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Because they will drag you down to their level and beat you with years of experience.
You may win the battle but will lose the war.
Resistance is futile !
if that is what he is intending to say, it is definitely not what he actually said.
And what is so offensive about what I "actually said"? It's bizarre that you want to debate me and other posters about something that you took out of context and misunderstood. My complete original post, unedited, is below. Keep fishing for things to get offended about ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by dallasgoldrush
I'm going to try to be as delicate as possible with this answer.
There are at least a couple of fairly obvious reasons why, generally, men do not "stand up to their wives".
The first is sexual intimacy. No man looks forward to suffering through a drought when the Mrs. is unhappy, if that makes any sense.
The second reason is due to general behavioral patterns between men and women. Typically women are inclined to have more visibly emotional reactions to things. Men are emotional as well, but their surface behavior more often ranges from practical to aggressive. The result of this is, if and when any serious disagreements ever arise, women are almost always able to publicly frame the situation in a way that makes the man the bad guy.
An example would be when a couple has a private disagreement and the guy reacts to it by publicly raising his voice towards his spouse. It's a bad look. Especially when her reaction is something that subtly pulls at people's heartstrings, like a quiet but sustained whispering campaign where she makes all of her friends and family aware of the ways the guy is not meeting her needs. As a pattern, and perhaps sometimes without even realizing it, women are sophisticated enough to build legions of followers (including the law) to support them in disagreements with their husbands -- even when none of those followers have the slightest clue what initiated the disagreement or who really carries the greater weight of the blame, so to speak.
On a slightly unrelated note, I believe this is one of the reasons women are often inclined to say they have a strong preference for men with confidence. Perhaps in the back of their minds they're aware they have the ability to exert sexual and emotional control over the "typical" man, and therefore find it challenging to fully respect or admire a man who doesn't have the confidence and even the intelligence to hold his own in a battle of wills against them.
Again this is all general. There's no need for anyone to attack me if your specific personality or marriage or relationship falls outside of these patterns.
With all of that said, going back to the OP's original concerns, I really wouldn't consider it alarming to witness a married man not getting his way at all times. Because you're not witnessing the ways the wives are compromising as well. When two people love one another, there's a lot of give and take between them that others don't see. And let's just be real, these couples probably agree more often than you realize. Like multiple other posters have already pointed out, people definitely use their spouses as excuses (aka polite lies) to get out of things they didn't really want to do in the first place.
I'm sure it's been said already, but there is the fear that the wife will deprive them of sex, or the wife will leave, and clean them out in divorce court.
I find it interesting that there is so much talk about patriarchy, with the way many wives dominate their homes. I do not deny the reality of the male dominated power structure, but I'd be willing to bet the majority of marriages have dominant wives and submissive husbands. I've heard so many women 'joke' about being the boss in their homes. Two of my uncles became furious with me when I told them they were prime examples of the type of husband I never wanted to be. They are totally henpecked. Their wives know they have them by the .... family jewels, and they take full advantage of their husbands lack of a backbone.
I come from a family of very assertive women, and they all married spineless men, with the exception of one aunt. That aunt is very strong-willed, and so is her husband - so they've simply been butting heads for the past forty years.
Interestingly enough, I've heard Japanese wives tend to be so domineering, that there is a phenomenon there known as 'monster wives'.
I don't want to be a domineering a-wipe to a wife, but I'm not going to marry a domineering a-wipe, either.
And what is so offensive about what I "actually said"? It's bizarre that you want to debate me and other posters about something that you took out of context and misunderstood. My complete original post, unedited, is below. Keep fishing for things to get offended about ...
It seems to me that you are the one getting huffy here, not me, so calm down. I am not in the least offended by what you posted—I questioned some of what you posted. I did not say that ANYTHING was offensive. You state that women have a way of making men out to be the bad guy and give the example of a man raising his voice in public as a bad look. I questioned how this is a woman’s making a man out to be the bad guy. Who has control of the man’s voice? Further down the line you state women get even the law as well as other people to take their part, against the man. I question whether you think that people blindly believe women over men. Lastly, you stated that men don’t stand up to women because they may have to do without sex. I wondered if you think men value sex over self-respect? I don’t believe what you posted to be the case.
Added: I think I may have a higher opinion of people in general than you do, because I really don’t think most men or women behave in these ways.
It seems to me that you are the one getting huffy here, not me, so calm down. I am not in the least offended by what you posted—I questioned some of what you posted. I did not say that ANYTHING was offensive. You state that women have a way of making men out to be the bad guy and give the example of a man raising his voice in public as a bad look. I questioned how this is a woman’s making a man out to be the bad guy. Who has control of the man’s voice? Further down the line you state women get even the law as well as other people to take their part, against the man. I question whether you think that people blindly believe women over men. Lastly, you stated that men don’t stand up to women because they may have to do without sex. I wondered if you think men value sex over self-respect? I don’t believe what you posted to be the case.
Added: I think I may have a higher opinion of people in general than you do, because I really don’t think most men or women behave in these ways.
My apologies if it came across as though I was blaming women for men's sometimes-bad behavior. I meant it's a bad look for the guy to behave that way. He would absolutely be in the wrong for that reaction. However, in my opinion, his poor behavior in one situation does not automatically make him wrong in whatever underlying situation might have led to the public disagreement.
You may be correct about my skepticism of people in general. Nevertheless my stating that men often avoid contesting their wives does not mean I believe all these men are unhappy. To the contrary, I believe the majority of marriages are happy. But I also understand that a lot of men may have single buddies who don't understand the compromises involved in even the happiest marriages. So, from the outside looking in, the buddies are not always in a position to fully see or understand the overall value that a happily married man's wife adds to his life.
But trust me, I'm very pro-marriage, and I'm very pro-woman, and I'm very pro-se...
My apologies if it came across as though I was blaming women for men's sometimes-bad behavior. I meant it's a bad look for the guy to behave that way. He would absolutely be in the wrong for that reaction. However, in my opinion, his poor behavior in one situation does not automatically make him wrong in whatever underlying situation might have led to the public disagreement.
You may be correct about my skepticism of people in general. Nevertheless my stating that men often avoid contesting their wives does not mean I believe all these men are unhappy. To the contrary, I believe the majority of marriages are happy. But I also understand that a lot of men may have single buddies who don't understand the compromises involved in even the happiest marriages. So, from the outside looking in, the buddies are not always in a position to fully see or understand the overall value that a happily married man's wife adds to his life.
But trust me, I'm very pro-marriage, and I'm very pro-woman, and I'm very pro-se...
Thank you for responding. This post is much more clear. I understand your point on the difference between being wrong on the issue at hand and handling it badly. I agree they are separate matters. I am sure both men and women often avoid confrontation and for various reasons. I am sorry if I also expressed myself poorly in my response to your first post.
I would hope that anyone in a relationship with a partner who frequently uses withholding sex/affection a weapon would reconsider that relationship. That is profound disrespect, although there are some (rare and brief) instances in any relationship in which one person may not want even to look at the other much less be intimate if there is a significant issue.
I have a customer who knows I build old cars. He loves them, but doesn't have one. He will come in and start asking me questions about mine, and tell me how he would love to have one, but his wife would never approve. Sometimes, while we are talking, she will come up behind him and say "You aren't talking about cars again , are you ?" Then she will say " I told you, we do not need a car for a hobby !"
He kinda shrinks and walks off, looking like a whipped pup, and I truly feel sorry for the guy. I have to wonder how he got to this point where she has castrated him so badly.
We've all heard the saying "Happy wife, happy life". I've modified it a little. " NO wife, fantastic life !"
I have a customer who knows I build old cars. He loves them, but doesn't have one. He will come in and start asking me questions about mine, and tell me how he would love to have one, but his wife would never approve. Sometimes, while we are talking, she will come up behind him and say "You aren't talking about cars again , are you ?" Then she will say " I told you, we do not need a car for a hobby !"
He kinda shrinks and walks off, looking like a whipped pup, and I truly feel sorry for the guy. I have to wonder how he got to this point where she has castrated him so badly.
We've all heard the saying "Happy wife, happy life". I've modified it a little. " NO wife, fantastic life !"
Oh, those evil womenz!
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