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First of all, to list the dictionary definitions (as excerpted from webster.com):
Mercy
Quote:
1 a:compassion or forbearance shown especially to...one subject to one's power; also:lenient or compassionate treatment
...
3:compassionate treatment of those in distress
social Darwinism
Quote:
: ...a sociological theory that sociocultural advance is the product of intergroup conflict and competition and the socially elite classes (as those possessing wealth and power) possess biological superiority in the struggle for existence
In most contemporary everyday romantic interactions and popular norms, I see much of the latter, but relatively little of the former. One could conceivably make a case that many existing modern dating norms favor social Darwinism, much more than they might favor mercy. For example, even the near-universal insistence that men must be unquestionably and unconditionally seen as confident, powerful (and including the projection of being seen as powerful), etc. all would seem to lean much closer to social Darwinism, than being merciful. Many (perhaps most) people tend to automatically seek to be romantically-aligned with those on a comparable or higher relative level of power than themselves, but people also very infrequently ever seriously question why things are they way they are, or have the capacity to see *beyond* these haphazard, man-made rules, and to be able to truly think outside the box. IMO, it's almost like people let themselves be rigidly and dogmatically weighed down and constrained by these rules, simply because they happen to be the status quo.
And yet...people do have the ability to override, and even completely disregard what society has arbitrarily decided as the "rules of the game". Men and women *both* have the ability to be more merciful than not, if they so consciously choose. For men, this might perhaps involve giving a fair and legitimate romantic chance to women who would potentially make wonderful girlfriends for them, who are also not necessarily in the perceived top- or highest-level tier of physical looks and beauty. For women, one way they could be more "merciful" might be to not assign confidence in a male as an absolute, inviolate standard that they will not ever deviate from, under any circumstances -- for instance, to seriously re-consider not rejecting a guy who might make a great romantic match for her in every other possible way, but who just happens to be down on his personal level of confidence, for whatever reason.
All of society in the distant past once thought the world was flat, but the discovery that the world was -- in fact -- round, caused a complete sea-change in thinking and thought processes. Instead of blind acceptance that the rules of dating and relationships are rigidly unchanging and unchangeable, why not at least consider trying to remake the rules to be more (rather than less) merciful, fairer, more equitable, and more just, to both genders? Change, so that much less people are excluded and unwelcome from having loving and meaningful romantic relationships for dogmatic and inflexible reasons? Thoughts?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-29-2012 at 02:19 PM..
Reason: Edits / Typo corrections / Clarified language
Wow, who have you been hanging out with? Dating had more to do with chemistry for me and yes, in my younger years I was looking for that successful partner. It did not deter me from dating someone that wasn't that ideal. I dated someone once that was very successful but a total rectum. There was zero chemistry and a total turn off for me. That's not to say that there isn't some shallow woman out there willing to prostitute herself for the sake of a meal ticket. People do crazy things all the time for whatever reason. I met Joe average and fell madly in love with him and remain in love with him 27 years later. We were both just a couple of poor young kids starting out and managed to build a comfortable lifestyle together. It may be time for you to get out of shallow land and upgrade to some real people. Nice people really do exist.
Um...I hope you realize that Social Darwinism is pure poppycock and has nothing to do with real evolutionary theory whatsoever, correct? I'm not saying that I don't see your point, but just letting you know not to base any of your own outlooks on pseudoscience. Anybody who talks to you and starts using words like Alpha, or Beta male and such don't really know what they're talking about, because you can't compare the modern condition of humans to say, a wolf pack or a gorilla society.
Wow, who have you been hanging out with? Dating had more to do with chemistry for me and yes, in my younger years I was looking for that successful partner. It did not deter me from dating someone that wasn't that ideal. I dated someone once that was very successful but a total rectum. There was zero chemistry and a total turn off for me. That's not to say that there isn't some shallow woman out there willing to prostitute herself for the sake of a meal ticket. People do crazy things all the time for whatever reason. I met Joe average and fell madly in love with him and remain in love with him 27 years later. We were both just a couple of poor young kids starting out and managed to build a comfortable lifestyle together. It may be time for you to get out of shallow land and upgrade to some real people. Nice people really do exist.
Thanks for sharing more about your experience. Very interesting that you had mentioned chemistry. From what I understand about it, many/most women will for example make a decision within seconds whether or not she has chemistry with a guy. One thing that might be interesting to know is if women were to maybe give a little bit longer of a time window to make final judgment on chemistry, if that could potentially make any difference if her not turning a guy down due to perceived lack of chemistry. Just for instance, if she were to consider waiting until the end of a date to decide whether there is any chemistry with a guy, vs. during the initial very first impression.
One thing I always try myself is to give people multiple opportunities at making an impression on me, before it becomes a "first impression" for me. I honestly wish many times that we could take the saying "You never get a second chance to make a first impression", and toss it out the window --- there are too many people, both male and female, who have nothing but the best of intentions, but for whatever reason, simply make accidental and unintended mistakes on the first impression, that are not truly and wholly representative of who they really are. For instance, what if someone on a date has recently lost a loved one, and so s/he is a little more down and sober and saddened than their usual selves, and so they "miss out", on making the best of first impressions. Moreover, what happens if the first impression is, rightly or wrongly, perceived inaccurately by the observer?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-30-2012 at 01:19 PM..
Um...I hope you realize that Social Darwinism is pure poppycock and has nothing to do with real evolutionary theory whatsoever, correct? I'm not saying that I don't see your point, but just letting you know not to base any of your own outlooks on pseudoscience. Anybody who talks to you and starts using words like Alpha, or Beta male and such don't really know what they're talking about, because you can't compare the modern condition of humans to say, a wolf pack or a gorilla society.
True, I understand and freely acknowledge many of your points above. At the same time though, there are some people who can be quite harsh, cruel, and even brutal in terms of the realm of dating. It is these kinds of unmerciful behaviors that I would tend to align with social Darwinism.
I guess what I am saying is, why not remake dating and all of the rules of the game to be a softer, kinder, gentler, and slower-to-judge sort of thing. To fundamentally soften minds and hearts, with regard to the whole process and standard norms. To promote more tender, more merciful attitudes and perspectives to dating and relationships. To automatically be more caring and kinder overall to prospective partners and others, regarding dating in general, rather than harsher. That sort of thing...
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Change, so that much less people are excluded and unwelcome from having loving and meaningful romantic relationships for dogmatic and inflexible reasons? Thoughts?
