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I hired 1-800-Got-Junk. Actually, they were the only ones who wanted to handle it. I can’t go in the garage as I’m allergic to spiders. And the garage is where the bulk of the hoard is.
Seems weird to put this in the grief section maybe, but… it is bringing up a lot of feelings. Sadness. No anger. I pretty much dealt with that.
And the fact of the matter is, if Brent hadn’t died I would’ve been very stuck. Because now, it’s obvious he was in some sort of a cycle of hoarding and working. He did not want to retire, he could not enjoy himself, all he wanted to do is find more stuff and sell it on eBay, find more stuff and sell it on eBay. And all I wanted to do was retire and have us enjoy our lives which he couldn’t have done.
I’ve shed some tears, my sister is predicting I’ll feel relief, but I think I might find a more profound emptiness. A sense of this is really it, he is well and truly gone, I’m really going to sell this house and move. Back to where he never wanted to be again. And to really seal the deal, I’m taking him with me.
See, I had the feeling that this was going to cost me a lot of money. And it is. So I wanted to wait until I got my mothers inheritance. Not much money but so as I wouldn’t deplete my own resources for when I found the new house.
But even before my finding out about my allergy to spiders, he would not allow me in the garage. I haven’t been in that garage for years. And things were going in and out of that garage for years. Cabinets in order to keep things, bookcases, filing cabinets. I actually had no concept of how bad it was until I actually had to look for something in it about four months before he died and could no longer sell on eBay. And even then I didn’t see the whole amount. Just a small tiny bit.
So in my head, the contents of the garage kind of became this behemoth, like worse than what you see on the hoarders show. In reality they are working at a pretty good clip, I think they’ll be done in about four hours. Although they think it’s probably going to be four trucks. Cha Ching!
The one thing I learned from therapy was I have the biggest problem asking for help. I think I need to get over that. Out here the housing prices are crazy, I will probably be able to buy a really nice house back east, pay it off when this one sells and still have money in my pocket. Which will go for a redo on any kitchen so I can have a cooktop and wall ovens.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved my husband with all my heart. I accepted him for who he was. And he loved me with all his heart.
But it’s time for me to get on with my life… and it isn’t here. Clearly. As my massage therapist says the universe is giving me signs. My doctor is winding down his practice. All the places we used to go are being torn down.
So sorry you have to deal with this but I sense you've made the right decision. Whatever you can do to preserve detachment. Think about the hassle this way...if you haven't needed to go into that garage for years, chances are there's nothing specific in it you need to think or care about one way or another. I also suspect you may feel that sense of loss only for a short time. The relief will rise up and replace it and the more significant better memories of your spouse will float to the top.
FWIW, I faced a major cleanout when my dad died too. He wasn't at the full blown hoarder level but getting close IMO and it involved his entire condo. The place was dingy, dirty, depressing, and spider and termite infested. I lived 6 hours of jet travel away and it took weeks to accomplish complicated by siblings who weren't speaking to each other. He couldn't bring himself to part with a single sheet of paper. Because I had to settle the estate I had to sort through all that paper which took a solid exhausting week. He lead an incredibly fussy financial life. By the time it all got shredded the weight topped 1100 lbs. All his years of meticulous document hoarding was reduced to a 12 inch stack of essential papers.
Couldn't just turn my back on the rest of the condo contents as there were sentimental belongings that needed to be located, sorted, or distributed amongst remaining family. Many objects did dredge up memories and feelings so it was a slog, but everything did come to a mostly satisfactory end. A few days into rummaging nameless boxes of junk in the garage, a miracle happened. I cut my hand to the bone on broken china he hadn't been able to part with. With one hand out of commission I couldn't continue without help, so I hired a local one man cleanout/haul away operation recommended by a neighbor. That injury forced my hand...literally and it was a HUGE relief! The clean out guy was a character; quirky, cheerful, efficient, entertaining, endlessly energetic, and so was his hilarious, redheaded girlfriend. They did an amazing job for which I am forever grateful.
I had to recognize the anger I felt at being forced into that miserable situation, but thank goodness that has since faded away. You just have to let feelings run their course.
Best wishes to you OP!
Last edited by Parnassia; 08-21-2021 at 04:19 PM..
With the garage cleaned out, you'll have that weight lifted and will be able to continue moving forward. A big task can be so daunting to the point of inertia. Good for you for getting help to do that.
I hired 1-800-Got-Junk. Actually, they were the only ones who wanted to handle it. I can’t go in the garage as I’m allergic to spiders. And the garage is where the bulk of the hoard is.
Seems weird to put this in the grief section maybe, but… it is bringing up a lot of feelings. Sadness. No anger. I pretty much dealt with that.
And the fact of the matter is, if Brent hadn’t died I would’ve been very stuck. Because now, it’s obvious he was in some sort of a cycle of hoarding and working. He did not want to retire, he could not enjoy himself, all he wanted to do is find more stuff and sell it on eBay, find more stuff and sell it on eBay. And all I wanted to do was retire and have us enjoy our lives which he couldn’t have done.
I’ve shed some tears, my sister is predicting I’ll feel relief, but I think I might find a more profound emptiness. A sense of this is really it, he is well and truly gone, I’m really going to sell this house and move. Back to where he never wanted to be again. And to really seal the deal, I’m taking him with me.
See, I had the feeling that this was going to cost me a lot of money. And it is. So I wanted to wait until I got my mothers inheritance. Not much money but so as I wouldn’t deplete my own resources for when I found the new house.
But even before my finding out about my allergy to spiders, he would not allow me in the garage. I haven’t been in that garage for years. And things were going in and out of that garage for years. Cabinets in order to keep things, bookcases, filing cabinets. I actually had no concept of how bad it was until I actually had to look for something in it about four months before he died and could no longer sell on eBay. And even then I didn’t see the whole amount. Just a small tiny bit.
So in my head, the contents of the garage kind of became this behemoth, like worse than what you see on the hoarders show. In reality they are working at a pretty good clip, I think they’ll be done in about four hours. Although they think it’s probably going to be four trucks. Cha Ching!
The one thing I learned from therapy was I have the biggest problem asking for help. I think I need to get over that. Out here the housing prices are crazy, I will probably be able to buy a really nice house back east, pay it off when this one sells and still have money in my pocket. Which will go for a redo on any kitchen so I can have a cooktop and wall ovens.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved my husband with all my heart. I accepted him for who he was. And he loved me with all his heart.
But it’s time for me to get on with my life… and it isn’t here. Clearly. As my massage therapist says the universe is giving me signs. My doctor is winding down his practice. All the places we used to go are being torn down.
Hey welcome to the club. Lost my first wife and high school sweetheart 35 years ago. It was interesting. The key thing was I had 4 grown females living with me...16 to 24. Try resetting your life under such circumstances.
And it was unthinkable. She was a Bellevue RN and in perfect health... classically had low blood pressure and no health issues. But she had a classic high blood pressure stroke. She ended up in the small local hospital which was actually fine with us as we personally knew all the ICU and connected staff. And we got instant feedback of all stuff from the staff and the doctors. Classical rich neighborhood situations. We basically had all the doctors and the senior RNs as neighbors.
And she well survived the stroke. Then we made a mistake. Allowed her to be transferred to a regular ward. Two days later she passed away. The problem was that when out of the ICU she ended up in a regular room. And she was partially paralyzed on one side. And we think they did not move her regularly. So she cast a clot from the bad side which killed her.
Still feel bad. Had the contacts at that Hospital that could have gotten her a full time nurse. And probably would have to have spent less than half the cost. She also had a local team she worked with...major burn team in OC. They would have volunteered if asked. But I thought she was safe and only wanted to get her into rehab and see if we could get her walking.
Still feel bad. We really went back to high school and used to make out very well in the passage next to her house. Still get thrills remembering how good it was. And we even basically got caught one time in the middle of the act in the basement of my Aunt's house where I lived. But Aunt did not pursue...she approved of young love.
My wife was living in her parents' mobile home when we got married and we lived there for a little while 6 years later when I moved to her place. Her family were "carnies" back in the 70s, traveling all over. The small trailer they hauled things around in, and slept in, was in their back yard. When we got ready to move, she let a recycler have the trailer (no axles under it any more). They didn't charge us to haul it off. Then after we moved to a house, we hired a company to tear down the mobile home. All it cost us was the two dumpsters to haul everything away. The pay for the crew tearing down the mobile home was what they got out of all the recyclable materials. At that time it averaged around $1600.
When the trailer was hauled off, my wife had to leave. She couldn't be there watching it being hauled off down the highway. Too many family memories. Same with the mobile home. The boss of the crew needed one family member there to "supervise", so that was my job for three days. It was a good six months or so after their mobile home was gone that she could bring herself to even drive down the highway past where it used to be. She would look at pictures but wouldn't look at it in person.
My husband had a shed. He wasn't a hoarder but he had a lot of tools in that shed and it was his workplace as well. Same with a work area in the garage. He was always working on something. He also had a big tool chest.
These things were looming to me.
What a relief to clean them all out - I sold most of the tools and the tool box. I only kept the very few things that I would actually use in the future, probably (and I have used a couple of them). It was a huge project but the tools themselves, and the shed for that matter, just made me feel so sad. I didn't even open the door to the shed for several months. Just seeing it sitting in the back yard reminded me of my husband. He was working on a couple of projects when he suddenly died so it was like his presence was there, ya know? He had laid a couple of tools down intending to pick them right back up and finish what he was working on.
Some neighbors knew how I felt about things and not only did they come buy some tools, they also (several of them) gave me a bit of extra money, which was nice. I mean, I know I undervalued some things but I meant to do it because I meant to get rid of this stuff.
Hang in there - surprisingly this is how I felt:
As they were taking things out of the shed and going home, I felt sad. But after it was all cleared out I felt a great sense of relief.
my MIL was a big hoarder because she shopped on HSN and bought everything under the sun . When she passed my husband had 3 full uhaul trucks taken to the goodwill . some of the boxes never even opened I sent those back to hsn and got a huge refund . I explained to them what happened and they were sorry and said of course they would take them back cost me over 400 dollars to send them back . My husband and I felt such a sense of relief and then we called the realtor and she put the sign up and waved and said she would be in touch . Sold the house 4 days later because the house was nice and taken care of . But I still cant believe we had 3 of those truck fulls of stuff .
I feel for you, Tallysmom. If my husband goes first, I will be faced with the same thing. The one thing in my favor is that he is a very organized hoarder. I just went out to his garage today, and saw an old toilet seat leaning against the wall. Really, who does he think will need that? At least all his treasures are in labeled jars or boxes.
I can understand the sad feeling you experienced. I think it’s about the last traces of his dna going off to oblivion. I fully expect you feel free now, and are able to look ahead to new adventures.
I can't imagine what that company charged you. I didn't want to hire them just to remove a sectional sofa because they were very pricey.
Cleaning out is hard work. Hopefully the emptiness will give way to relief. At least you have a plan of where you want to go and what to do.
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Solly says — Be nice!
