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Hello everyone.
I have recently moved to Brooklyn from Japan, and will be here for a few years. It has been about 6wks since I moved, and/but I have no friends yet.
My co-worker (he is from the Bronx) told me that as a single female living alone, I need to be careful who I become friends with. Ever since he had told me that, my excitement to start a new life here had gotten weaker, I think I have been overly cautious, and I dont know how to lower my guard!
For example, My neighbors seem to be a super nice people, they have traveled to Japan, and they are interested in becoming friends with me, but in my head I am telling myself "you dont know them like that,,, what if they do this and that" etc,,,, I end up avoiding to talk to them.
There were 2guys who kindly came to talk to me in the gym. It made me happy, or it was the first time I finally smiled talking to someone after a month of coming to the US. Then when they asked me out for lunch/dinner, I got scared. Like,,only two of us in the car? Maybe he is gonna find out where I live and,,,
It is ridiclous to just believe in what my coworker said, but to back up his words, I have met more rude/mean people than good (the culture is very different from Japan of course), and this is why I kind of believe what he says.
How do you all meet new people and get to know each other? are you really careful when you meet someone new? Is this a NY thing? or am I overly concerned?
You need a group of girlfriends you can trust to go out and do things with. You can find those at work or school and sometimes in neighbors. People you see regularly on a day to day basis anyways.
Definitely second the suggestion about meetup.com. There are lots of people who are interested in Japanese culture, language exchange etc. As for being careful - fine - but everything in life has some element of risk. Life is too short to lock yourself up in a room. New York o tanoshinde, ne.
For a female, I think your friend is telling you to be on the safe side, and I think is a good idea. NYC has way too many people, and you simply can't trust most of them in general (that's just my opinion). Don't try to make friend with everyone because sooner or later you may regret some of the friend you make. Take your time on making friend. One step at a time, just like how baby learn how to walk one step at a time. There's no rule as to how you make friend, but in the past I found it easy to make friend by constantly seeing that person around. The person could be at a place where I always get my breakfast or the park where I always go and exercise. Usually it starts with a conversation.
You mentioned being scared to go on a date because it would only be 2 people in the car, and he can find out where you live.. that's really not an issue in NYC, once you learn your way around public transportation. Or hell, you can even just Uber it wherever you need to go.
Going on a date in NYC, you can just agree to meet somewhere, each getting there on your own. That way, you're always free to leave if you ever feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Obviously, you should never tell anyone where you live until you're comfortable with that person, but you know that already.
Just generally though, you DO need to be cautious, but not overly so. You'll find the balance in time.
I too think the OP can talk with her neighbors as well as people at her local gym. But I would not go with them alone until she has met up with them a few times.
One can take classes or join local social or volunteer groups to meet new people that one can socialize with.
Just get out there and meet people. Living your life scared is no way to do it. Maybe it's just culture shock?
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