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I don't know where to start about this but here goes. I'm 19 years old and just realized I'm suffering from something called OS (Objectum Sexuality).
In 9th grade, I got into a fight with my best friend because he said he was going to spray paint a cobblestone wall. It happened to be a very nice wall and I didn't want it to be violated, so I was suspended for the fight.
I have very little cheap furniture around me. All of these things are revered by me and I do talk to them when no one's around. Even now as I'm typing this I feel like my desk knows what I'm doing and is upset with me for confessing this online.
I've had several intimate relations with my pillow from childhood, my cashmere scarf, my first polyester shirt, and my newest black jeans. Last week I spent $400 on a nylon jacket and I'm afraid to put it in the closet - it's hanging on my wall above the television so I can always look at it.
When my grandpa died I couldn't sleep all night because he stained a really expensive carpet that I wanted in the process.
Nothing in my room is in disarray. Everything has a special place. Many clothes I hang on the wall, and my electronics are adorned with special fabrics to make them prettier. Whenever something spills on the granite countertop I frantically clean it up and apologize to it.
I feel sick to my stomach about how much this occupies my life. I've had 13 jobs because I can't hold one down. When I see something being handled roughly, abused, or otherwise neglected, my mood changes rapidly. It makes me not want to leave the house at all.
I have no friends anymore because I have no connection to them. All the things that separate us are far more interesting. I remember stealing from a few of them.
My sex life is quite unnatural since I have no friends. I've tried viewing porn but some of the staging seems so dingy and dirty that I can't become aroused unless it's filmed in a lucrative, expensive place. If too much stuff gets covered in body fluids, I stop watching and take a cold shower.
Now, I know this might sound totally ridiculous to you, but I don't know what to do or where to turn, and I ask that you don't ridicule me for this. We all have problems. I'm afraid to tell my parents because they just won't take it seriously.
Every day I have to relive this nightmare: a cycle of obsession and routine that completely alienates me from sentient beings. I'm just not happy at all with my life.
FJSDL:Kjfasl;kdjf;i;mvxkl;cja;ldfu UGHHHHHH I hate this
Is there any special program available to people suffering the way I am? At this point it'd be nice to at least have someone to relate to or just talk to about it. The future is looking grim right now.
This is just another form of addiction. You are addicted to (instead of alcohol, drugs, sex) things and objects. All forms of addiction have a 12 step program that applies to what you are going thru. Shop for a good therapist or join an addiction group that will accept you.
Addiction is being overly dependent on something for your sense of well-being. Without it, you cannot function normally and you are immediately unhappy. This goes for relationships, drugs, behaviors, alcohol, work, food, you name it, you can be addicted to it.
To be healthy and happy, one is dependent only on adequate amounts of food, water, clothing (for protection and warmth), and shelter, plus having a balance of everything else which is desirable but not necessary for your happiness. Anything beyond the basics of food and water, is about wants and not needs. And anything in excessive amounts contributes to imbalance and dysfunction.
Remember, it's not WHAT you are addicted to that sets you apart from other addictions, it's that you ARE addicted to this behavior and those objects -- which is what you have in common with ALL FORMS OF ADDICTION.
Thanks for the helpful responses. aqua0, my only concern is that I can't simply eliminate items from my life in the way that alcoholics and drug addicts can remove their vices. Items don't simply go away and I always assign hierarchical values to them.
Again, thanks. I just want to be normal like everyone else and move on in my life before this progresses into something much worse.
I'm sorry but from my own experience, there is no quick fixes to such things, except for drugs but drugs just mask your problem and keep you drugged, giving you undesirable side effects.
I understand how you feel exactly as I have a serious aversion to noise. I can't even go in a movie theatre. Noise makes my body shudder and shake and nerves on fire. Then fatigue sets in and I have to sleep for hours to recover. It has seriously altered my life. It was all due to a very traumatic event.
Aversion is the opposite form of addiction and it is JUST AS BAD because sound and noise are everywhere around me constantly: cars, people, children, dogs barking, stereos, tv's, dishes clanging, etc etc. Aversion is phobia, and is in a way an addiction because I am addicted to the opposite of noise which is silence.
So I totally empathize. I wanted a quick fix myself but didn't get any. It was terribly frustrating. But since it began last year, I have improved even tho' it took a long time and was very hard. In the beginning I couldn't even drive my own car because the cars going by were too loud! Now I can. I went thru a slew of therapists and eventually came up with my own method. If you are willing, read on:
I encourage you to try out therapists firsts. But if they don't work, you can do what I did which is to change my mind. Why? Because it is your MIND that is doing all this to you. Not the objects. All things in our lives are NEUTRAL. They are just there. We view them a certain way that can be damaging toward ourselves, so we have to CHANGE OUR VIEWPOINT.
1. Think of something that makes you feel neutral, neither interested nor repulsed. (Example, clouds.)Practice meditation, which is just a way of monitoring your mind, to the point where you feel as neutral about your things as you feel about clouds. This you must do daily for as long as you need to. You will see improvement.
2. Practice being neutral about people or things that make you repulsed. This gets rid of any aversions and brings other things into the level of neutrality.
3. Doing this every day until you are cured. That is, you think of your objects and people neutrally. This would be the first major step toward normalizing your mind.
I will be teaching a class in my area on "How to Practice Non-Attachment" and this is some of the stuff I'll be sharing. Nobody was able to help me with my specific issue. So I had to come up with it on my own.
Remember, it's about mind over matter, not matter over mind. Do not allow physical things including people and behaviors dictate your well-being. This takes tremendous will, dedication, perseverance, and determination. It will take time and effort, more than you will ever imagine. This is not for the impatient. It's for the believer! In doing this do not let setbacks (which will occur) upset you or discourage you. Your MIND got you to this place. Your MIND can get you back.
aqua0, that was very insightful and inspiring. I can't fully comment now because I need to sleep, but I will try to take a small step forward tomorrow.
I was referring to items as "it" in previous posts, but in reality I have names for everything. The names can only be of the same first letter (i.e. carpet is named Casey, etc). I'm going to try to stop speaking aloud to everything and stop using names.
I'd be very interested in any kind of workshop at this point. Becoming a criminal as a result of this madness is not an option.
How could your parents not notice that something is wrong? Don't you live with them anymore?
I hide it pretty well and lock my room door when I'm not inside. They're usually too busy working anyway...
aqua, when did you realize you wanted to change and how long did it take you to recover?
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