Why are people so shady here? (Des Moines, Iowa City: fit in, insurance, high school)

[camille563]

I was raised in Florida. Even though there things I like about Des Moines I will never understand why people are so shady. If you don't fit in their bubble or what they consider normal you are given looks. I miss culture and diversity and being around people that say it like it is. Being raised in Miami people are so diverse that its a privilege to know other cultures and others way of life. Not here unless you were raised in meat and potatoes you're looked at differently!

[smpliving]

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences. Iowa is definitely not like Miami, though.

Have you spent any time in Iowa City? It's more diverse with different cultures. You might get a few looks if you have tattoos all over your body, but otherwise pretty accepting and open. Some of my daughter's friends fit into that category.

[CasketKitten]

Originally Posted by camille563

I was raised in Florida. Even though there things I like about Des Moines I will never understand why people are so shady. If you don't fit in their bubble or what they consider normal you are given looks. I miss culture and diversity and being around people that say it like it is. Being raised in Miami people are so diverse that its a privilege to know other cultures and others way of life. Not here unless you were raised in meat and potatoes you're looked at differently!

With all due respect, if it is "culture" and the all holy "diversity" you crave, unless you have a job or family holding you back, why stay in DSM? These days, Iowa City should be right up your alley or parts of the Quad Cities. If you are stuck in DSM, than I suggest that perhaps you should look up and start volunteering with the DSM Playhouse or Stage West. There, you should find a hodge podge of people who may make you feel better about your time in that area.

[steel03]

it sounds to me like the only place in this country that would meet your expectations is miami.

[camille563]

I would move if it was possible, but unfortunately it's not that easy. There are things I like about Des Moines it's just not for me. It doesn't help that I hate the winters!

[tollfree]

The midwest is generally not really friendly. A lot of times people mistaken neighbors saying hello as being friendly, when it's not.

Des Moines is also generally a serious, uptight, city. Some of this can probably be attributed to the insurance industry, and even the Iowa caucus (it makes everyone think they are more important than they are). Also, most everyone who moves to Des Moines is already from Iowa, or has ties to Iowa at least.

The main recreational events such as in-state college sports, the State fair, random 5k events, baconfest, local bands/bar scene, zombieburger, etc - are not for everyone. It can be definitely be a bit disenfranchising when you see how absolutely EVERYONE around you is so into that culture and there really isn't much else besides that. From a sociological perspective, Des Moines is as strong a cult as any fanatical organized religion or political affiliation. Because, those of different religions/political parties all believe have all found a greater cause...civic fanaticism.

Add in the civic fanaticism and it's pretty easy to understand it's not for everyone (at least it should be). The Corporate lifestyle is also it's own secret society where it only matters how involved in the community you are, do you volunteer, how many young professional organizations are you a part of.

Pick up a DMjuice sometime and they'll usually do a story on someone who chose Des Moines over NYC, Tokyo, and Barcelona. The public generally buys into this. If Des Moines wants to improve it needs to cater to more than the "wannabe big city crowd" and anyone who is not trying to run for public office. The rest usually have their high school/college networks intact and are just waiting for the Iowa/ISU game.

[camille563]

Originally Posted by RonnieJonez

The midwest is generally not really friendly. A lot of times people mistaken neighbors saying hello as being friendly, when it's not.

Des Moines is also generally a serious, uptight, city. Some of this can probably be attributed to the insurance industry, and even the Iowa caucus (it makes everyone think they are more important than they are). Also, most everyone who moves to Des Moines is already from Iowa, or has ties to Iowa at least.

The main recreational events such as in-state college sports, the State fair, random 5k events, baconfest, local bands/bar scene, zombieburger, etc - are not for everyone. It can be definitely be a bit disenfranchising when you see how absolutely EVERYONE around you is so into that culture and there really isn't much else besides that. From a sociological perspective, Des Moines is as strong a cult as any fanatical organized religion or political affiliation. Because, those of different religions/political parties all believe have all found a greater cause...civic fanaticism.

Add in the civic fanaticism and it's pretty easy to understand it's not for everyone (at least it should be). The Corporate lifestyle is also it's own secret society where it only matters how involved in the community you are, do you volunteer, how many young professional organizations are you a part of.

Pick up a DMjuice sometime and they'll usually do a story on someone who chose Des Moines over NYC, Tokyo, and Barcelona. The public generally buys into this. If Des Moines wants to improve it needs to cater to more than the "wannabe big city crowd" and anyone who is not trying to run for public office. The rest usually have their high school/college networks intact and are just waiting for the Iowa/ISU game.

I think that was very well said. As I read your post it makes me think of my neighbors and frankly they're not that friendly. Here it's all about the college games. People here are not always very welcoming and that just makes the whole city look bad!

[tollfree]

I will say this...the older generation in Iowa are pretty friendly (although it's usually just the hi/how are you sense - but you can't expect the public to really be friendly). People roughly 45 and younger seem significantly less friendly for some reason (of course there are exceptions but this is generally true). Des Moines is also not like most bigger cities where you have casual conversations with strangers as well, and it's completely normal. It's also not small enough that everyone knows everyone, it's somewhere in between.

Even the un-friendly big cities (Boston, NYC, LA, Miami) casual conversation is common, although the public at large may not be considered as friendly.

[camille563]

I'm from Miami and though people can be rude its still very friendly, strangers will start a conversation that leads to friendship. My sister in fact met her BFF on the train heading to work and that was 11 years ago. I miss culture and diversity I miss hearing people speak Spanish everywhere I go!

[Meemur]

I dunno. I'm a Lutheran "church lady," and I haven't had any problems fitting in on my trips there as I'm looking for housing. I've found people to be friendly and helpful, in a Midwestern way. We do tend to be a little reserved with strangers! I respect that. It's takes time to make friends, but after you've filled some sand bags together or made 500 sandwiches for a fund raiser, the walls do tend to come down.

It does help if one is not covered with tats or sporting neon-colored hair, outside of Halloween or play-offs.
In some circles, that shouts LOOK AT ME! and that borders on being rude, and I'm probably not explaining it well. Here's an example: I had a teen Goth cousin visit one summer. I'm in a Columbus, OH suburb. No one talked to her, at first. I had her lose the black and got her some modest clothing and wash off the wash-on tats and learn to make small talk and smile. Within one week of that change, she was starting to make friends.

Say what you want, but I'm sure the parents were telling their kids to stay away from her because she probably did drugs and was failing at school. No, she was working hard. She just got into this Goth phase and thought she looked really cool covered in black from head to toe, with a bunch of skulls and bats on her arms.

For what that's worth . . .