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Not to change the thread, but I sort of have that problem...in relation to men, I grew up in a very strict religious home, where subservience to men was the lifestyle. I am very much like that in my dealings with men, even at work. The problem is, men ask me for things all the time, and I find it difficult to say "no". Especially to older men, like my Dad's age. I can't discuss this issue at work, but it has been getting me in a jam lately.
And in my personal life as well.
What a condundrum. I wish I could have some guidance, but to even admit this issue here was huge. And who would I tell this pathology to at work? My supervisor? Right. I can see how messed up that conversation would be. Not good.
Well, I don't know. I suppose I will just continue with this problem, and try to work it out.
Not to change the thread, but I sort of have that problem...in relation to men, I grew up in a very strict religious home, where subservience to men was the lifestyle. I am very much like that in my dealings with men, even at work. The problem is, men ask me for things all the time, and I find it difficult to say "no". Especially to older men, like my Dad's age. I can't discuss this issue at work, but it has been getting me in a jam lately.
And in my personal life as well.
What a condundrum. I wish I could have some guidance, but to even admit this issue here was huge. And who would I tell this pathology to at work? My supervisor? Right. I can see how messed up that conversation would be. Not good.
Well, I don't know. I suppose I will just continue with this problem, and try to work it out.
It is huge, and few people are brave enough to cop to it. For me it came from my parents, especially mom who was fifty yards down field of my boundaries before I even realized it. Once I read "Co-Dependent Noe More" I was able to use certain techniques for asserting my boundaries in a way that wasn't adversarial - A very difficult task. Nonetheless, over time I have taken back my personal power and realize I am the only one who can give it away to someone else.
Recognition of the problem is essential - Then I was able to become aware when it was happening before someone took me off to the races and simply give back their power trip w/o having to argue or create a scene. Now its fun because you can watch these co-dependent types become consumed with their own ego games without having to participate in their dysfunctional behavior. The hand is a great symbol for this tool of independence.
I don't see it as "co-dependence". Maybe it is. Hmmm, something to think about.
Labels are not as important as recognizing what you choose to change. There are solutions and tools available. Core issue, to me, is doing what I need to do to maintain my inner serenity and not be a door mat to the whims of those around me. You know it bothers you and therein is the motivation to change your behavior which is definitely in your power to do if you so desire.
I don't see myself as a "door mat". Just that I am "wired" to obey. It is very difficult for me to say "no" to men. No to any request. Which could be an issue, but the nice thing about laws and rules is that I follow the administrative rules, which outline my responses when I have requests. Of course, all laws are subject to interpretation.
I also agree with men at work. I just don't fight with them. There is this one woman I work with, she is fiesty, and always fights with everyone about everything. I watch her go at men, and just marvel at her tenacity. I could never be that way.
Setting boundaries and fighting aren't necessarily the same thing. I did not mean to imply you were a door mat, but when people intrude on our boundaries we sometimes feel that way.
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