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In short, because I don't care that you think I'm pretty. I don't wear a summer dress and make-up for your viewing pleasure; I do it for myself. Why do SO many men think women want to hear this all the time? Why are they under the assumption that the woman doesn't already know she looks good and needs it affirmed by you? Or that several other men haven't already made the same comment that day? Or that *gasps* looks don't actually matter? I would give anything to walk down the street un-harassed just once when I'm wearing a summer dress, but apparently some men are incapable of providing me that dignity.
In addition, there will always be an inherent creep-factor when men I don't know approach me with comments about my looks. Again, I don't exist for your viewing pleasure. Deep down, men HAVE to know this makes women uncomfortable (even when women react with feigned politeness). Females get treated this way from the age of 12; it's exhausting and completely unwarranted.
Context
A family meets another family
The father of one family says "Your little daughter is so pretty" (again, referring to a pretty smile)
I can see men thinking "Ummm, I won't say anything, people might think is creepy"
Meanwhile, everybody says that about my little boys, play with their hair, hug them, etc, etc.
It got to the point that our 10 year old boy told us that he doesn't like it when women grab his curly hair and we told him that we'll make sure to stop women from doing it.
I was just thinking - how great it would be for men to walk around daily with their penis out and we wimmins make comments on its size all. day. long. That's all we look at, unwanted or not, we look too long, size up, then comment to their face, good or bad. All. day. long. We don't judge them on anything else, just penis size. I mean, it's our right to judge and give compliments right?
I find that a pretty interesting analogy, but I think you have to stick strictly with the comments being complementary. The topic of this wasn't "what's wrong with commenting on a girl's looks" which would imply that people don't understand why it's not ok to call a girl ugly, it's "what's wrong with saying a girl is pretty" which is decidedly complimentary only. Including bad comments makes this an apples & oranges comparison.
So given the fact that we're only talking about compliments, I'm not actually sure that a lot of guys would be annoyed by girls coming up to them remarking how "impressive" they were, as long as it was done in a relatively polite manner(as opposed to just making a straight up sexual innuendo).
However, I think that also highlights the issue at it's core(not saying this is right, but life provides different perspectives):
1) In that theoretical world, I think the guys most annoyed would be the ones who never got complimented, not the ones who were, which is similar to the shy girl always wondering why no one like her appearance because she sees everyone else getting compliments.
2) I think from a guy's perspective, they wouldn't mind receiving the compliment, and therefore don't see why a similar polite compliment is received harshly.
Also, I think we can all agree that the sexual innuendo(comparable to a cat call, don't think I need an example here) is very different from a more "socially acceptable" compliment(e.g. "Your hair looks nice today"). That type of "compliment" isn't a compliment at all in either world and is harassment.
I've seen girls of all ages (baby to adult) that were pretty
But I get the sense that in our society is almost a crime for a man to say that a girl is pretty
To clarify, when I say pretty, for me usually means that she has a pretty smile.
What do you get out of it?
You mentioned girls honestly I think as a grown man you have no business talking to random "girls" you don't know, if you made small talk with one of my teenage daughters I wouldn't appreciate it and they would ignore you anyway. A grown single woman at a bar would be okay. I also wouldn't appreciate you telling my wife she had a pretty smile. Fairly tacky actually.Context matters.
You mentioned girls honestly I think as a grown man you have no business talking to random "girls" you don't know, if you made small talk with one of my teenage daughters I wouldn't appreciate it and they would ignore you anyway. A grown single woman at a bar would be okay. I also wouldn't appreciate you telling my wife she had a pretty smile. Fairly tacky actually.Context matters.
If you read what I wrote .... there's no talk with her
It's a comment mentioned from one adult to another adult.
I find that a pretty interesting analogy, but I think you have to stick strictly with the comments being complementary. The topic of this wasn't "what's wrong with commenting on a girl's looks" which would imply that people don't understand why it's not ok to call a girl ugly, it's "what's wrong with saying a girl is pretty" which is decidedly complimentary only. Including bad comments makes this an apples & oranges comparison.
So given the fact that we're only talking about compliments, I'm not actually sure that a lot of guys would be annoyed by girls coming up to them remarking how "impressive" they were, as long as it was done in a relatively polite manner(as opposed to just making a straight up sexual innuendo).
However, I think that also highlights the issue at it's core(not saying this is right, but life provides different perspectives):
1) In that theoretical world, I think the guys most annoyed would be the ones who never got complimented, not the ones who were, which is similar to the shy girl always wondering why no one like her appearance because she sees everyone else getting compliments.
2) I think from a guy's perspective, they wouldn't mind receiving the compliment, and therefore don't see why a similar polite compliment is received harshly.
Also, I think we can all agree that the sexual innuendo(comparable to a cat call, don't think I need an example here) is very different from a more "socially acceptable" compliment(e.g. "Your hair looks nice today"). That type of "compliment" isn't a compliment at all in either world and is harassment.
Good points Jeo for sure.
My point, and the point of so many women's - is any comment, good or bad, is uncalled for. It is a judgment whether a compliment or not.
As far as the OP comment that calling a 10 year old "pretty" by a family member - well, I wish the OP had included that. I personally do not comment on children's looks because it is a judgment either way. I compliment on how well behaved children are or funny or whatever. I have a friend whose daughter is 11, gorgeous girl, but I tell her mother how impressed I am that she is so self assured and converses at an intelligent level. She is a delight and I've told her mother that a 100 xs. That pleases her greatly.
If you read what I wrote .... there's no talk with her It's a comment mentioned from one adult to another adult.
I would depend on the setting, I would say don't make a habit of doing it in the workplace. If I told a woman I just met "you have a beautiful smile" it would be because I'm attracted to her.
Just wow. I haven't read the entire thread but a simple "Thank you" should be rendered if one is told they are pretty. If the person tries to make anymore out of it that's when you tell them you are involved, not interested, etc...most likely they just wanted to render a compliment.
This is why people are afraid to say anything these days because people take anything and everything out of context.
Context
A family meets another family
The father of one family says "Your little daughter is so pretty" (again, referring to a pretty smile)
Thanks for the context.
In this context I wouldn't necessarily call it creepy. On the other hand, if this is a family you socialize with I still think that what I want to hear is not always how pretty she is, but how smart she is, how good she is at solving problems, how much energy she has, how determined she is, what a great sense of humor she has, how good her art is, how good her voice is. Everything that shows that you are not just thinking about her looks.
Women have had enough of that, and it's not good to raise girls to think, because that's all they are ever complimented on, that that is their most important and noticeable trait.
I've seen girls of all ages (baby to adult) that were pretty
But I get the sense that in our society is almost a crime for a man to say that a girl is pretty
To clarify, when I say pretty, for me usually means that she has a pretty smile.
Well, first of all, if they are adults, they are women, not girls, so let's start there.
But as others have pointed out, women are judged by their looks all.the.time. They have spent a lifetime being told that their worth depends upon what they look like. That's not a good thing. In most situations, it's also just downright inappropriate.
A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say it to a man, don't say it to a woman.
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