Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
2 years later, I'm settled down now. No more partying or drinking, and it's all hitting me hard. I'm suicidal. I sleep almost all day and when I make it out of the house on a simple food run, I count it as a win. My work has suffered. I'm on intermittent fmla leave thankfully, which has been a godsend.
Is this normal? I know grief doesn't follow a linear timeline but is it normal to grieve harder two years later than you did at first? I am so lost.
2 years later, I'm settled down now. No more partying or drinking, and it's all hitting me hard. I'm suicidal. I sleep almost all day and when I make it out of the house on a simple food run, I count it as a win. My work has suffered. I'm on intermittent fmla leave thankfully, which has been a godsend.
Is this normal? I know grief doesn't follow a linear timeline but is it normal to grieve harder two years later than you did at first? I am so lost.
You need to get help so you can process the loss. Look for a grief group in your area.
Instead of just seeing the loss, see it as having been blessed to have such a wonderful person in your life for the period that you knew them. Realize that many people will never have love like you experienced. You were one of the lucky ones. You had something special. Treasure and remember that.
Yes, you're right. Grief doesn't have a timeline. You never really dealt with it, so now that you've slowed down, it's all catching up with you.
Have you been to counseling? I mean a grief counselor. And someone you've been seeing consistently, for at least several months. Please see someone.
I really hope you you're able to push through this dark period. The pain won't ever fully go away, but you can learn how to cope with it and learn to live with it.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,574,783 times
Reputation: 8044
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 36 years to a sudden, unexpected heart attack. I was out of state when he died, and it was several hours before I could convince authorities to do a welfare check on him. He lay in the driveway, in a snowstorm for almost ten hours. I went numb for almost three years while I settled the estate. I still haven't truly grieved. I stuffed grief down so deeply in those years, that it hasn't really surfaced. I do get a horrid lump in my throat thinking about him, and I can't talk about him to family without crying.
I understand how you feel. Do you have a good friend, parent or other relative you can talk to? What about his family? You might want to look for a grief counseling group if you're into that. Most hospice centers have them, and since your fiance died of cancer, you might find it comforting to talk to others who've also been caregivers and lost their loved ones. It often helps to talk about your loss with others who've been through what you have. I would urge you to check with your local hospice or hospital and see if they have grief counseling. I wish you peace and comfort on your journey. Remember, grief has its own timetable, so be patient and take care of yourself.
It's not abnormal to still grieve after that long, but what you're dealing with is more than that - this is a deep depression. It's something you won't be able to shake on your own. You're going to need to get help for this, but you can get better. Tell your doctor that merely leaving the house is an accomplishment, and your doctor should be able to point you in the right direction. Or ask a friend or family member for help getting set up with counseling. I wish you luck.
I am sorry for your loss. I cannot answer your question. I am only 18 months into the loss of my son to suicide. Your loss is very different to mine. I am sill struggling to find some kind of joy, some rekindling of my old life.
Stress over time can do bad things to us. I agree with Hallouise.
I wish you all the best and hope you will overcome your loss.
Contact these people ASAP GriefShare - Grief Recovery Support Groups - GriefShare They helped me through the loss of my wife of 42 yrs. I didn't go through the partying phase but I sat in the house all day and would go a week or more without showering. I also felt guilty at being relieved that I did not have to care for her 24/7 Grief effects everyone differently, there is no normal. If you are considering hurting yourself you may also need professional help. There is nothing wrong with admitting you cannot handle this loss by yourself.
This has happened to me - I lost my father at the end of 2012, so it's been just over 2 1/2 years.
I believe that when it happens, you're head know it's final, but it takes a while for you heart to accept it.
After about two years, the finality starts to set in, and with that a sense of the TRUE loss of that person in your life - forever. And that is like new grief. That is my personal experience and perspective on it.
It is true--grief has no set pattern.....
I am coming up to the one year anniversary of my husbands death. I have found the last month to be much more difficult then most of the other months. I keep thinking it's probably finally becoming real. I have been so busy trying to get things in order and still keep myself going but now I feel so lonely. My therapist said this is normal and to try to go with the flow. I'm finding it most uncomfortable. It's a struggle just to get through each day sometimes. I am so sorry so many of us are experiencing this and for some for so long. I just pray that next year will get easier.
Last edited by cynwldkat; 08-25-2015 at 05:13 AM..
It's been over 5 yrs since I lost my wife. Since my last post through some unusual circumstances a woman I was engaged to 50 yrs ago has reentered my life. After spending hours on the phone we got together for 4 days. Some old feelings were rekindled and we talked for hours. We are now talking about marriage. I am really happy for the first time in 5 yrs. I know I can love again. It will take time but you can get through loss.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
