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I think this is the correct forum to put this thread . . .
I am in a relationship with a man who is stubborn, likes to do things his way (who doesn't?), and has his own speed (almost neutral). He has a health issue that has going on for several months now. It took quite a while just for him to take himself to the doctor. He would get mad if I pushed him, so I nudged him gently.
Now, it has come down to needing a biopsy. He told me last night that he is waiting for a call from a surgeon for an appointment.
I am highly frustrated and need advise.
First, I don't understand why they just can't look at their schedule (like my doctor's office would do) and say, "Be in Day X at ___ o'clock).
Second, I feel like a *******. Over the years, I have lost my fire. In my younger days, I would have packed a person in the car and taken them to the hospital. Now, I feel that I was always good at intruding. There seems to be a fine line that I'm not good at seeing. So, if I tell you, "we are going," am I intruding? (We don't live together.)
I understand that he is afraid of what the news could be (though he won't admit it). I'm sure that I'd be the same way and would drag my feet. But because it's not me (ha!), I want answers and to know what needs to be done to fix it. He has a trip that he is looking forward to the first part of August and has said that he doesn't want bad news just before going. ARGH
I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I'm just . . . anxious.
First, I don't understand why they just can't look at their schedule (like my doctor's office would do) and say, "Be in Day X at ___ o'clock).
If he's been referred to a surgeon, I can think of two reasons for this:
1. Surgeons don't have regular office hours every day. Some days are reserved for office appointments (including followup visits) while others are spent in the operating room. So the initial appointment has to be scheduled on a day when the surgeon will be at the office and not operating at the hospital.
Which brings us to 2:
2. Surgeons don't work alone; to perform a surgical procedure they need an operating room (staffed with at least two OR nurses), and an anesthesiologist. So before they can schedule a date for a surgery (including a surgical biopsy), they first have to coordinate things with the hospital and find out when they can get the needed OR time. OR time is a precious, rare commodity at most hospitals, so they can't just say "We'll do the surgery on Date X" without checking first.
If he's been referred to a surgeon, I can think of two reasons for this:
1. Surgeons don't have regular office hours every day. Some days are reserved for office appointments (including followup visits) while others are spent in the operating room. So the initial appointment has to be scheduled on a day when the surgeon will be at the office and not operating at the hospital.
Which brings us to 2:
2. Surgeons don't work alone; to perform a surgical procedure they need an operating room (staffed with at least two OR nurses), and an anesthesiologist. So before they can schedule a date for a surgery (including a surgical biopsy), they first have to coordinate things with the hospital and find out when they can get the needed OR time. OR time is a precious, rare commodity at most hospitals, so they can't just say "We'll do the surgery on Date X" without checking first.
I don't see why they can't. Every single procedure I've ever had that involved a hospital - and every single one my sister has had that's involved a hospital (I'm her ride there and back and caregiver when she recuperates, so I know about all her procedures), we've made an appointment either with the doctor's office, or with the hospital's "x" department (with x being whichever type of procedure we're having).
When I had my colonoscopy a couple months ago I had the initial appointment at the hospital, where that doctor has hospital hours and an office (he has a private practice outside the hospital as well). His receptionist scheduled it, I showed up that scheduled day, we had an hour's prep before the procedure, and around an hour after the procedure my sister was driving me home.
When I had the steel plates taken out of my arm (they were put in there when I broke it), I made an appointment with the ortho surgeon's receptionist, showed up that morning for the procedure, and was home that afternoon.
When I had my cervix zapped to removed cancerous cells, my gynecologist had me call the medical center to schedule the appointment. They had her center hours on their schedule and they coordinated all the appointments from there.
At no time have either my sister or I ever had to wait for a doctor to call US with an appointment time. We always called them, or scheduled it for a future date while we were still in their office (at the time when the doctor told us we needed to schedule a procedure).
The only time I've ever had to wait for the doctor to call me for an appointment was when I was waiting for a crown to be made for my teeth, and they had to call me to let me know it was delivered and ready to put in my mouth.
I just told you why they can't: OR time has to be scheduled by the surgeon's practice through the hospital. Simple outpatient procedures (especially ones like colposcopies or colonoscopies, which are generally performed at dedicated outpatient clinics in an assembly-line fashion) are easy to schedule. Actual surgeries are not: the surgeon's office has to talk to the hospital's OR Scheduling Nurse first, briefly describing the procedure he needs to perform (so the OR will have the appropriate instruments at hand) and the approximate time he anticipates the surgery will require so that his case can be fitted into an available time slot. Remember, the OR is going to have multiple surgeries of varying lengths and complexities going on all day, plus some OR slots may need to be held open for emergent cases. It gets quite complicated from a scheduling perspective!
It sounds like the OP's husband is waiting for his initial appointment with the surgeon, though, and that should be easy enough to schedule quickly.
Quote:
The only time I've ever had to wait for the doctor to call me for an appointment was when I was waiting for a crown to be made for my teeth, and they had to call me to let me know it was delivered and ready to put in my mouth.
That's actually more analogous to elective or semi-urgent surgery than any of the other things you cited in your post. Can't install a crown until the dentist has it; can't schedule surgery until an OR time slot has been confirmed. In both cases, it's "hurry up and wait."
Oh, and OP - your fella is a grown man, and there's not much you can do to force him to take care of himself. I'd keep asking if the appointment with the surgeon has been scheduled yet, so he doesn't let that slide, but that's about as far as I'd be willing to push things. And there's probably no reason the biopsy can't wait until he gets back from his trip (provided the trip isn't TOO long), so try not to get too frustrated. Ultimately, it's HIS health.
I understand that he isn't the only patient and that there are several factors involved. Hospitals, surgeons and doctors have been doing this longer than I've been roaming the earth, so they should know from experience what they need when and for approximately how long.
And, yeah, he's a grown man. I just dont want to regret not doing more, if that makes sense. I did get him to call the doctor rather than wait for them to call. He was told someone would call him back, but no one did. He promised that he would call tomorrow to get real answers.
I'm beginning to wonder just how competent they are.
Doctors/surgeons want to make DARN SURE they are going to be paid, so they are probably checking on your insurance and getting an OK. Once they know they will be paid, THEN you will get a call with a quickness!
I've been told they will call me for this or that, and don't get a call for 5 days sometimes.
Also if it would make you feel better, you could go to his appointments with him and sit in. I've done that with someone who could not read/write/communicate well - no biggie, the doctors don't mind someone else being there.
It all depends on the kind of biopsy. That can mean so many things ranging from minimally invasive skin biopsy done incidental to a skin check, to a come back in two weeks so we can do a cervical biopsy to an in-patient procedure to biopsy several lymph nodes.
The in-office procedures are usually set up at the end of the first appointment, as you leave. Hospital or outpatient facility type procedures usually require a phone call to or from the office's surgical coordinator who handles reserving the facility, understanding what your insurance will cover, any pre-procedure requirements etc. If you are waiting on a call from a coordinator, I would not wait more than five business days before calling them to see what's up.
At least get him to get this scheduled now, even if it's for a date after his travel. It would be terrible if he returned from his trip and finally called and they said the next available slot was in two months. This happens, especially the closer you get to the end of the year.
An update: My man had the biopsy. He has liver cancer. He will be going to an oncologist. Until then, I don't know the stage, if it has spread or what to think, though my mind has been crazy.
I don't even know where to begin - so many questions about finance, wondering if the reputation of the hospital has improved over the years, what to do to prepare for the bumpy road ahead.
I'm confident that I can handle anything, except losing him.
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