Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunbiz1
How odd, I always assumed the behavior stemmed from low self-esteem/insecurities. Generally this is the reason they feel the need to inflate themselves via putting others down.
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I think this is a myth people made up to try to make victims feel better as in, "Oh, don't worry about them. They're just insecure/jealous of you." From my personal experience or from what I have heard from others, that is usually not the case. Many bullies are self-entitled narcissists who seem to relish picking on others for the fun of it and as a way of making sure that those they felt were "less than" would know their place. Some of these people also attack others who "dare" to compete with them or deflate their overblown egos in some way. When I say "deflate their overblown egos", I don't mean that they're so insecure that it upsets them that someone might not like them or try to compete with them. I mean that they're like the diva whose ass has been kissed so long they actually feel personally insulted when someone doesn't fawn over them or dares to share the spotlight with them.
For example, on the TV show, "Classmates," a woman reunited with a bully from high school, who wound up becoming a successful TV star. What happened was that the bully had a crush on a boy in high school. The victim had the "temerity" to be interested in him. So the bully, in a rage, ostracized the victim in the last year of high school to "teach her a lesson." She told everyone in the class to not invite her to any parties or social events. She then became persona non grata. The victim spent what should've been the most joyful period in high school completely alone and left behind by her entire class. I don't even think she went to the prom. This sounds like, "Oh, the bully must have been insecure, must have seen her as a threat." No, this was her being a diva, feeling that if she was interested in something (a boy, a contest, etc.) it was hers and hers alone to have, and it was a sign of disrespect for someone to have the "nerve" to try to get it, too.
What's so depressing about this (as if it wasn't already) is that some 30 years later, the victim was still traumatized about the whole thing but to the bully, it was just a blip. A lot of bullies are like that. They're so narcissistic and petty, they almost never remember a fraction of anything they did growing up and would even be shocked to be told how cruel and vicious they were. In fact, most would remember themselves as being the sweetest, most wonderful dears on earth, who were well loved and incredibly popular. The rare ones that acknowledge they were jerks try to use their bullying in a self aggrandizing way as in, "Yeah, I cruelly ruined a girl's life but I've grown so much as a person and now look at me, I'm happily married with three kids and doing great!" Or maybe they'll "apologize", but the apology will be kind of insincere because they won't remember what it is they did that they're apologizing for. All they know is that 20 years down the line, someone is complaining about something they did, and so to be "gracious" and show what wonderful, mature people they are, they'll apologize. But they won't remember a thing.
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