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I am a freshman in college looking to transfer, and I was admitted to my top Transfer choice yesterday and am pretty sure I want to go. However, the guilt is unbearable. I feel so bad for my friends at my current school and my professors. I only really have acquaintances here and no close friends, but I do have one close friend who only commutes in twice a week, but we have dinner together every time she comes in. I also am getting to know someone in one of my other classes, and she even wants to hang out outside of class and over the summer, and she has no idea I am strongly considering a transfer. I've told her and several other people what classes I am taking next year because I don't want to upset anybody. My friend who commutes knows that I am probably leaving and still wants to be friends anyway, but my fairly new friend from class has no idea, and I feel like she will be devastated when I tell her and will no longer want to talk to me. The school I am considering transferring to is very close to where I am now, so it's not a big change location wise. I also am dreading having to tell my psych professor, who told me to let her know what I decide, and the director of the volunteer club I belong to, who really likes me. The reasons I am probably going to transfer are because my current school is really small, does not offer my degree, and there is nothing to do on weekends besides partying since the campus is in the middle of nowhere. The place I would be transferring to is in a city, medium-sized, and with more things to do for people who don't party, as well as offering my degree. Anyway, I haven't 100% decided on transferring yet, but am pretty sure I want to, so how do I get over the guilt if I decide to do it?
I don't have any idea why you feel guilty about anything, nor do I understand why you are at a univ. that doesn't have your major. Tell your friends that you are going to transfer and that you would like to stay in touch. You are under no obligation to tell anyone at the university you are transferring at the end of the semester. The fac/staff at the college wants you to succeed and, if that means leaving, that's what it means. No one is going to be mad at you, nor is anyone at the univ. going to be despondent that you are leaving.
Life is full of leaving things to get other experiences, and you may feel badly about the decision to some extent (e.g., leaving a job for another experience). You get over the "guilt" by reminding yourself that you are making the best choice for your future. People deal with it and may or may not maintain a relationship with you. That's not your problem.
You have posted several times about how unhappy you are and how this experience was not what you wanted, and you feel like this move will make you happier. So make your decision, be honest with people, and move on. This may be the first time you've done something like this, but it won't be your last. Life is full of changes and they're not always easy.
People often say "everyone is replaceable" when talking to people who feel guilty about leaving a job. The same is true in your situation. Professors work with hundreds of students each year. You leaving won't break anyone's heart. Hopefully you can keep relationships with anyone you've connected with, and hopefully you will form new relationships. I've left many a job and many a state, and I've always kept friends from every stage of my life. I've also experienced acquaintances fading away. It's life. Good luck with your decision (but it sounds like you really made it months ago).
No need to feel guilty at all. I transferred after my freshman year. I do remember feeling guilty about telling my suitemates for the next year that I wasn't going to be there after all...but I was SO much happier at the school I transferred to. At 18, I am sure I had never made a better, more mature decision in my life.
Why would you feel guilty about leaving people when you're not close to most of them anyway? All the more so if you're not moving far away? And your professors - you're one of hundreds of students, and the chances are that a half-dozen years from now, your professors will have forgotten you whether you stay or not. Do you plan on staying in a low-level job all your life because you feel guilty about leaving your low-level co-workers?
There's no reason to feel guilty, and I'm wondering if what you feel is even guilt. Maybe you're just not looking forward to the awkwardness of telling them, with the implication that you're going some place "better." But you'll simply say that they don't offer a degree in your field. Your professors may be polite to you, but they won't care. You can tell your two friends that you hope you'll be able to keep seeing each other. And if your newer friend won't speak to you - well, again, that's life. Most full-fledged adults don't keep many friends from their college years. You'll be starting a new, better future with different friends.
I also am dreading having to tell my psych professor, who told me to let her know what I decide, and the director of the volunteer club I belong to, who really likes me.
Really, as you go through life you will meet people who will come and go and you are just one of these people. For the professor, wouldn't you just send an email like this: "Dear Professor X, As you know I have been considering transferring to school Y because I think that college will be a better fit for my interests. I have decided to enroll there starting in the fall. I have enjoyed getting to know you! Sincerely, xxblue 20."
No offense, but by the time the fall comes around you won't really be on any of these peoples' minds. With the students you have mentioned, maybe you can keep in touch on social media.
No need to feel guilty at all. I transferred after my freshman year. I do remember feeling guilty about telling my suitemates for the next year that I wasn't going to be there after all...but I was SO much happier at the school I transferred to. At 18, I am sure I had never made a better, more mature decision in my life.
Did those suitemates absolutely hate you for it? My decision is made by the way, but I am just waiting to find out about financial aid. It just breaks my heart to tell my classmates and friends who have said how much they look forward to having class with me next year.
Did those suitemates absolutely hate you for it? My decision is made by the way, but I am just waiting to find out about financial aid. It just breaks my heart to tell my classmates and friends who have said how much they look forward to having class with me next year.
1) So what if they hate you for it?
2) If they hate you for it, they are not your friends anyway
3) You sound like you need some type of mental health counseling.
People transfer/quit/drop out all the time. I'm sure there are peers who may miss you being there initially, but life goes on. Not to be flip, but your instructors are not going to suffer any lasting fallout as a result of your absence.
It's not nearly the huge deal to others that you are making it out to be.
Sorry to be harsh, but you're a textbook definition of a drama queen and TBH I don't think you're mentally ready to be on your own at college. Someone that you see a couple of times a week and someone else that you may or may not end up hanging out with outside of class aren't going to be "devastated" that you are transferring to a different school. Even more so for your professors.
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