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Hey guys. So I'm 20 going on 21 in June, and I'm at a point in my life now where I can really take my life in a positive direction even given my troubled past. I have ASD(Autism Spectrum Disorder) and struggled with bad social skills and years of family dysfunction(parents fought alot, Dad was unsupportive lot of the time, sister has tried to kill herself several times, etc). I will be taking my NREMT test to become an EMT and moving out from my mom's house to get space from all that and to further work on myself. I am pretty much normal in terms of social intuition now(have proper give and take in conversations as opposed to rambling, more mindful of appropriate/inappropriate topics and boundaries, etc) and don't hyperfixate on things as much as I used to(but still have to catch myself at times).
Thing is, I still do have a flip flop mood regarding my past. I was clingy and annoying in elementary school, kinda weird and really awkward in middle school and was an awkward loner in high school. I have those moments where I still feel bad about moments where I blatantly weirded other kids out, or just thinking of how I was in general(in middle school, I preferred Legos and sword fights with younger kids). TBH, some of my traits and behaviors weren't inherently bad but due to hyperfixation tendencies an not understanding boundaries I took them too far which caused conflict or made it hard to make friends or be open to new things. Part of it is also the feeling that I'm playing catchup to everyone else. I mean, I would say now I have the social awareness that others had even in elementary/middle school and its frustrating thinking how difficult talking to people and connecting with others back then and thinking now ''this is what others had from the get go.'' This sense of self conscious on fairly recently being a ''normal'' person and thinking I'll never be truly on the same level of others given my past experiences an traits.
I don't want to focus on that previous stuff so much since I know that can actually lead to the negative outcomes I was afraid of. I don't feel too bad about not having a Hollywood high school experience since I don't really care for alcohol, parties or crazy drama(and HS in general is romanticized too much) but still wish I maybe did certain activities like video game club or wrestling and got out a bit more. I do find I would still like to experience having a girlfriend, friends and do certain things, but time will tell how the rest of this year will go. Any tips?
Hi Vanguard. You are doing a great job learning about who you are & what you've gone through. I hear you, wishing you had got involved with more activities. Consider what they were and how you can get involved with the subject matter now.
it is great you have processed what happened when you were younger and are self-aware. I understand how feelings in the present can bring up thoughts of the past. Accept the thoughts and let them go.
Ex. Feelings of how you related to other kids. Realize you were doing the best you could with the knowledge you had then. If you had been taught more ways to relate, you would have related better. Accept what you feel in a moment and let go.
As far as feelings you are playing catchup, that's good! You could be unaware of your past behaviors and social skills and still behaving the same. Feeling you want to catchup is a sign of growth. You are looking towards growing.
Another thing I want to commend you is you've gained a lot of ground as far as your new communication skills and social aptitude. 20 is young and you're starting on your EMT training, moving to a new place. Very good! Congrats
If life/ thoughts/ feelings get frustrating, please reach out. You could talk to a counselor. That may be hard at this time.
You could call a warmline.
A warmline is a peer-to-peer phone line where you can talk about anything you want to. I have found them very helpful. Look up you state or/ and the ones in red- they are nationwide. Here is the list https://warmline.org/
I'm gonna try to reply and say something that a million other people wouldn't tell you and I wish someone told me this at your age. You're going to look back at 20-21 and think "Mehh I had a few issues then but honestly things were not that bad, I wish I could've done more"
There is a saying "Youth is wasted on the young"
Young people do not realize how good they have it. I'd give every penny I had to be able to go back to being your age. Being 20-21 is incredible if you can get into a space where you have stability and pathways to improvement, you got your whole life ahead of you. Building good habits now vs bad habits will really snowball, it is like a fork in the road and if you take the right one you will be handsomely rewarded.
Focus on health (physical/mental) and saving money (brings stability/options) and everything else will fall into place.
I personally think eating healthy should basically be a prerequisite if you want to put mental health issues behind you (manage them, they don't ever really go away, which is fine), it has helped me tremendously. Read up on what sugar addiction does to the brain, microbiome research if you want an overview of a few important aspects of that.
The past is the past. You can dwell on it and drive yourself nuts, or, when you start thinking about it, you can tell yourself "this is the past, I can't change it, nothing will be remedied by me making myself neurotic over it" and do something to distract yourself. If you need help with these kinds of thoughts, I'm sure there are therapists who can help you work through it.
You've chosen a great career path. Are you still living where you grew up? If not, it's unlikely you will spontaneously meet any of your old classmates or other childhood/teenage companions again, so if this remains a concern for you, look for work in areas well-away from your hometown. You'll be starting with a clean slate.
As an EMT, treating both the injury and the patient's emotional/mental condition will be your job. The first is easy. The second can be equally rewarding, if you remember that the patient is not just the illness or injury, but someone who probably didn't anticipate entering the ER and who is likely unprepared for a broken ankle, a bad cut, Covid, or whatever it might be that put them in the ER. That's where your interaction with them comes in.
Once they are stabilized, ask them what happened, and be sympathetic. If you reassure them with how long the expected recover period is likely to be, by all means let them know what to expect. They may have questions for you, such as how and why you chose to become an EMT, how long you've been working in your present location, and so on. When I was in the ER unexpectedly last summer, these were questions I asked, both for the info and to try to humanize the experience.
Or, your job may end with delivering patients to the ER, after providing first aid on the spot. A shorter interaction of this kind means you'll be focusing on the basics rather than engaging in a longer conversation with the patient (plus family or caregivers), and no doubt there are routines and forms you'll follow: name, address, phone number, insurance, etc., then noting if the patient is oriented, what their mood appears to be, and so on, all to be passed onto the ER if that's where they are headed.
It sounds as if you will do well with this occupation, and your being on the spectrum is unlikely to be an issue for you. Each day will be different in terms of who you'll be encountering and treating, but each day will be similar in terms of record keeping and documentation. Just remember that no patients are alike. Be professional, compassionate and respectful of them and others with whom you'll be working, and you should do well.
And if one of your former classmates chances to be a patient, view this as an opportunity to show them just how well you've turned out, despite what sounds like a difficult past.
Just one tip. Never allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself or worry about things you didn't have. That's the best way to sabotage your present and future peace of mind.
Just one tip. Never allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself or worry about things you didn't have. That's the best way to sabotage your present and future peace of mind.
You've chosen a great career path. Are you still living where you grew up? If not, it's unlikely you will spontaneously meet any of your old classmates or other childhood/teenage companions again, so if this remains a concern for you, look for work in areas well-away from your hometown. You'll be starting with a clean slate.
As an EMT, treating both the injury and the patient's emotional/mental condition will be your job. The first is easy. The second can be equally rewarding, if you remember that the patient is not just the illness or injury, but someone who probably didn't anticipate entering the ER and who is likely unprepared for a broken ankle, a bad cut, Covid, or whatever it might be that put them in the ER. That's where your interaction with them comes in.
Once they are stabilized, ask them what happened, and be sympathetic. If you reassure them with how long the expected recover period is likely to be, by all means let them know what to expect. They may have questions for you, such as how and why you chose to become an EMT, how long you've been working in your present location, and so on. When I was in the ER unexpectedly last summer, these were questions I asked, both for the info and to try to humanize the experience.
Or, your job may end with delivering patients to the ER, after providing first aid on the spot. A shorter interaction of this kind means you'll be focusing on the basics rather than engaging in a longer conversation with the patient (plus family or caregivers), and no doubt there are routines and forms you'll follow: name, address, phone number, insurance, etc., then noting if the patient is oriented, what their mood appears to be, and so on, all to be passed onto the ER if that's where they are headed.
It sounds as if you will do well with this occupation, and your being on the spectrum is unlikely to be an issue for you. Each day will be different in terms of who you'll be encountering and treating, but each day will be similar in terms of record keeping and documentation. Just remember that no patients are alike. Be professional, compassionate and respectful of them and others with whom you'll be working, and you should do well.
And if one of your former classmates chances to be a patient, view this as an opportunity to show them just how well you've turned out, despite what sounds like a difficult past.
Thank you, good points. I will say, I've moved several times(not military or anything). Lived in a Bay Area city when I was little, we moved to another place when I was 7 and at 11 we moved back since my dad wasn't helping my mom pay for the house. We moved back to the original city but moved again when I was 14 to our current town. I actually envied(and still envy) kids who stayed in once place for the most part since it might have been easier to have friends you grew up with. The only people from my first 18 years of life I still talk to is a 5th grade classmate I got back in touch with at 16(lost touch again before getting back in touch again last year and a girl from a church I used to go to around here. My long term desired career is to be a game warden/conservation officer so EMT is a good lead up.
Yes. Any time I have felt sorry for myself, things got worse, so I avoid it like the plague. Have learned to see all the experiences in my life as making me the person I am, so there were no good or bad experiences, just experiences that made me who I am, and where I am is where I am supposed to be. Also learned to see my situation in a positive light rather than a negative one. We all have plusses and minuses in our lives. I just accept the minuses and am grateful for the plusses. I also don't measure myself against anyone else because there are those better off and those worse off. I make the best of who I am and what I do have, don't care what others have. I have found acceptance and gratitude to be a very powerful forces in my life. Opportunities don't come often in life. When they did I didn't hold back, I did everything I could to make them work.
Hi Vanguard. You are doing a great job learning about who you are & what you've gone through. I hear you, wishing you had got involved with more activities. Consider what they were and how you can get involved with the subject matter now.
it is great you have processed what happened when you were younger and are self-aware. I understand how feelings in the present can bring up thoughts of the past. Accept the thoughts and let them go.
Ex. Feelings of how you related to other kids. Realize you were doing the best you could with the knowledge you had then. If you had been taught more ways to relate, you would have related better. Accept what you feel in a moment and let go.
As far as feelings you are playing catchup, that's good! You could be unaware of your past behaviors and social skills and still behaving the same. Feeling you want to catchup is a sign of growth. You are looking towards growing.
Another thing I want to commend you is you've gained a lot of ground as far as your new communication skills and social aptitude. 20 is young and you're starting on your EMT training, moving to a new place. Very good! Congrats
If life/ thoughts/ feelings get frustrating, please reach out. You could talk to a counselor. That may be hard at this time.
You could call a warmline.
A warmline is a peer-to-peer phone line where you can talk about anything you want to. I have found them very helpful. Look up you state or/ and the ones in red- they are nationwide. Here is the list https://warmline.org/
Be patient with yourself and keep the good work.
Thanks, you make good points and I know I've come far even if where I am now has been normal for most others.
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