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My father died on July 3, leaving my 87 year old mom a widow after 67 years of marriage.
Depression under these circumstances is understandable, but since I am her only true family, and she is naturally a loner, this makes it worse.
The virus keeps possible visitors away, and she is also stuck at home as result.
She has lost both the confidence , and the will to do simple tasks. She must force herself to eat, and if I was not around to monitor her, I am afraid she would starve to death.
Neither her nor I even own a smartphone, and she is unwilling to experiment with better learning her i pad.
She just wants to sit and do nothing.
Her doctor prescribed benziprone three weeks ago, but it has not helped. Due to her age, the dose is reduced.
I am considering getting her part time caregiving when I need to go back to work, but this is quite expensive, and she is extremely afraid of folks possibly coming in with the virus.
Has anyone had any success with any medications for the elderly, or success with herbal supplements?
I am very concerned, since her will to live does not exist.
IMHO you need to relay all this to her doctor. Medication can offer some relief of depression but it isn't the only thing that does and it doesn't usually help all on its own. Consider a medication one leg of the solution. If one med doesn't seem to be helping there are others. Probably more importantly, her doctor could also connect her to some short term grief counseling that teaches ways to cope and manage. She may find it easier to express herself with a neutral professional instead of an emotionally-involved relative. If her current doctor doesn't seem to be listening, find someone else. Look in to local grief counseling resources for yourself and educate yourself about it. Her doctor probably knows how to arrange wellness checks through local senior services agencies. There may be ways for her to engage with others (a sort of virtual daycare?) through a laptop/desktop connection you could set up for her. Might be easier to manipulate than the ipad.
I'd also suggest posting this on the Caregiving subforum. Many of the posters there have dealt with very similar situations and may have more advice for you.
Last edited by Parnassia; 08-11-2020 at 05:08 PM..
My father died on July 3, leaving my 87 year old mom a widow after 67 years of marriage.
Depression under these circumstances is understandable, but since I am her only true family, and she is naturally a loner, this makes it worse.
The virus keeps possible visitors away, and she is also stuck at home as result.
She has lost both the confidence , and the will to do simple tasks. She must force herself to eat, and if I was not around to monitor her, I am afraid she would starve to death.
It has only been a little over five weeks. She had been with her husband for over 67 years. 67 years! I am sure she is suffering from a broken heart. How does one heal a broken heart? Part of her needs to mourn. I don't think pumping her with medication is a good thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia
...Probably more importantly, her doctor could also connect her to some short term grief counseling that teaches ways to cope and manage. She may find it easier to express herself with a neutral professional instead of an emotionally-involved relative. If her current doctor doesn't seem to be listening, find someone else. Look in to local grief counseling resources for yourself and educate yourself about it. Her doctor probably knows how to arrange wellness checks through local senior services agencies. There may be ways for her to engage with others (a sort of virtual daycare?) through a laptop/desktop connection you could set up for her. Might be easier to manipulate than the ipad.
I'd also suggest posting this on the Caregiving subforum. Many of the posters there have dealt with very similar situations and may have more advice for you.
I agree that it's way too soon for her to, well, feel happy.
Have you ever talked about your dad to her? A sort of remember when? I'm not suggesting she start living in the past but at 5 weeks I doubt that'd be an issue.
Part of her isolation might be due to nobody even acknowledging the love of most of her life existed. a feeling that she's the only one who loved him. Share.
This is probably not a popular opinion, but why should she have a will to live at her age? Lots of people pass on after their spouses - and she is super old. Sorry if that is not the answer you want. Drugs aren't going to lessen her grief or make her happy.
If I were you, though, I would find lots of ways to make life more enjoyable - based on her personality and preferences.
I am 87,married 65 years,for me my daughter has taken over out side the house.
She took my wife in very early AM to hospital for elective surgery,I can say a very lonely feeling in an empty home,we are the type joined at the hip.
So I can tell you it is not depression this is emptyness.My wife suffers dementia,100 percent short term memory loss.She suffers some depression,crying very occasionly, but not severe,I do not like pills.
So I can tell you it is not depression this is emptyness.My wife suffers dementia,100 percent short term memory loss.She suffers some depression,crying very occasionly, but not severe,I do not like pills.
I read an article in a medical journal just days ago about interactive robotic cats (or puppies/dogs) for seniors. They are called Joy for All. Apparently they turn seniors around in their loneliness and it has been confirmed over and over. I read the reviews on Amazon and it about brought me to tears. You might want to check this out and read the reviews as well as see the posted videos. The cats are fluffy, lifelike, purr, blink their eyes and have a pitifully fake meow. But even though the seniors know in most cases they are not real, they seem to become very attached to these animals.
She is still dealing with depression after my father died a few years ago. They were "tied at the hip" for many good decades of marriage that included a great family life, lots of travel, wonderful experiences and good times, along with the typical life problems along the way of course. My father died in his 80s after a few difficult years at the end suffering from Alzheimer's. No doubt there is no magic remedy for dealing with these sorts of hardships. My mother is also not like lots of people who seem better able to rationalize what is best to do all considered. She leans toward the more emotional end of the spectrum and seems resigned to the sad state of affairs that can't be changed...
After having to give up her big beautiful home on a good chunk of land where she could do her garden and feed the chickens, we kids moved her closer to one of her daughters where she first lived in a senior citizen facility. She simply couldn't manage her own home safely anymore, but of course the senior citizen facility depressed her all the more, so we moved her to her own little apartment, still close by my sister. Always lets us know she can't feel it's a home though. It's just a place to mark time.
Drugs for depression prescribed by the doctor seem to work a bit but not really. I look at where my mother is today and it makes me think about how I will manage similar challenge(s) when my time comes, and more than anything it seems that doing the best I can is more for the sake of others than myself. Where or how I might find motivation to get up in the morning anyway. I'll do what I can to avoid bringing my family down, but that's a whole lot easier said than done I think.
Meanwhile it all just seems to be a matter of doing what we can one day at a time as best we can...
No doubt it was better for the elderly when we all lived close together in a small village where extended family all shared the same space, supporting one another by taking care of the kids, cooking and putting food on the table, helping the elderly who couldn't help themselves anymore. No one lonely, but those days are gone. Now it's not only the elderly that need all sorts of help, but their family member care-givers too.
As I scan some of the titles in this forum, I'm thinking maybe doing so isn't the best for one's spirits either...
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