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I'm wondering if years of living with my alchoholic husband my stress has finally reared the ugly head. It seems ironic just as he appears to be sober and happy with a great support group. I am feeling some progress but things keep flashing back and I am sort of coming out of my fog and realizing how bad it was in fact the stories I could tell whould shock most people The loss of my father was hard and then my husband got drunk and just when I needed him he called me a fu*** cu*** and passed out for two days. I want to move on since he is clean and sober and I am in a position to know this after all this time How can I get over that and help forget the troubled past and move on. We had lots of wonderful times, but, alchohol brought on a lot of trouble in fact more trouble than I can even remember or he can remember because we was blacked out so much
Have you gotten any therapy yet for yourself?? Honey.. please don't wait. And I mean a real professional (psychologist)... preferably one who knows about addiction issues and PTSD.
Yes it's ironic that you're ready to leave just as he's getting sober, after all this time.. but it's also normal and totally understandable... because for years (I'm assuming here..) you have been holding it together by a thread trying to survive. When someone is sick, you kind of put your own life on hold, without even realizing it (especially women I think). And the trauma of dealing with a drunk makes you numb-- in order to survive. Now that he is OK, you can finally relax, breathe again, stop focusing on him; and all of a sudden, all this anger, sadness, fed-up-ness and everything else has come gushing out. And it may feel like there's no end to it for a long, long time. That's because you suppressed all that stuff for so long. Like you were holding your finger in a wall.. keeping the flood back, and now you took your finger out. Don't feel guilty about it. Time to focus on yourself.... life is too short, and if he is taking care of himself now, then he'll be fine (or, not-- but that is his problem now).
So it really depends on how you feel about him. If you think there is still mutual love there then maybe you are both due for some intensive counseling (together) to work through all the crap. Or if you have just had enough, then maybe it's time to move on. Oftentimes people stay together and you think it's love.. but it has turned into (mostly) co-dependency. Or staying with someone with these problems fulfills some subconscious need for you... and when they start to get well,, then you don't need it anymore (strange as that sounds).
But it's time to come all the way out of the fog-- and get your life back! Good luck!
Last edited by opalminor; 02-07-2010 at 10:11 PM..
I'm wondering if years of living with my alchoholic husband my stress has finally reared the ugly head. It seems ironic just as he appears to be sober and happy with a great support group. I am feeling some progress but things keep flashing back and I am sort of coming out of my fog and realizing how bad it was in fact the stories I could tell whould shock most people The loss of my father was hard and then my husband got drunk and just when I needed him he called me a fu*** cu*** and passed out for two days. I want to move on since he is clean and sober and I am in a position to know this after all this time How can I get over that and help forget the troubled past and move on. We had lots of wonderful times, but, alchohol brought on a lot of trouble in fact more trouble than I can even remember or he can remember because we was blacked out so much
I would suggest therapy and to start going to meetings for co-dependents ASAP. There is no reason to do it the hard way (alone.)
I'm wondering if years of living with my alchoholic husband my stress has finally reared the ugly head. It seems ironic just as he appears to be sober and happy with a great support group. I am feeling some progress but things keep flashing back and I am sort of coming out of my fog and realizing how bad it was in fact the stories I could tell whould shock most people The loss of my father was hard and then my husband got drunk and just when I needed him he called me a fu*** cu*** and passed out for two days. I want to move on since he is clean and sober and I am in a position to know this after all this time How can I get over that and help forget the troubled past and move on. We had lots of wonderful times, but, alchohol brought on a lot of trouble in fact more trouble than I can even remember or he can remember because we was blacked out so much
Your stories wouldn't shock me or most of the other people who have lived with alcoholics. When I first went to an Al-Anon meeting, what was the most amazing thing was that everyone was talking about a person who was exactly like my husband only with a different name.
As strange as this sounds, you may have difficulty living with a sober person. You KNOW how to live with a drunk.
Al-anon and therapy are both good suggestions. Also, here is a website that has forums; as a matter of fact, it looks a lot like this one. There is a specific forum for friends and family members and a lot of information.
Those flashbacks you are having are some deep memories that are going to surface, and it may take a long time to deal with them. It's time to take care of you, dear. I wish you the best.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 02-08-2010 at 06:44 PM..
Reason: added last sentences
As strange as this sounds, you may have difficulty living with a sober person. You KNOW how to live with a drunk.
Often, when the drunk becomes sober, the couple split up soon after.
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The loss of my father was hard and then my husband got drunk and just when I needed him he called me a fu*** cu*** and passed out for two days. I want to move on since he is clean and sober and I am in a position to know this after all this time
How can I get over that and help forget the troubled past and move on. We had lots of wonderful times, but, alchohol brought on a lot of trouble in fact more trouble than I can even remember or he can remember because we was blacked out so much
