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I am Non US Spouse that is living outside United States and my Husband is US Military Service Member that is stationed in Quantico VA. My Husband and I were together since 2010. We met in Japan( he was stationed in iwakuni for 2 years) and decided to have a long engagement before marrying since i cannot quit my job easily and he was on deployment that time. and then after 3 years of engagement we decided to get married in my country( Philippines ). So after the wedding he went home in the US and after 6 months he was out for deployment again and i stayed here in PI. So, when he got back that is when he acts rude towards me ( this was around August ) like he doesnt want me to ask where he's been, no phone calls, always says that he doesnt have the money ( because i was begging him to come over and visit me ) and i started to think where did his money go?he sends me enough to pay my bills and i am i debt with some of my utility bills but i did not told him because i dont want him to worry about me here. and then months passed he was PCSing to VA and my problems with him went bad to worst before we always talk because for me that is the only way to keep our marriage alive since he is not planning to visit me anytime soon, the intimacy was gone , he always have excuses, and he always go outside when he answer my call and sometimes he doesnt even bother to call back at all.I So i started to wonder, and there is this one time that i was begging, crying , getting hysterical with him because i was asking for his mailing address and needed him to know that i have this condition that needs medical attention and i was crying and very angry at the same time because he couldnt answer my call because "he was sewing his uniform for his check in to his new unit" and i stopped calling then the next day i asked for his mailing address and told me "dont panic youre not gonna die soon right?" when he told me that I couldnt believe that he tell things like that to his wife that needs medical attention. And because I am not familiar with wife's entitlements, I did not know that i should have a military dependent ID or Deers ID and it is almost 2 year since i discovered that fact. so i started to question him, interrogate his whereabouts but when i start to ask about his financial matters he starts to flare up and we have been fighting for the longest time now. I dont have anything that states that i have the rights to get those benefits but all i have is his SSN number and thats it nothing more nothing less. and he told me that he was getting BAH and he sends me like 800$-900$ a month, but when i spoke to a personel from the MCB quantico he said that he wont rate for BAH but he is insisting to me that he really was getting BAH since i was registered to IPAC, and then i tried applying for a tour visa and i need his financial statement (LES) he always have excuses , so i started to get deppressed, angry, and everything. I Dont know what to do with him anymore. please I need help or advice before i get crazy. its 8:04 pm in VA and no phone calls since yesterday.i texted him but he only reads it because he says "no phone signal anywhere on base" and he cant provide me his units address or work address. and i felt disrespected because the 1 address he gave me and told me his work address was a family counselling building in quantico
Last edited by oneconfusedwife; 11-04-2014 at 06:21 PM..
What is your question? What do you need help from this site? It appears that he is married on paper to get the benefits for him and sends you some of that difference. Are you wanting to mend your relationship? Get medical treatment from a US hospital? Get more money? Get him in trouble for ignoring you? You provided dozens of excuses that he has provided on why he doesn't want to visit or talk.
There seems to be a monetary benefit for him to marry: more money in his pocket and possibly larger quarters/apartment on base/post depending on his rank, possibly all still better financially than getting a divorce.
It looks to me like he has no interest to continue this marriage. This does not excuse him from his obligation regardless how he feels about the marriage at this point.
Yes you do have the right to medical treatment and you should have an ID card but without paperwork this will be hard. One would assume that your dear husband has started a visa for you to come to the U.S. right after you married?
Your best option might be either to get an attorney and/or try to get to the nearest US military installation and visit their legal office, but again, without a military ID this might be difficult.
Do you have the marriage certificate? I promise there is cell coverage in Virginia even on base. Did you find him on Facebook? You could get a lot of the info you need on there if he doesn't have it set to private.
It sounds like he is not committed to you or willing to work on the marriage. I agree with the above posters. What do you want?
If you want an ID and medical treatment, and you are legally married, you are ENTITLED to that. Since you don't know his unit, it's probably too hard to contact his first sergeant (someone who could help). You can try contacting the base legal office or command center to find out who his leadership is. There is a military regulation that states you MUST care for and provide care for your spouse. Someone (it was in the news) just got arrested because their spouse was homeless. You are entitled to medical care and an ID card, I'm just not sure who to call since you don't know his unit.
He is required to provide for you financially, and it sounds like he is basically doing that.
He's not required to respect you, or be a good husband. He can get in a ton of trouble for adultery, but that's hard to prove.
She has his SS# so he can be found. If she has that and proof of marriage just contact his last duty station and go from there. Take a wife and take the responsibility.
At some point he's going to have to deal with the situation.
Thank you for all the response, I will try to call the base operator and try to locate him. since i have his ssn # maybe they will believe that i am his wife.
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