blood pressure is unstable. However, they discharged her and she has to check her blood pressure three times a day and go to a neurosurgeon next week. They can't do a procedure until her blood pressure is down. So I'm going to visit her today. There's not much that can be done I guess other than hope nothing happens in the meantime and make sure she takes her blood pressure meds. I apologize for posting in a caregiver forum, but I figured if anyone knows anything about stressing out about parents health it would be caregivers. I tried to figure out more about aneurysms, since the only thing I knew about it was the fact that my grandmother died from exactly that. Needless to say, that didn't help. But I did find some more positive info from people. People who survived it, or had the procedure and are doing okay. It's just a very unpredictable thing I suppose and have to remain positive somehow.
I also don't feel like I have many people to talk to about it. I told people at work, and don't get me wrong, they wished everything well, but some people are just so cold or aren't very good at discussing this kind of stuff.
Thank you to everyone and for your well wishes. I really appreciate it. My mom has always loved having a Christmas party around Christmas. She loves making all the food and of course, doesn't want any help because she's stubborn and she takes pride in it. I don't think she will be able to do it this year. She also was going to have Christmas dinner, but doesn't think she will be able to now. I told her none of that matters. We can all either go down the street to my in laws like we did for thanksgiving since it's close to her house, or we can come over and make it for her. And we don't need a Christmas party because my sister and her kids will be visiting from Texas and my husband and I will be over and that's all that matters.
Ever since I moved out when I was 25 and as I got older, I've had more and more anxiety over this kind of thing. My sister has moved further and further away, leaving me to deal with anything that happens. She doesn't work or anything and has depression and other issues. I realized years ago that everything was going to be up to me. I have my own mental health issues, so it's very difficult trying to be strong for everyone all the time. I know my parents don't like that she moved that far away either. They talk over the phone a lot but I think it made them depressed.
First of all, OP, thanks for the update, and I personally think your posting is very appropriate for the Caregiving section so I hope you keep posting here. Your hunch is right - your journey with your parents in a caregiving role is just beginning. Best to be forewarned and forearmed!
I think your responses are perfectly normal. And I am sorry that your mom is sick, especially this time of year.
I would be nervous too - until she is able to get that aneurysm taken care of, I'd be nervous. I'm sure she is too.
NOW is the time to be sure that your parents have the necessary legal paperwork in order - this is a great time to talk with them about this. Believe me, things are a lot easier to deal with when that paperwork (which I went over in an earlier post so I won't repeat myself) is in place. You may not need it for years, but you may need it sooner so why not have it, right?
Please keep us posted. Try not to worry too much in the mean time. Your mom is receiving all the medical attention she needs from what it sounds like. You can only do so much.
Where will your sister and her kids be staying when they visit? How old are the kids? This is one thing that concerns me.
It is tough, but it really takes the individual to initiate and make healthy changes. I know most of the time, trying to badger someone into doing this is less than worthless........I would just concentrate on being kind and supportive.
60s or any age, a lot of health improvement can come from diet alone..........eliminating most foods that are not that good and adding-in beneficial foods.
Your parents are still young. And even though you say that they drink and smoke and don't have a healthy diet - they may surprise you.
Your In laws might go first. Life is strange.
And please let your hubby know how you are feeling. I'm sure he will be there for you.
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. It's hard dealing with sick parents, because they almost never let you "in" so to speak. You're still their baby and as you said they don't want to burden you. Try to think for the best and wait for the doctors to come back with more info. It's too easy in times like this to think the worst case scenario (I tend to do that too) and spiral more emotionally and mentally. My prayers are with you.
