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Old 01-04-2013, 07:03 AM
 
Location: Not.here
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If we live long enough, we will eventually get to a point where we will need day-to-day assistance. This of course will vary with our situation at the time. Some will need daily help with even the most basic of bodily functions (for example. a paralyzed stroke victim that can't function alone) to others who are mobile enough but still need some assistance (for example, a physical or mental disability like a failing organ, mounting difficulty in getting around or a progressive mental issue).

If you get to that point, what would you like to see happen as far as the type of care that you receive? When you can no longer stay in your home, what course of action do you prefer.... move in with a family member and have the care provided in their home..... move in to a facility where you will be looked after by the staff there..... or another option possibly?
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Old 01-04-2013, 07:32 AM
 
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I think it's impossible to know, for sure, what one would do. So many things depend on the situation. I am trying to adjust my mind (at 33, quite young to be thinking of this at all, IMO) to the idea of going into assisted living early on. My parents are not aging gracefully. My dad can barely walk, has severe memory problems, and can't remember his medications without nagging-like reminders. My mom's cancer has shut her down emotionally so she's cutting herself off physically from others. Neither of them will admit they have any issues.

I earnestly hope I don't burden my children. I worry about my parents and have to go check on them several times a week. I'm nervous about having children because that will limit my availability and time for my parents. We are uncomfortable leaving on trips because something might happen. My parents never wanted to be a burden, which is why they don't live with us, but knowing how badly they are doing and knowing they won't call 911 until things are very, very bad (both almost died before calling 911 in the past) is a burden. It's stressful, and it's not the life any of us envisioned.

Because of all that, I'm trying to adjust my vision of my life. There's no shame in living in an assisted living facility. The issue is paying for it, of course. I like the idea of social opportunities and care is available when you need it. At 33, this is what I want for myself, and we are saving now for that eventuality. Who knows how that might change with time and circumstance.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
9,455 posts, read 12,586,781 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nezlie View Post
If we live long enough, we will eventually get to a point where we will need day-to-day assistance.
Working in Social Services as I do, I can assure you that most people die before they need day to day assistance. And some of them die in their 90s.

One should focus on how to remain independent. Excercise, socialization, eating right are but a few things to consider. If you smoke, quit. And always wear your seat belt! These are lifestyle choices.

Of the people my agency deals with, probably 80% require in home care and assistance due to poor lifestyle choices. Despite what the insurace sales guy would have you believe, only 15% of people over 65 will require skilled nursing care at some point. "Some point" being the operative word-since many folk only require said care for a few weeks or a month or two.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:31 PM
 
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I plan to remain independent. Granted, a very unexpected medical event may change that .. but that could happen any time (not just when I'm elderly).

I know numerous high functioning independent 90 year olds.. I plan to be among them in 50-ish years.

And I will exercise/etc.. to attempt to keep that a likely outcome. (No kids, no familiy, and I am not a fan of institutional care)
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:47 PM
 
201 posts, read 236,680 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
I plan to remain independent. Granted, a very unexpected medical event may change that .. but that could happen any time (not just when I'm elderly).

I know numerous high functioning independent 90 year olds.. I plan to be among them in 50-ish years.

And I will exercise/etc.. to attempt to keep that a likely outcome. (No kids, no familiy, and I am not a fan of institutional care)
Ditto to this.
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:23 PM
 
Location: earth?
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I do not wish to live beyond the point when I can be independent.
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:50 PM
 
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We have long term care insurance and have instructed our POA to take us out in the woods and shoot us when that expires. In reality, I'm hoping that we will be able to make our own decisions, but know that that may not be possible. My side of the family dies early and I'm already beating the odds. My husband's live a lot longer, so who knows what is down the road for us. We have 3 children, only one close by and she will bear the brunt of our whatever, so hoping we will go fast when the time comes. if not, I'm really not sure what will happen. I do know that my husband will make a much better caretaker than I, but do I want to go down that road and put the burden on him?
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Old 01-05-2013, 03:43 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 18,303,541 times
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I personally pray I will just fall over dead in the azaleas but for whatever reason I hear less about people just going toes up than I do ending up in some sort of care situation.

My kids hate this topic - we have discussed it with them and left directives and done everything we know to do - when we can no longer care for ourselves, PLEASE PLEASE find the best facility we can afford and PUT US THERE. I do not ever want my kids to have to deal with my decline, especially since dementia runs in my family. My older son has a rosy notion that we will all have property together and we can remain in our home with our children close by. The reality is that he lives 900 miles away and is young and has a career to attend to, and has no desire to return to Arkansas. Besides that, it just isn't practical...it just isn't. I would hope we would have the financial resources to have help in our home, but I've had a really rude awakening to the fact that we most likely will not.

I guess I'm running hard and fast from the idea of ever being considered a burden or the one slowing someone down from their life. I'm taking care of an older parent now, and a parent in reasonably good health. I can't move 20 feet without giving notice and considering someone else, and this isn't exactly what I thought my 50's would be like.

No, I wouldn't wish my full time care on my kids. No way.
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Old 01-05-2013, 04:18 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,284 posts, read 12,953,520 times
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For every one person who is considerate, thoughtful, and kind enough to not want to be a burden to their kids or anyone else, there must be nine more who are perfectly content to lie on their backs and watch TV all day and night at the expense of others. Somehow, getting really, really old has become a contest that people feel they have to take part in.

I hope nature does me a favor or that I find a way to opt out that will not cause my family any discomfort.
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Old 01-05-2013, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,363 posts, read 20,848,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
For every one person who is considerate, thoughtful, and kind enough to not want to be a burden to their kids or anyone else, there must be nine more who are perfectly content to lie on their backs and watch TV all day and night at the expense of others. Somehow, getting really, really old has become a contest that people feel they have to take part in.

I hope nature does me a favor or that I find a way to opt out that will not cause my family any discomfort.
Way to insult a bunch of old people. Most people I know do not want to be a burden to others but many don't think about it till it's too late and then they have no choice.

To answer the OP, I would prefer assisted living I think but it should be one that I choose so I can see if I will find kindred souls there.
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