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I guess that's why this debate got so heated,
It depends on each person's perspective and also, as it was mentioned, context matter.
I agree. And since no one can know, at a glance, the perspective of another it's better to smile politely and remain silent or comment on the weather.
For centuries women have been judged on their looks alone. They still are by some. A comment like "You're pretty" may seem innocuous to you, but feel dismissive and condescending to her. Why take the chance?
..........On the other hand, assuming you are a heterosexual adult male, how would you feel if an obviously homosexual male approached you and said you looked pretty/handsome/attractive? Would that be welcome?
If I were, yes it would be welcomed...........................but I'm "programmed" to be able to operate in that environment. Such as consider it from one aspect where I am using the surroundings to my advantage and I don't want to be identified as an outsider, such as ducking into a gay bar to shake/illuminate a tail.
Back to the question. There are at least three problems to it. The first is when a man says that, is he trying to get us to drop our guard so he can get in closer?
Secondly, when a man says that or mentions, say, "You would be more beautiful if you smiled more," it is interpreted that he is enforcing, consciously or not, the social structure to keep women in their place. Are we in the office because we are competent or are we just wall flowers?
Finally, what does that say to the women that such comments are not made to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeledaf
I'm having difficulty understanding what harm is experienced by a woman when she receives a compliment on her appearance. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't most women spend considerable time and money on looking as attractive as possible? And aren't men who acknowledge the success of their efforts deserving of civility rather than contempt?
The number of women in this thread whose default reaction to others seems to be bitterness is remarkable to me. Are they really that offended?
A, B and C.
A: From the more "sophisticated" side. One of the "items" I picked up from my intelligence days was to evaluate why someone was coming on to me. What attracted this person to me? Now, back then, it was because it was an approach by Soviet spies, but the lesson continues this day. Why is this person talking to me, what do they want?
The poster above is probably asking the question in the innocent, sincere mode.......but it is an approach that is potentially used by "an enemy". Consider these two circumstances of life:
"But he had such an honest face!"--Romana I
"Romana, you can't be a good crook with a dishonest face!"--The Doctor (ie, what works for the good can also work for the crooked)
AND
"Because I am not a threat, no one will take me as a threat." "YOU" know you are not a crook but how does anyone else know it?
B: What happens if the compliment is not received as it is intended? Will I then be called vulgar slang words? It does happen often enough.
C: As to why do we make ourselves up or for that matter, why do we belly dance? Because it makes us feel good about ourselves.
Last edited by TamaraSavannah; 05-20-2016 at 08:42 AM..
Personally, I fail to see why this debate heated up at all. It is a very trivial thing.
It's not trivial to women who have heard this their whole lives along with the subtext of "You are valued for your looks alone". If you say that to a woman, you are going to be judged in the context of the legions of jerks who have said that to her before you.
I agree. And since no one can know, at a glance, the perspective of another it's better to smile politely and remain silent or comment on the weather.
For centuries women have been judged on their looks alone. They still are by some. A comment like "You're pretty" may seem innocuous to you, but feel dismissive and condescending to her. Why take the chance?
The comments can be every day, every time you step out into public. I've encountered it waiting on a bus; walking to the office; going to lunch; on the train; at the grocery store. I don't dress in a provocative manner. It started at puberty and hasn't stopped even though I've reached menopause. I'm really tired of the comments on my appearance and now those about my teenage aged daughter.
It's not trivial to women who have heard this their whole lives along with the subtext of "You are valued for your looks alone". If you say that to a woman, you are going to be judged in the context of the legions of jerks who have said that to her before you.
I see that point, but it wasn't the 'debate'.
I was referring to the original post and not the rabbit trails some people took it down.
So if you are offended by my post, meh. It wasn't intended that way.
I agree. And since no one can know, at a glance, the perspective of another it's better to smile politely and remain silent or comment on the weather.
For centuries women have been judged on their looks alone. They still are by some. A comment like "You're pretty" may seem innocuous to you, but feel dismissive and condescending to her. Why take the chance?
At the risk of repeating myself, if men didn't take chances, none of us would be here today.
It's what we do. Some of us learn to do it skillfully, others do not.
Bower birds build bowers. Bison butt heads. Turkeys shake their tail feathers. All to please the females of their species. Lacking bower-building skills, susceptible to headaches, with no tail feathers to speak of, we human males have to do what we can with conversational sallies into the briar patch of feminine consciousness.
Rather than harping on the losers, show some appreciation for our efforts. It's not easy -- especially with this crowd.
haha you just proved the point of this whole entire thread. women can wear WHATEVER they want, WHENEVER they want and it is NOT an invitation for you to comment on it.
this is like the woman weather newscaster who recently was wearing a dress on air and they literally had to hand her a sweater to "cover up" (mind you the only the thing exposed were her shoulders) b/c men couldn't handle it and were writing in to the show saying she was wearing something too revealing... because her SHOULDERS were exposed... her shoulders.. just lol.
It wasn't about exposing the shoulders. This was a weekend morning news and show some emails came in that said it looked like the weathercaster came in directly from a night of carousing. The anchors took it upon themselves to try to soften the cocktail dress. These emails could have been a joke, they could have come from women, who knows. The whole thing seemed to be a joke but the weathercaster did acknowledge it was inappropriate and that was that.
This is another day, showing just as much shoulder. Just fine
At the risk of repeating myself, if men didn't take chances, none of us would be here today.
It's what we do. Some of us learn to do it skillfully, others do not.
Bower birds build bowers. Bison butt heads. Turkeys shake their tail feathers. All to please the females of their species. Lacking bower-building skills, susceptible to headaches, with no tail feathers to speak of, we human males have to do what we can with conversational sallies into the briar patch of feminine consciousness.
Rather than harping on the losers, show some appreciation for our efforts. It's not easy -- especially with this crowd.
But we're not discussing situations where the parties are romantically involved. And humans are capable of differentiating and applying behaviors appropriate to the situation. Regardless of their chromosomal makeup. Now, they may choose not to, they may feel entitled to behave inappropriately, but it is definitely a choice they consciously make, and in fact will provide argumens they feel supports their behavior.
But we're not discussing situations where the parties are romantically involved. And humans are capable of differentiating and applying behaviors appropriate to the situation. Regardless of their chromosomal makeup. Now, they may choose not to, they may feel entitled to behave inappropriately, but it is definitely a choice they consciously make, and in fact will provide argumens they feel supports their behavior.
I agree. But choosing to pillory the unskillful, or immature (permanently or otherwise ), and harboring some sort of simmering grudge against the male sex, does a disservice to the rest of us. It's equivalent to labelling a young woman a bimbo just because she dresses like a streetwalker -- another conscious choice.
I agree. But choosing to pillory the unskillful, or immature (permanently or otherwise ), and harboring some sort of simmering grudge against the male sex, does a disservice to the rest of us. It's equivalent to labelling a young woman a bimbo just because she dresses like a streetwalker -- another conscious choice.
Except that's not what's happening here.Sticking to the topic at hand.
It's inappropriate to comment on a person's appearance except in a few specific situations. It's inappropriate for anyone, men or women. SOME men feel put out that women wouldn't automatically feel grateful to have someone point out bodily characteristics they find pleasing.
No one is being pilloried for their lack of skillful mating habits. And no one is denigrating men in general. A question was posed, and people are responding.
Last edited by maciesmom; 05-20-2016 at 09:17 AM..
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), and harboring some sort of simmering grudge against the male sex, does a disservice to the rest of us. It's equivalent to labelling a young woman a bimbo just because she dresses like a streetwalker -- another conscious choice.
