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I probably have high functioning autism, that's why. I look and act normal on the surface, but my thoughts are autistic. Of course, I would like to have a few friends, but I want true friends, not just people you hang out with. My point is that not having friends has not affected as much as it probably affects other people.
I never actively looked for friend or made an extra effort, went out of my way to make friends. In a way, due to fear of rejection, but I've had people approach me, try to be friends with me, doing all the work for me, but I wasn't really interested in them that much.
I'm more depressed about lots of other things than not having friends. Being lonely affects some more than others. It doesn't affect me as much, because I'm used to it. I'm very emotionally independent.
Here, in the US many people confuse acquaintances with friends. One can have many acquaintances but just very few friends and there is nothing wrong with it.
There's a marked difference between acquaintances and friends. Most people really don't become friends. They have acquaintances, someone they might like to from time to time hang out with
I don't have many friends and I don't strive to have many. One or two really close friends it's all most people need. A few close friends will always mean more than any number of superficial ones.
I asked where are you from, OP, because making friends is often a cultural thing.
This is of course a generalization, but some cultures tend to have more strict criteria to what is considered a friendship. So, living here you might not feel deeply connected to people around you.
I like the saying that fake friends are like a shadow. On a sunny day you cannot get rid of them. When it is cloudy you cannot find them, no matter how much effort you make.
So, having no friends is not necessary a reason for depression, or sign of mental sickness.
Most introverts are perfectly happy in their own company. They are not antisocial, just content with solitude, and probably don't even understand why so many people seem to think they should be more sociable...
There is a reason introverts experience a deep sense of satisfaction, even joy, in solitary pursuits, and it is not because there is something wrong with them. It is because they are, by nature, designed to generate life energy in this manner.
I think you might be one of them.
However, according to some "experts" on human behavior, people with few or no friends run the risk of being perceived as seriously disturbed and in need of "professional help". They point to an underlying pathology such as a social phobia or avoidant personality disorder
I probably have high functioning autism, that's why. I look and act normal on the surface, but my thoughts are autistic. Of course, I would like to have a few friends, but I want true friends, not just people you hang out with. My point is that not having friends has not affected as much as it probably affects other people.
I never actively looked for friend or made an extra effort, went out of my way to make friends. In a way, due to fear of rejection, but I've had people approach me, try to be friends with me, doing all the work for me, but I wasn't really interested in them that much.
I'm more depressed about lots of other things than not having friends. Being lonely affects some more than others. It doesn't affect me as much, because I'm used to it. I'm very emotionally independent.
What are autistic thoughts? You just sound like someone looking to label themselves in order to have an excuse for perceived shortcomings. Unless you are diagnosed, you don't have anything.
You want friends but you don't care if you don't actually have any friends???
What are autistic thoughts? You just sound like someone looking to label themselves in order to have an excuse for perceived shortcomings. Unless you are diagnosed, you don't have anything.
You want friends but you don't care if you don't actually have any friends???
I only want a couple of real friends, that's it. I'd rather be lonely than hang out with people who don't really care about me. Unless a psychologist/psychiatrist can read minds, how could he know what is really in your mind? He doesn't. He "diagnoses" you based on what the vibe he gets from you and whatever response you give in oral or written tests, then he lumps you into whatever predetermined group they have for people, whatever he or she, thinks you fall into. That barely scrapes the surface of a person's thoughts and inner workings of the mind. I don't need a diagnosis to tell me that I have autism, as I have lived with this all my life.
We place too much importance in these so called "experts", all they do is regurgitate and repeat procedures someone else created to "lump" people into categories. They would never know me better than I know myself and what goes on in my mind.
Nasalpolyps, you seem to have everything figured out with preconceived ideas on how things are. You were given good advice here but, you're still putting up a wall and staying stuck in your head, not willing to listen and take the advice given.
I'm just wondering what exactly were you expecting to hear when you first posted. If you're happy being alone then that's a good thing.
As far as it not being possible for adults to make friends, that's simply not true. I'm 65, moved to another state I've never lived in before and I DID make quite as few friends.
Did you know that being social is a skill? Some people just don't have that skill.
I would hope you have health insurance so that you can seek the help you definitely need. But you have preconceived ideas about professionals. So just be at peace with the way things are. You state you don't care, so there you go. You answered your own post.
I only want a couple of real friends, that's it. I'd rather be lonely than hang out with people who don't really care about me. Unless a psychologist/psychiatrist can read minds, how could he know what is really in your mind? He doesn't. He "diagnoses" you based on what the vibe he gets from you and whatever response you give in oral or written tests, then he lumps you into whatever predetermined group they have for people, whatever he or she, thinks you fall into. That barely scrapes the surface of a person's thoughts and inner workings of the mind. I don't need a diagnosis to tell me that I have autism, as I have lived with this all my life.
We place too much importance in these so called "experts", all they do is regurgitate and repeat procedures someone else created to "lump" people into categories. They would never know me better than I know myself and what goes on in my mind.
This is ridiculous.
You WANT answers but won't do anything about getting them (other than posting here endlessly). Instead you shoot down every suggestion and keep diagnosing yourself.
You WANT friends but only on your very specific terms and you won't put any effort into other people. Good luck finding anyone willing to take your abuse just for the honor of being your friend.
You WANT your various health problems to be dealt with but won't make an effort to learn or listen to anything new outside your own thoughts in order to get it.
You have every preconceived notion in the book about various care disciplines. If you are actually so superior to all these professions why aren't your self-help approaches doing a better job addressing them? Why CAN'T you answer your own questions? The "responses" you keep presenting don't contain answers. You are simply stroking your ego and listening to yourself speak. I no longer understand why you even post here.
Lose the attitude. You just might be surprised how much better you'll feel when the weight of that massive chip is off your shoulder.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-18-2018 at 11:55 PM..
I only have one friend back in my home country, someone who I grew up with, but besides him, I never really had any friends. The weird part is that I never really craved to have friends, like I'm 34 now and all these years, it never really bugged me. I never felt depressed about not having friends. It's probably because I'm a very introverted person and I prefer to be alone than deal with other people I don't really care about.
It's rare for me to find someone I find interesting enough to hang out with, be friends. Most people I don't really care about, I don't know if that makes me mean or a bad person, but I truly never cared. Sometimes I think how it would be to have a group of friends, but then you realize all the stuff you have to do just to keep up with people and I just can't deal with that.
Maybe this is because I have autism, I always suspected to be aspergers syndrome, though, I haven't been diagnosed, I have all the symptoms.
I'm just about the same way (38-yr old woman here). The only true friend I have is my husband. The rest are acquaintances. I prefer it that way. It is also rare for me to find someone I find interesting; most of the time it is chore for me to socialize with people (practically all the time). I prefer to either be by myself or like at work where you are there for a reason and not just to get together to talk (soooooooooooo boring!!!).
However, I'm not aware of any disorders I have. Most people (like at work) find me easy to get along with, friendly and pleasant to be around. I socialize fairly well in groups but if you put me one on one with someone who isn't a great conversationalist it will be very awkward (I'm horrible at coming up with things to talk about). It appears I'm just introverted and just don't need or want many close interactions with people.
(I do truly care about people however. If I had more time, I wouldn't mind getting together with some people to actually do something, like paint a house or something along those lines. It's just the getting together to talk that bores me out of my mind. I never look at that as anything other than a mini-prison sentence that I just can't wait for the end of!).
Frankly, anyone who denies wanting friends and goes to such lengths to come up with reasons why that might be – as you do in your OP – wants friends.
"I wouldn't mind having a couple of friends, but I would have be really interested in them and really like them, like a very deep connection, like it was meant to be."
How do you think those "very deep connections" come about? It starts small and builds. It starts with "Hi. I'm ____. Nice to meet you. Want to get a cup of coffee?" They sure don't happen if you never start. If you think that's how friendship is "like it was meant to be" you've seen some simplistic movies or something.
You're working overtime to convince yourself you don't need or want friends. This is another facet of you trying to convince yourself of all of your supposed physical maladies.
Do get some help. And make a small attempt to make a friend or two.
At this rate, you'll never need an enemy because the worst one is – the guy in the mirror.
I don’t think it’s usually quite that simple. Most true friendships sort of happen by accident, sometimes you’re around another person for some reason and realize ‘this person likes the same things I do’.
You have every preconceived notion in the book about various care disciplines. If you are actually so superior to all these professions why aren't your self-help approaches doing a better job addressing them? Why CAN'T you answer your own questions? The "responses" you keep presenting don't contain answers. You are simply stroking your ego and listening to yourself speak.
Yes, some of them certainly can listen to themselves talk all day long. Ask how I know
The OP's statements about the processes of mental health professionals are, well, "inaccurate" is the nicest word I could come up with.
However, the OP did back into something without realizing it. If the OP went to see a psychologist, chances are that practitioner has heard of autism but has no idea whatsoever of the ramifications or how to help an autist find friends.
I've been amazed how many in that profession I've talked to who could not give me useful information on autism. The people in the online groups (Wrong Planet, autists) and (AS Partners on Delphi Forums, people married to autists) are light-years more knowledgeable.
For the OP, I'd recommend Wrong Planet (wrongplanet.net), where there are forums on love, socializing, etc. The other resource I cited above is for NTs.
I'm just about the same way (38-yr old woman here). The only true friend I have is my husband. The rest are acquaintances. I prefer it that way. It is also rare for me to find someone I find interesting; most of the time it is chore for me to socialize with people (practically all the time). I prefer to either be by myself or like at work where you are there for a reason and not just to get together to talk (soooooooooooo boring!!!).
However, I'm not aware of any disorders I have. Most people (like at work) find me easy to get along with, friendly and pleasant to be around. I socialize fairly well in groups but if you put me one on one with someone who isn't a great conversationalist it will be very awkward (I'm horrible at coming up with things to talk about). It appears I'm just introverted and just don't need or want many close interactions with people.
(I do truly care about people however. If I had more time, I wouldn't mind getting together with some people to actually do something, like paint a house or something along those lines. It's just the getting together to talk that bores me out of my mind. I never look at that as anything other than a mini-prison sentence that I just can't wait for the end of!).
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. I am very similar to you and approach it much the same way. You have learned ways to function in the world without being a dismissive sulky PITA. IMHO you have the opposite of a "disorder"
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