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I have suffered from depression my whole life, but i have always been high functioning, head down plow through. I have always just accepted it as part of who i am, but I can tell my depression is worse these days and suicide has been at the back of my mind for months now.
I have been in therapy for a long time and my therapist has mentioned meds every so often but i have always declined because worry about how it will change me not only emotionally but physically too.
I was wondering if anyone would like to share when they finally realized it was time for medication, what were the side effects?
Yes they change you emotionally.....for the better!!!
Sorry you've gone through this...I have had depression since childhood. In my late 20s I started therapy and then later medications. It's taken years to find the correct antidepressants for me but finally I'm in a good place.
You must start out slowly with them and give the med weeks before you expect results. Some meds might not work for you or might cause untoward side effects...your MD will monitor the drug effects along with you. So you might need to try different ones before you find the one for you. We all respond differently to these meds.
I encourage you to give them a shot...you deserve to live your life free from this crippling illness. Don't feel ashamed either...these meds WORK and help you live a normal life!
I have suffered from depression my whole life, but i have always been high functioning, head down plow through. I have always just accepted it as part of who i am, but I can tell my depression is worse these days and suicide has been at the back of my mind for months now.
I have been in therapy for a long time and my therapist has mentioned meds every so often but i have always declined because worry about how it will change me not only emotionally but physically too.
I was wondering if anyone would like to share when they finally realized it was time for medication, what were the side effects?
For myself I think the point came when I could no longer get any benefit from various counseling self-help tools...the techniques suggested by counselors, staying fit and active, or from self-help reading I did. Instead of less or more intense down periods, it was neverending. I was wearing out even the most sympathetic friends. When I lost the ability to see anything for the future at all. I was exhausted, ready to lie down and stop everything. Sure I thought about suicide but I was at the point where I couldn't even act on it. There was no respite, ever. It became a physical sickness, not just emotional. Everything hurt. Everything was dull and seen through grey gauze. I would either sleep endlessly or not sleep at all. I was wandering around like a zombie even in places that would normally lift my heart. I could stare at them and see nothing. Flat and distant. I couldn't function no matter how much I went to my counselor (one I trusted and liked) for reassurance, reminders of what SHOULD be helping, and support. What I had lost was my innate "cushion", my reserve, that level of ability to survive no matter what. It had been worn away. I couldn't even get angry about it. Was past crying. My face felt wooden, skin felt as if it had been dipped in Novocaine.
Just like most people I felt that taking medication was the coward's way out, accepting the crutch, forced to admit that I was simply not strong or determined enough to keep going by strength of will. I was humiliated and if I had been able to get angry about it I would have. I don't remember just what the counselor said that finally got through, but I am forever grateful. I was extremely lucky to find the right medication fairly soon. It took a while but one day I realized I was starting to notice things that had been forgotten. Things started to have a bit of flavor, make an impression. I started to care, started to respond. The grey gauze was getting pulled away. The techniques that used to help started to have an effect again. There is no way to describe this unless you've felt it. There's a tiny glimmer of the world again.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-11-2018 at 02:39 PM..
Thank you for sharing your stories, next appointment with the therapist is at the beginning of the year, i think i will bring it up this time. I know something has to change because this current dark spell just doesnt want to lift.
For myself I think the point came when I could no longer get any benefit from various counseling self-help tools...the techniques suggested by counselors, staying fit and active, or from self-help reading I did. Instead of less or more intense down periods, it was neverending. I was wearing out even the most sympathetic friends. When I lost the ability to see anything for the future at all. I was exhausted, ready to lie down and stop everything. Sure I thought about suicide but I was at the point where I couldn't even act on it. There was no respite, ever. It became a physical sickness, not just emotional. Everything hurt. Everything was dull and seen through grey gauze. I would either sleep endlessly or not sleep at all. I was wandering around like a zombie even in places that would normally lift my heart. I could stare at them and see nothing. Flat and distant. I couldn't function no matter how much I went to my counselor (one I trusted and liked) for reassurance, reminders of what SHOULD be helping, and support. What I had lost was my innate "cushion", my reserve, that level of ability to survive no matter what. It had been worn away. I couldn't even get angry about it. Was past crying. My face felt wooden, skin felt as if it had been dipped in Novocaine.
Just like most people I felt that taking medication was the coward's way out, accepting the crutch, forced to admit that I was simply not strong or determined enough to keep going by strength of will. I was humiliated and if I had been able to get angry about it I would have. I don't remember just what the counselor said that finally got through, but I am forever grateful. I was extremely lucky to find the right medication fairly soon. It took a while but one day I realized I was starting to notice things that had been forgotten. Things started to have a bit of flavor, make an impression. I started to care, started to respond. The grey gauze was getting pulled away. The techniques that used to help started to have an effect again. There is no way to describe this unless you've felt it. There's a tiny glimmer of the world again.
A dear friend put it to me this way......life’s ups and downs are like ocean waves. Would you rather do it on a life raft or a luxury cruise? I don’t take anti depressant medicine but if I felt like I was navigating life’s ups and downs on a flimsy life raft, I’d see a doctor for medicine.
I think I realized something was wrong when I would miss work, go on long trips for no reason, buy things that I couldn’t afford, go on gambling sprees, then I would get home and go into a deep depression so bad that I just wanted my life to end. I am bipolar, and the meds and therapy are helping, but it’s not easy dealing with this.
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