Can I get feedback on my cover letter and resume? (Repost) (cover letters, employment)

[chelsea_brandemuehl]

Hi everybody,

I'm applying for a job as a legal secretary, and being that I have yet to finish college, I'm not very confident about sending an application without as much feedback as possible. Please review my resume and cover letters and give me your honest opinions. I have two cover letters because they are both worded slightly differently and I'd like to know which is better.

Thanks,

Chelsea Brandemuehl

Cover Letter 1: My name is Chelsea Brandemuehl, and I am writing in response to your ad for a legal assistant. I learned of this position through Wisconsin TechConnect and would welcome the chance to contribute to such a well-established firm.

I am a strong candidate for this position as I am organized and reliable with nearly 4 years of on the job experience. Besides this, I am about to earn my Associate’s Degree in legal administration with a cumulative GPA of 3.68. My education and nearly 4 years of on the job experience have helped me to develop the organizational and technical skills required to be an asset to your firm. I am also accustomed to working under tight time constraints.

My attached resume provides additional information on the experience and abilities that qualify me for this position. I thrive in a busy atmosphere and can handle numerous responsibilities at once. I would enjoy the opportunity to talk with you about how I can help your firm.


Cover Letter 2:
My name is Chelsea Brandemuehl, and I am writing in response to your ad for a legal assistant. I learned of this position through Wisconsin TechConnect and would welcome the chance to contribute to such a well-established firm. My resume is attached for your review.

I am an organized and reliable person and have earned academic honors while majoring in legal administration. Besides this, my education and nearly 4 years of on the job experience have helped me to develop the organizational and technical skills required to be an asset to your firm. In addition, I am accustomed to working under tight time constraints and handling numerous responsibilities at once.

I would enjoy the opportunity to talk with you about how I can help your firm. Please feel free to contact me by phone or email any time. Thank you for your consideration.


Resume:
OBJECTIVE Legal Assistant for Weiss Berzowski Brady LLP
EDUCATION
· Milwaukee Area Technical College
· Major: Legal Administration
· AA degree expected December 2011
· Cumulative GPA: 3.68
· Earned top grades in Business Law, Legal Terminology, Keyboarding, Information Management, Business Document Production, Business Editing and Proofreading, and Administrative Office Procedures.
· Inducted into The Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society in March, 2010.
· Inducted into The National Technical Honor Society in March, 2011.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
· Experience with Excel, Access, making meeting arrangements, and preparing correspondence.
· Proficient with Word, PowerPoint, Adobe Dreamweaver, and Windows.
· Commended by instructors for excellent writing skills and ability to meet deadlines.
· Commended by employers for being dedicated to work and focused on the task at hand.
· Very respectful of clients’ and coworkers’ confidentiality.
EMPLOYMENT
Administrative Assistant
Milwaukee Area Technical College Milwaukee, WI
March 2011 to May 2011
· Produced Word and Excel tables concerning the paralegal program
· Assisted with program evaluation for the ABA
· Operated office equipment including photocopier, scanner, telephone, and multiple computers
Secretary
Red’s Lines, LLC New Berlin, WI
June 2007 to January 2011
· Prepared invoices and proposals using a typewriter
· Maintained files
· Answered telephone

[annerk]

Originally Posted by chelsea_brandemuehl

Hi everybody,

I'm applying for a job as a legal secretary, and being that I have yet to finish college, I'm not very confident about sending an application without as much feedback as possible. Please review my resume and cover letters and give me your honest opinions. I have two cover letters because they are both worded slightly differently and I'd like to know which is better.

Thanks,

Chelsea Brandemuehl

Cover Letter 1: My name is Chelsea Brandemuehl, and I am writing in response to your ad for a legal assistant. I learned of this position through Wisconsin TechConnect and would welcome the chance to contribute to such a well-established firm.

I am a strong candidate for this position as I am organized and reliable with nearly 4 years of on the job experience. Besides this, I am about to earn my Associate’s Degree in legal administration with a cumulative GPA of 3.68. My education and nearly 4 years of on the job experience have helped me to develop the organizational and technical skills required to be an asset to your firm. I am also accustomed to working under tight time constraints.

My attached resume provides additional information on the experience and abilities that qualify me for this position. I thrive in a busy atmosphere and can handle numerous responsibilities at once. I would enjoy the opportunity to talk with you about how I can help your firm.


Cover Letter 2:
My name is Chelsea Brandemuehl, and I am writing in response to your ad for a legal assistant. I learned of this position through Wisconsin TechConnect and would welcome the chance to contribute to such a well-established firm. My resume is attached for your review.

I am an organized and reliable person and have earned academic honors while majoring in legal administration. Besides this, my education and nearly 4 years of on the job experience have helped me to develop the organizational and technical skills required to be an asset to your firm. In addition, I am accustomed to working under tight time constraints and handling numerous responsibilities at once.

I would enjoy the opportunity to talk with you about how I can help your firm. Please feel free to contact me by phone or email any time. Thank you for your consideration.

Don't open with "My name is..." Don't start every sentence with "I."

Resume:

OBJECTIVE Legal Assistant for Weiss Berzowski Brady LLP
EDUCATION
· Milwaukee Area Technical College
· Major: Legal Administration
· AA degree expected December 2011
· Cumulative GPA: 3.68
· Earned top grades in Business Law, Legal Terminology, Keyboarding, Information Management, Business Document Production, Business Editing and Proofreading, and Administrative Office Procedures.
· Inducted into The Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society in March, 2010.
· Inducted into The National Technical Honor Society in March, 2011.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
· Experience with Excel, Access, making meeting arrangements, and preparing correspondence.
· Proficient with Word, PowerPoint, Adobe Dreamweaver, and Windows.
· Commended by instructors for excellent writing skills and ability to meet deadlines.
· Commended by employers for being dedicated to work and focused on the task at hand.
· Very respectful of clients’ and coworkers’ confidentiality.
EMPLOYMENT
Administrative Assistant
Milwaukee Area Technical College Milwaukee, WI
March 2011 to May 2011
· Produced Word and Excel tables concerning the paralegal program
· Assisted with program evaluation for the ABA
· Operated office equipment including photocopier, scanner, telephone, and multiple computers
Secretary
Red’s Lines, LLC New Berlin, WI
June 2007 to January 2011
· Prepared invoices and proposals using a typewriter
· Maintained files
· Answered telephone

Take out the objective. It's not needed and you're just restating the obvious. "and Windows" should read "in a Windows environment" or "on a Microsoft Windows platform"

This should be in the cover letter, not the resume, unless you've got something like letters of reference to back it up:

· Commended by instructors for excellent writing skills and ability to meet deadlines.
· Commended by employers for being dedicated to work and focused on the task at hand.
· Very respectful of clients’ and coworkers’ confidentiality.

If you do have letters of reference, I'd still reword it.

And take out the confidentiality part, in your cover letter you can state that you are discrete and understand the importance of client confidentiality. Never say or imply "my friends think" in a resume or cover letter.

This stuff:

Inducted into The Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society in March, 2010.
· Inducted into The National Technical Honor Society in March, 2011.

Goes at the bottom under Activities and Honors or something along those lines.