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No real advice except don't necessarily go running after addiction counseling, or AA before you really research. There is a delusion in our society that AA is some magical solution to addiction. In reality, statistics regarding it's long term success are WAY worse than their followers would like to believe. Most other first world healthcare systems have a very different approach and a lot more long term success, including the use of long term pharmaceuticals that control cravings. Good luck.
You may "get along great" with your wife because she doesn't feel she has a lot of choices with 4 young children - you might find out differently if you had a really honest discussion. You can both love each other a lot but still have a problem that needs to be addressed.
In the meantime, get over the idea you'll be traveling all over when retired - you don't have 8 drinks a night for (another) 30 years and end up in the physical shape to do any kind of real travel - your body is gonna be real beat up.
This ^^^. That OP is a hole when not drinking may also mean his wife does not now raise objections permitting them to "get along great." She herself may well be in denial, for in the end *his* problem will become *her" problem and she's got 4 young children.
The relative who drank (and continues to drink) into his 60s went from very physically active to increasingly sedentary, from extensive traveling to none.
Serious alcoholics seldom realize how their drinking affects the rest of their family.
Why would they realize? They're in a happy alcoholic haze where everything is peachy-keen. The family tiptoes around them, not bothering them with anything, making allowances for their behavior. Their kids creep past them because they don't know what's going to set Dad/Mom off next and even if Dad/Mon is in a good mood, who wants to smell his/her alcoholic fumes radiating from their body. The spouse is often just happy that the alcoholic is staying out of everyone's way.
After more than ten years of 'issues' I realized it was my drinking affecting life and family. I hated it but wound up in AA meetings regularly for ten years and occasionally in the twenty years since, turning my life around and developing a good retirement plan.
The fact you asked the question probably means action is appropriate.
It is not. You do not see what your family sees.You still have four kids to educate. What are you saving for them?
My grown kids have grown kids. Their houses and educations are fully paid for. They each have around 500K in their 401s if that is the info you are looking for. Could be more these days since the market has been doing so well. They also have a pension plan at work.
When I don't drink in the evenings I'm in a terrible mood and a a hole to my family for no reason. When I'm drinking I'm down for whatever anyone wants to do. My hobbies are drinking and working.
Preface: I am surprised with the way this society is going everyone is not an addict or isn't on some type of psychotropic medication.
However, the part I quoted, this part is a problem. Drinking in and of itself is not the problem:
Drinking a specific amount doesn't make you an alcoholic. Everyone's liver is different. There are those who can drink 10 oz hard liquor and blow clean BAC in 2 hours. And 1 person who gets drunk off of one serving (1.5oz) But if you are getting beyond buzzed (AKA "Drunk") and making decisions you wouldn't ordinarily make and relying on it as a crutch to feel better chemically then you are consuming too much outside of revelry.
Stop focusing on the drink count and start focusing on your overall life. The problem is with your overall life. You are drinking to address a stressor, an empty feeling or some other deficiency. Alcohol is adding something that you feel is "missing". I just saved you $1,000 in Psychologist Co-payments.
I come from a family of alcoholics and drink modestly. The key is addressing your other life issues which feed alcoholism. AA isn't going to help everyone because AA doesn't address all of the issues that cause alcoholism. All alcoholics have one thing in common it is the social component. There is also the chemical dependency.
It is not. You do not see what your family sees.You still have four kids to educate. What are you saving for them?
My grown kids have grown kids. Their houses and educations are fully paid for. They each have around 500K in their 401s if that is the info you are looking for. Could be more these days since the market has been doing so well. They also have a pension plan at work.
You mind sharing your experience as a kid with your dad drinking?
I am just over 400 days sober this time, just about the longest yet and I think I have areal shot at stopping for good. One of the things that drives me is seeing stats and anecdotal information on what happens to people who drink too much when they retire. It often gets worse and they spend a lot of what could be some really good years in a drunken stupor. And on average they get less of those years. I would be far better off if I had stuck to it on one of my earlier attempts.
A little drunk, he was all lovey dovey. A few more, and he was mean as a snake. He never remembered.
He once beat me with a belt and gave me a black eye. I have no clue what I did to **** him off.
When I got older, there was never having a friend over due to the uncertainty of his condition.
I grew up fast. Some would say the hyper vigilance i exhibited is due to wanting certainty in my life. I was really conservative and religious for about 20 years. Some think I was looking for a Big daddy to give control to my life. It effected my kids.
Thank goodness the kids got therapy. That helped all of us.
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