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My wife has severe PTSD and has just been diagnosed with Bipolar as well following a very nasty and difficult scenario of events that caused her to brake down recently. She is very stubborn, and doesn't listen to advise from me or anyone else...We could be talking about a subject and she would get mad at me and have an angry outburst where she swears at me, insults me and tries to break me down.
Alcohol is used as a self- medication tool, but then the moods are also triggered because there's no policeman in front of her mouth. She saw another psychiatrist yesterday and got prescription meds. Doctor called me and spoke to me in front of her so we would both have record...so she told me that she needs to take XX meds for mood stabilising. So now my wife doesn't want to take the meds because she says she doesn't like the doctor because she never listened too her and threatened her with the spychiatric hospital...but when I spoke to her she said that my wife is scared that I'll take her to the psyc hospital...
Either one is lying to me, and i don't know which one. We've been married for 1 year and six months and I've reached a point where I'm ready to call it quits. I don't know what to do anymore to help her...she thinks she's the smartest person on earth and when i ask her to please listen to the doctors she tells me she knows better and she also studied psychology. She did and knows manipulation and persuasion skills like nobody...always tries to persuade me to buy alcohol.
I would really like some advise because like I said, I love her more than life...and when her mood is up we have the best time ever, but when her mood is down we argue...she doesn't listen. Talks over me, and the worst is the shouting and swearing...the neighbours are probably thinking we're killing each other every night. She disassociates and becomes somebody else, a very angry person who wants to fight and insult me.
This morning I put her meds by her coffee I make every morning before leaving for work, with a note saying that I would really like for her to work with me, and that I can only help her If she realises she needs help too.
The medication makes her very lethargic and the problem is she's ADHD like me, so that's why she doesn't want to take it. I'm a very strong man and can take a lot, but this is getting me depressed too...I can't find time for myself anymore, I always have to be by her side and hold her hand, try and keep her calm. But it's getting too much now...
If you don't have kids I suggest you separate from her. It may inspire her to take affirmative action to get on a better track to manage her health. I hope you are using birth control; this is very important.
Since you have your own challenges, you will need to do your best to make her understand that her present state of instability is more than you're capable of managing and you fear your health will be seriously compromised. And, as much as you each care about the other, you both need to do the best thing for each of you. If she loves you, she must understand that you are at a breaking point and cannot continue. You must move and carry on by yourself for a while. This will be very difficult but seems like the only solution. Have you discussed this with a therapist?
I think you need to realize that you cannot "reason" with a person who is severely mentally ill and refusing to take their medication. Forget about having rational discussions, making promises to one another, etc... She literally can't even think straight while unmedicated.
So it's like chasing your own tail, going around in circles over and over again. You can't make "progress" to a stable relationship while she refuses to take medication.
Because she refuses to take medication, all the counselling and therapy in the world won't make any difference at all.
It's been a while...but after a lot of police call outs and domestic violence she has now filed for a divorce. I even had to leave my own home because of her actions and violent behaviour, and am living with a friend. She still refuses to admit she's bipolar and it's making things worse. What makes my situation worse is that we're married in community of property, and I don't really have much money for a lawyer etc. At least I have found a legal adviser through my employer, and am busy getting advice now.
Thanks for the update. Once you get past all this, someday you WILL look back and be grateful you both moved on without seriously harming eachother or having kids to keep you tethered. Its good you have a friend giving you temporary shelter!
Sometimes loss of property is a small price to pay for your mental freedom. If she wants the house, and you are still paying off the house, you can always get the loan/mortgage adjusted so its just in her name if she wants the house so badly. Just think of the money that has gone into the house as rent, and not a loss.
Here is a nice article that might relate to you: BPD Central
There is also a great documentary on Netflixs called Divorce Corp. I would definitely suggest to watch it. It goes over common ways that lawyers and family courts try to milk you for every dollar you have.
Yeah, I'm planning a new life and am grateful for having good friends I can rely on. She doesn't have that because of her lying and manipulating. Thanks for all the support and advice.
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