Visitors to Nashville need to know our driving rules... :) (Memphis: home, construction)

[TNNative]

A "joke" email (that holds SOME essence of truth) that I got a while back. Of course this is dated, and may need amendments...so if you've familiar with Nashville driving feel free to add your own quip...

Visitors Guide to Nashville


1. Before entering the city limits, you must write a 500-word essay on why Nashville is superior to Memphis.

2 Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Nashville has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Nashville. They all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Get on Old Hickory Blvd."... which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

7. Demonbreun can only be pronounced by a native.

8. Construction on I-40/65/24 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Antioch!!"

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

11. Whenever the word "Boner" is mentioned, people laugh, then knowingly cry uncontrollably.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on I-65 North between the Kentucky State Line and Trinity Lane is 115. Anything less is considered downright sissy!

13. The wrought iron on windows in south Nashville isn't ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 75 in a 55 mph zone...people are NOT waving when they go by.

16. I-40 east is our daily version of NASCAR...with a perpetual caution flag.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. If it's minus 10 degrees, sleeting/snowing, and the River Styx is frozen over, Vanderbilt just won the SEC championship in a sport other than women's lacrosse.

19. East Nashville is actually north of town, but you don't want to go there anyway.

20. Anyone within 20 miles of Nashville on the day of a Titans home game, is certifiably crazy.

21. Regardless of what you've been told...our road salt is NOT seasoning.

[alleycat]

Yes, either don't even bother with turn signals, or leave one on permanently as you drive down the highway. Either way is fine, but not both.

[emmyp]

They need to add something about Briley Parkway!

LOVE IT!!

[akm4]

....and the Music Row roundabout. You know, home of the hillybilly porn.