Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a 3 year old mutt, who is a mix of a lab/chow/husky. I adopted him when he was about 8 weeks and his name is Rebel. He is the biggest 50 pound lap dog I have ever had. I love him very much but my problem is he thinks he is my boyfriend and is jealous over anyone or thing that he thinks I love too. I have a boyfriend that I have been with since Rebel was 3 months old and Rebel loves him too. I also have a fifteen year old son who loves Rebel too. If my boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch, Rebel will say, "grrrrrr" in a loving way just to get my boyfriend to get off the couch to let him out only to have Rebel take his spot on the couch. If my bofriend and I are talking on the phone or in person, Rebel will start talking as if he doesn't want me talking with my boyfriend. Rebel gets tons of attention. Rebel isn't quite as jealous of my son BUT he is. My son and I don't hug the same way so Rebel doesn't feel quite so threatened. Tonight, I am home by myself with no son or boyfriend, giving Rebel all the attention but he still is overly needy. I love this dog like a family member and give him SO much attention and love, but how do I get him to be less jealous? I want him to be more like a child than a jealous boyfriend. He can't stand when I leave the room and follows me to whatever room I am in. He loves to go for rides in the car and I take him anytime I can.
Please teach me what to do,
Rebel's mom (AKA Lois from The Family Guy)
You prob. wont want to hear this but I wouldnt allow him on the couch. You can still pet him but in his mind, he's equal to you, your bf and prob. your son. I love my dogs too and at times they do go on the couch and they sleep w/ us but if they were growling at someone I cared about, that would stop fast. It's like a small child, you have to give them limits, and that goes for Rebel too, he can't do what he wants, when he wants. It wont be the end of the world for him to stay on the rug or sleep on it. Right now he's prob. getting mixed messages, he needs consistency. Another thought, perhaps by petting him so much, it's reinforcing his insecurity, how about giving him a bone to keep him busy or taking him for a walk etc, sounds like he has a bit of separation anxiety as well, you could leave the house for a few minutes several times a day - don't gush over him when you leave and ignore him when you come back for about 5-10 minutes b/c otherwise that can make him nervous and insecure - trust me, he'll adjust. Just some thoughts.
If my boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch, Rebel will say, "grrrrrr" in a loving way just to get my boyfriend to get off the couch to let him out only to have Rebel take his spot on the couch.
And he will continue to do that, because you and your boyfriend are both letting him rule the house and your life.
You are the Alpha, not your dog. The minute he growls, i'd get up and leave the premises. Do it every time dog shows "unwanted" behavior. Don't let him dominate over you and your BF.
Quote:
If my bofriend and I are talking on the phone or in person, Rebel will start talking as if he doesn't want me talking with my boyfriend.
So what is your action then? Do you hang up and attend to your dog?
Quote:
Rebel gets tons of attention.
That's your biggest dilimma, right there!
Quote:
I love this dog like a family member and give him SO much attention and love, but how do I get him to be less jealous?
Stop giving in, all the attention is doing nothing but ruining your dog and your relashionship with him.
He's a DOG, not a human, so you need to start treating him as such.
There are great book about human/dog relashionships, pick few and read, you will understand that "needy" dogs are a troubled because you stress your dog beyond his need. Loving dog doesn't mean giving him attention any second he wants, this must be done on your terms and your terms only. Dog needs to know his place in your family, he is the bottom of the pack and should be treated as such but with respect. He has none for you or your family from what i see, and getting respect from you dog is not as easy, and giving in isn't going to do it. So let your dog find it's place in your pack and let him be at piece, that's the best advise i can give you. You will find that it will bring a lot of less stress on both of you, and a lot more harmony.
Good luck!
Thank you for your replies. Honeycrisp, I totally wanted to hear that what you said and for the most part, you are right on. Rebel doesn't get on the couch much nor does he sleep in the bed. He likes to lie/sleep on the floor b/c I think he feels he is a better protector that way. When he growls, (which is really talking) he is just doing it to get the boyfriend off the couch, then he jumps up there with me. You guys are exactly right that he needs to know I am the pack leader I am just having a tough time getting him there. He does have seperation anxiety some times and used to take Elevil for it b/c he was chewing my windowsills when I went to work. He has outgrown that for the most part, I think. I do give him treats and chews all the time for being a good boy. When I try to reprimand and raise my voice, sometimes he just looks away and ignores me. He is very smart and knows exactly what I am saying. He is also jealous of the cats. Sometimes when he gets in trouble, he then goes to find my cat to mess with them b/c he is embarassed he got in trouble. I need to check into the suggested books and am definately listening to your replies.
Thank you and all advice is so welcomed!
Rebels mom (AKA Lois from the Family Guy)
Last edited by rebelsmom; 10-17-2008 at 12:06 PM..
Just google NILIF (which Calidreamer mentioned) - your boyfriend shouldnt get off the couch to accomodate the dog (whether he's growling or 'talking', the result is the same). Books are good too but you need to get a handle on this now, not later. You both need to get the upper hand here, nothing harsh but just be consistent and don't let him on the couch. Along these lines, I was talking to a friend just yest. who mentioned her dog has an ear infection - he doesnt like the eardrops they have to put in and growls - the vet told them they have to be alpha over him as it can become a big problem (which is happening) - they have a nice family dog but I think the dog kind of rules the roost (they live a distance away, their other dog was older and already trained) - my parents' dog has also had problems w/ eardrops - til recently my father was giving them but he's ill and can't so my mother has to and is having a hard time (elderly parents and big dog) - they're getting it done but it hasnt been easy and had they addressed this yrs ago, it w/h/b a lot easier on everyone (their dog is 13 and set in his ways, my friend's dog is about 7 or 8 and is big and strong). Anyway, it will get better - just be strong, stick to your guns and don't give in to those sweet eyes, think of the big picture ;-). Kudo's to all of you.
WOW, N.I.L.I.F was an eye opener for me!!! It is going to be very hard for me to be so stern but reading what you have suggested is extremely helpful. I know that Rebel's behavior won't change if I don't change my behavior. It's just so hard and I love him so much but a mom's gotta do what a mom has to do. I just don't want to hurt his feelings but he is dog.
Thank you all so much!!!!
Rebel's mom.
Especially my BF!!! Thank you again Honeycrisp!! If it doesn't work, I may be the one in the doghouse.
Thank you again!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Rebel and thank you
