I am tired of my ilnesses (depression, psychiatrist, antidepressants, sleepy)

[Azul91]

Hi,

I am 23 yrs old, and I have suffered from depression since I was child. I remember contemplating suicide so many times. I am gay, so I was bullied at school, no friends, and I had to go home to an angry father. I would hide in my room.

For the past 2 years I have been seen by a psychiatrist. I am currently on Prozac 80mg, Seroquel 50mg , Cymbalta 60mg, and Adderall 40mg.

And while they've helped, the deep hole in my chest has never went away, only masked.

I've always wanted a relationship with a guy, but I become so obsessed, clingy, needy. For example, the only guy I dated, I would cry and feel suicidal if he didn't text me back (ugh) I think it has do with my depression and feelings of never feeling loved or wanted.

It's always going to be like that, so I know that no relationship of mine would ever be healthy. I hate this because I want nothing more than to be in a relationship, but who wants someone so needy and clingy...I don't know if it's another disorder or not, but it brings suicidal thoughts. Which I think is an absurd reason to have them from this...

[jerseyj]

First of all, obsessed, clingy and needy are never good in any relationship, gay or straight. Your chances of maintaining a healthy relationship with those characteristics are unlikely.

Your comment "it's always going to be like this" is defeatist and will probably result in a self fulfilling prophecy.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but you need to start dealing with and coming to grips with your current and past relationships before you can proceed to healthy long term ones.

Maybe talk to your shrink about reducing your meds so you can start "feeling" again and learn how to cope with that.

Find a supportive group that will teach you how to interact with your peers in a healthy manner.

You are young and should have much ahead of you. Make a good choice.

[todd00]

Azul91, You are on a lot of meds. You are on two antidepressants, Seroquel which makes people sleepy and Adderall which makes people awake, or levels their mood. It's hard to tell when on so many what is working and what isn't. Have you had more suicidal thoughts since on Prozac, it can do that, especially to young people. It made me feel worse, more suicidal thoughts. Maybe you need to see another doc, get another opinion regarding a treatment plan. You might try a support group through NAMI, maybe they can help you find another doc to talk to also. I know how it is, I have treatment resistant depression and anxiety and it's a very hard fight. And many people just don't don't understand and treat ya differently than if a purely physical illness. Which makes it more difficult as well. Good luck.

Support | NAMI Minnesota

[Utopian Slums]

I'm not an MD but I agree that you are on relatively a lot of meds. I understand the serequel and Adderall combo but that is a lot of Prozac (usual dose is 20-40mgs) and Cymbalta is a similar med. (SSRI vs SNRI.)

Regardless of that, I really think what you need is a good talk therapist to work on your relationship issues.

I wish you well. ..

[YahYouBetcha]

I'm so sorry. I've been where you are, and it's hard. My advice is to get yourself mentally stable before you date people. That way, you won't feel as bad if something goes wrong and be more resilient. Feel free to message me if you want to talk