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Sorry for this Copy and paste it's just too much to write again.. but I noticed or started to notice the same patterns which had me really searching which led me to BPD, that would explain why her friend was concerned if I would be able my ex.
OK rather then make a new topic I wanted to say what has gone on since the last post.. no doubt in my mind she has BPD if it's not her push/pull behavior it's her actions.. like at dinner or just in general talking to her she like spaces out and stares out for about 15-20 seconds at a time then she refocuses back on me... Now i can break that by saying something like "I love you" and she will say something regarding that..
So when she caught wind that I went on a date with a girl she got pretty upset and sent me a text saying I will never find another girl like her (she used her name but I wont name her) pushed me away for a bit.. she went on dates with others but they all tried to get too close (she comes on too strong) and she pushed them away.. So now jumping around.. She contacted me on facebook if I wanted to see the Luna eclipse I said sure.. and she was like great.. now when that time came around and I did not hear from her I called her and she claimed she forgot all about it which was a little odd but oh well, met up with her and she wanted me to rub her thighs and legs and she told me that I'm the only guy she wants to be with and have children with and she was holding my hand when she said it.. Now seeing how she has acted before (6 months) I've heard it too much before so I kept a blank expression and she asked what was wrong and I told her nothing just thinking.
Got to the boardwalk talked and kissed a bit then she was ready to go home and she fell asleep in the car, she talked for about 30 min outside her place I asked her a few questions, manly about her past relationships.. her longest being 2 years.. Now the interesting part about this was like she said I know we are not a couple right now but in January we can go to couples therapy so you can see what you are getting yourself into. At that point it became very clear I'm most positive she has BPD, between her anxiety and the meds she takes (she hasn't told me yet) and her behavior it's very apparent. Now she told me she felt like I don't have enough experience for her and that I should go out on dates with some girls but she made sure to just date and not get into a relationship with them (fear of amendment) Now it's pretty obvious if I did go on a date she would assume me of cheating and she would be at ease because her thoughts of me cheating would of came true.
I've noticed when she tells me things like "I had a dream about you" I know it's never in a good light.. from what I remember most all of them had me painted as if I was cheating on her. another thing when we were out watching the moon she whispered in my ear that I love you but she told me not to repeat it which does not make sense? Or she will say I will only say this once then she will say I love you. She's not too keen on me saying it.. my main thing is the ride in the car and her holding my hand if she was truthful with that or if that's just wanting me to validate her. She gets rather upset if she feels I'm not listening. I'd say around almost 2 months when I started reading more info I stated to be more mindful in how I act and what I say around her.. I still don't know 100% what her trigger words are.
When she's not pushing me away she's the sweetest girl, as she told me when we got back into the car after watching the moon I'm the only guy that's stuck with her, I'm not totally 100% sure shes going to keep her promise she said she wanted to come over for Thanksgiving since it's a day before my birthday she seemed like she wants to by saying it would be the first time away from her family for Thanksgiving but I learned not to get my hopes up too much.
To kind of sum up what's this is about I'm wondering what she says if she really means it.. now that I've known a bit more (been reading for a few days) I feel really bad for at least not speaking.. I've never yelled or raised my voice at her on every single time shes the one that stopped speaking or she would tell me it's not you it's me. I feel so bad I just want to give her a hug but that's a trigger for her.
Does she self-injure? Are there other guys she's considering too now? Does she had chronic feelings of emptiness? An unstable self-image? What was her childhood like with her parents, her mom in particular?
Does she self-injure? Are there other guys she's considering too now? Does she had chronic feelings of emptiness? An unstable self-image? What was her childhood like with her parents, her mom in particular?
Very insecure and she desires to be thin.. Her relationship with her Mom is ok but sometimes she gets a bit tired of her because she won't let her have her freedom. She does not self injury.
so i told her about it and she asked me to send her a link but I did not on purpose and later that night she ended up texting me is this what you are talking about (link to BPD) and I said yeah and she said yeah.. so she agrees with it.. I took notice because she looked it up on her own.
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