It's been over a month and I'm still having nightmares

[taulery]

I can't seem to stop them. I keep seeing my cousin's young adult son in my dreams/nightmares. He died over a month ago. I worry about my cousin. He's so lost. We all are. Sometimes, I can't get to sleep and then I wake up in the middle of the night. Sigh. And then I cry. And I didn't call my cousin on Thanksgiving because I was too sad and didn't want to upset him. How can a parent be Thankful when his son died? I'm rambling now.

[juneaubound]

Originally Posted by taulery

And I didn't call my cousin on Thanksgiving because I was too sad and didn't want to upset him. How can a parent be Thankful when his son died? I'm rambling now.

A parent can't be thankful when they have lost their son. But call him just to let him know you are thinking of him, that you care about him, and that you are there for him if ever and whenever he needs you. That's enough.

[brokensky]

If you just can't bring yourself to call, why not send a card - just a "thinking of you" type card . . . or write a "thinking of you" note. Or . . . go pick up a Starbucks $10 gift card, put in a card and say "wish I could have that cup of coffee with you - thinking of you" . . . something like that will let him know you care. And really, isn't that what matters in the end? Folks are comforted by knowing others care what they are dealing with.

As for the nightmares and sleep disruption . . . it wouldn't be a bad idea to discuss this with your physician and see if there are some meds you can temporarily use to help you rest. Not sleeping well WILL take a toll on your overall health so do think about taking care of yourself.

[TheViking85]

You know, I absolutely hated those "Thinking of you" cards and statements when my father died, because everyone said it or sent them because of exactly the reason Anifani mentioned, they were too damn uncomfortable with it all.

My best friend said it best in a card he gave me: "Nothing I say will change anything, let me know what I can do."

...Sometimes bluntness can be incredibly refreshing.

[WyoNewk]

Originally Posted by juneaubound

A parent can't be thankful when they have lost their son. But call him just to let him know you are thinking of him, that you care about him, and that you are there for him if ever and whenever he needs you. That's enough.

When I lost my wife several years ago, the best (only) thing anyone could do for me was to bring up their memories of her and let me spill my wonderful memories. You won't be reminding your cousin of his loss, because it's on his mind constantly. Invite him to dinner where you can talk, or just talk on the phone.

Heck, I remember talking to one of my late wife's old high school friends for 2-3 hours on the phone one afternoon. I'd never met her and had never heard of her, but she called to say she'd just learned of my wife's death and was upset. She told me things about my wife that I never knew -- let me into some of her adolescent years. It was good being on the phone, because she couldn't see my steady stream of tears -- good tears. And she let me talk about the life my wife and I had. I think it might have been good for both of us, but I KNOW it was good for me.

When we lose someone so important to us, we want to relive the times we had together, but we also know that we can't do that too much or people will start avoiding us. So when THEY bring up the subject, it's like they're saying, "it's okay, tell me about her/him. I cared enough that I want to hear." It can be such a relief. I'm still appreciative of those who approached me to say they were sorry, some 16+ years ago.