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Usually we don't spend much on anyone, but as to which one gets more spent on them, well, it depends, mostly, on the specific circumstances. Mostly we don't buy retail. Ever. (Well, except on some foods and stuff we can't find at yard sales.) Folks know us and know we find things at yard sales. If we give them a great gift, they don't care where it came from and it doesn't cost us hardly anything. The problem, though, is we will get a retail $60 item for $4 at a garage sale and then the person who we give it to always tries to give us back something of a $60 value if we don't tell them we didn't spend very much on it. So, we usually have to tell them not to give us an expensive gift in return.
With my extremely tight budget, I don't buy gifts for anyone. If I do send a greeting card (not all that often) it is a $.49 card plus stamp (why spend more than that on a card that will end up in the trash?).
Whatever I buy, expensive or not, I always try to make sure it has value. I try to buy with the recipient in mind. A $10 gift could be more valuable than the $60 one if it's something the recipient wants, needs, or loves. I spend more on my kids than myself. When we have the money, we are pretty generous with everyone. I try to give my unmarried siblings a little more and don't worry so much about the ones that are receiving gifts from others. For instance, I know my single sister doesn't have as much money to spend on wants. Her birthday is in October so I'll get her an ugly Christmas sweater or something outlandish I think she'd really like, but didn't expect and wouldn't splurge for herself. She loves it because her work has ugly sweater days or something else so it sort of fits a practical need too. My immediate family wouldn't mind a second hand gift, but others do. I keep that in mind. For some people, you just give a bottle of local wine and know you gave it your best shot.
I have always had a problem with spending money on myself. I grew up in a household of very limited means and I learned to always make do with whatever I had.
I learned these habits from my mother. She lived through the great Depression and learned how to be happy with very little money. She never threw away any left over food; she'd save 4 green beans in a little container to eat the next day.
If I get dragged along to a mall I rarely see anything that I want. I keep things until they are worn out.
Frugal habits tend to stick with people. I've read stories about really rich people living cheaply. The CEO of Ikea buys his clothes used at thrift stores and JC Penney made a rule of not spending more than 35 cents for lunch.
First of I must say when talk of gifts centers around the money or cost of an item, that's a turn off right there. And tells me a lot about a person's values when it comes to money and people. I've heard people say they HAVE to spend a certain amount on gifts…or their gifts HAVE to come from a certain store…..THAT is B.S. That's not necessarily what this topic is about but I wanted to be clear about my thoughts. That said…..
I'd say there are times when I spend more on others than myself….but that's because at my age I don't need much…and my nieces and nephews are just starting their adult lives and still setting up there apartments and homes, etc…They're starting their jobs and might need a portfolio bag….or back pack. They're not making much money so need the help. And if I think a gift can cheer a friend, I'll get it.
Now, what I am more conscious of is not helping other to the point where I put MYSELF in need, or vulnerable position to the point where I'm not comfortable.
BUT that was a hard lesson learned…..AFTER loaning one brother 7 thousand dollars and another brother 2-thousand….NONE of which I'll ever get back. Everyone has their own "I'm DONE!!!" moment or amount they'll just loan or give out…well that 9-thousan was it for me.
I DO buy a lot of people gifts. My Christmas list is 40 people on it…..3 siblings, 15 nieces and nephews and some of them have spouses or children, and more than a dozen friends. 1) I feel blessed to have so many people who love me, 2) I'm blessed to be able to show them I care with little token gifts. MOST of my gifts are PRACTICAL things…everyone gets socks. and they LOVE the socks. I've said that after six years of socks let's move on but they WANT the socks! Other people get a gourmet food item (which actually is the most costly gift….darn 50.00 for a cake delivered!). The small nieces I also take to the "5 Below" store: and say OK you have 10 dollars get anything you want….the older ones I stock up with house needs like TP, paper towels soap, dis and laundry detergent, etc…just practically stuff from the Dollartree or Walmart. I also buy a token office gift for my doctors, or my yard guy, or my lawyer, or dentist…. the average cost per person might be 15.00.
Also some gifts really are just treating people to a meal. A friend is going through a bought time so we went out to lunch I paid. She appreciated that. She may pay the nest time….whatever. I gift give or share thought out the year when the occasion arises.
To me…..gift giving is just ONE WAY to be THOUGHTFUL about other people. They are just ONE way to show you care and are thinking of a person. I tell them... "this is just a token of my caring about you." But so are phones calls…and those are free. Meeting for lunch or dinner, or going out…heck just bowling together….that's cheap.
Just two more examples….all my friends an in our 50s now…well two are buying new houses…..will I get them some kind of gift…even though they've had houses before and aren't' first time owners….I probably will because this is a new and important step for them. In one case I already know I'll join up with another friend and we'll put our heads together and get something for our friend. In the other I just have to see what comes to mind…or what she says she needs…..it could just be a new welcome mat…who knows. If you LISTEN to people, you'll pick up on things they might like.
I also have a friend who's about to be married for the THIRD time…..I'm invited…will those of us college friends who are going get SOME kind of gift…yes…third marriage or not. Do we know what that IS YET??? No. Will it be the same kind of gift we'd get a newlywed? Of course not. We'll just have to see…..But I doubt we'll go to the weeding an not take her ANYthing.
Too many people make gifts about the MONEY THAT'S SPENT…when they're not about that at all. They're about the appreciation and thought that goes along with whatever is given…store bought, or home-made……used or brand new….5 dollars or 1,000 dollars.
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