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Although this thread appears to be going rather off topic, your complaint is that your relationship with your brother is suffering and you're about to "blow a gasket" simply because you don't agree with how he handles his financial affairs. Simple - next time he brings up the subject of his dire straits, just say, "Oh, dear, that's a shame" and change the subject. It can only affect you so strongly if you allow it to. He's apparently not asking you for a bailout or any sort of financial assistance so let it go. Good luck!
That's probably the best advice. He's going to get by with whatever he can get by with - and at the very least if he doesn't manage to get the government ie taxpayers buying him the house, he gets to live in a house he isn't paying for rent-free for as long as he can.
Just never give him money or if he somehow does end up evicted in some future year, don't let him move in and mooch off you.
okay but the problem is that he is always coming to me and complaining how he/they don't have any money (yesterday he bitched that he can't afford to get some dental work done b/c it would cost 600 dollars)
and i know that they are saving 3k a month
so i am basically asking how am i supposed to deal with this without blowing a gasket
why is he doing this? why would someone complain about being broke when CLEARLY they are not????
He is a spoiled brat, perpetual victim and attention ho? Most every family's got at least one.
I can't blame you for finding it tedious and annoying. But unless he's asking you for money, all he's doing is grousing.
If you don't want to hear it, then speak up. "Yo, bro, I love you and all, but you make 100K a year and you're not paying your mortgage. A lot of people get by on a lot less than that and still manage to pay their bills. So I really don't want to hear it."
And from that point forward, when he talks about money, say, "So how 'bout those Jets?"
my brother, him and his wife make about 100k a year. they are underwater in their mortgage about 200 grand. so of course they have joined the rest of immoral society and stopped paying their mortgage (they say they are putting all of it in the bank). i admit that i dream about what it would be like to live rent-free and save all that money for 1-3 years. however, what really pisses me off is that my brother is always crying to me about how "broke" they are, how they don't have money to pay for their kids' school projects, for their car repairs, for any vacations.
this is infuriating. how could they NOT have the money for this???? THEY ARE SAVING 3,000 DOLLARS A MONTH!!!!!
Vacations? LOL
Well I don't know how you did not laugh right out loud at that one.
Oh the strife of american life. LOL
Anyway, my guess is that they are being eaten alive by revolving debt or someone has a spending problem. I don't know how many kids there are but those little buggers are expensive.
I too am annoyed at this type of lifestyle. I probably would say to my brother: "get a real problem" Which would totally tick him off and after his ranting was done I would point out that vacation crap.
I would also suggest that he takes a trip to a financial counselor or use any of the standard formulas to figure out what you SHOULD be spending on what with what you make. (a budget)
One thing I personally noticed though after these new banking and credit card law changes went through recently the payment amounts have jumped to make up for the lost profit on fees etc.
If they have a crap load of credit cards that have had the minimum payment jump I could see where that money is going. But it should be going there anyway so he can rectify his ratios.
Don't be annoyed. I know its hard. But just give him some options. He is either going to take them up and improve his life; or get annoyed that you tell him what to do so he will stop complaining about it to you.
okay but the problem is that he is always coming to me and complaining how he/they don't have any money (yesterday he bitched that he can't afford to get some dental work done b/c it would cost 600 dollars)
and i know that they are saving 3k a month
so i am basically asking how am i supposed to deal with this without blowing a gasket
why is he doing this? why would someone complain about being broke when CLEARLY they are not????
Dude, it's YOUR gasket but still, your brother's business and by what logic are you "supposed" to deal with your brother's problems?
You need to understand the wisdom behind, "live and LET live"! So, let me ask YOU a question: Why are you out here complaining about your brother when your brother is clearly, NO PART of our lives?
my brother, him and his wife make about 100k a year. they are underwater in their mortgage about 200 grand. so of course they have joined the rest of immoral society and stopped paying their mortgage (they say they are putting all of it in the bank). i admit that i dream about what it would be like to live rent-free and save all that money for 1-3 years. however, what really pisses me off is that my brother is always crying to me about how "broke" they are, how they don't have money to pay for their kids' school projects, for their car repairs, for any vacations.
this is infuriating. how could they NOT have the money for this???? THEY ARE SAVING 3,000 DOLLARS A MONTH!!!!!
What he is doing isn't immoral. It's actually part of the contract that he can choose to default for any reason....and he will lose his house and trash his credit in the process.
As for his whining irritating you <shrug> tell him it will just get worse when he has to pay rent at his next place.
What he is doing isn't immoral. It's actually part of the contract that he can choose to default for any reason....and he will lose his house and trash his credit in the process.
As for his whining irritating you <shrug> tell him it will just get worse when he has to pay rent at his next place.
It is immoral. Just because that clause is written into the contract doesn't make it morally acceptable to simply stop paying. Especially since they can well afford it and are stashing the money. They just don't like the fact that they bought something they couldn't afford at the wrong time.
Family members should not be talking about their personal finances anyway, along with politics or religion.
okay but the problem is that he is always coming to me and complaining how he/they don't have any money (yesterday he bitched that he can't afford to get some dental work done b/c it would cost 600 dollars)
and i know that they are saving 3k a month
so i am basically asking how am i supposed to deal with this without blowing a gasket
why is he doing this? why would someone complain about being broke when CLEARLY they are not????
Why do you even have to think about dealing with it? Are you your brothers keeper? Is what he does affect you other than making you think he is a looser? Take care of yourself, he's your brother, you are not responsible for him or his bills. In fact, unless you are supporting him, his bills are none of your business. If you help him or even listen to him you will be drug into this mess, if that hasn't happened already, don't let it happen. Somehow, I don't think you are going to listen to anyone's advice...
It's all part of the Obama "stimulus" which is billions of dollars in new debt which will be paid in the future by taxpayers. It's not government money per se, it's new government debt being used to bailout those who don't pay their mortgages.
The rest of us live in humbler homes that we could afford - knowing that no one was ever forcing us to sign for a big loan we couldn't afford just to impress our friends and families with a big expensive house.
So we'll end up not only buying our homes, but the impressive expensive houses for those who couldn't afford what they wanted.
Why wait for foreclosure? Sell the unaffordable house and get something a little more modest that you can afford. Why? Because these people know the government will rescue them. And of course what would their friends and families think if they lived in a simpler house?
Oh please. Save the right-wing talking points for the politics forum. If you think it's just the irresponsible people who are underwater, think again. There are a lot of people out there who bought homes they could afford and continue making payments on. But the value of those homes have dropped so much that they're now underwater. You tell people to sell their home as if that's so easy. Maybe you've been living in a cave if you haven't noticed how hard it is to sell any house these days or get a loan if you want to buy one. As MontanaGuy correctly pointed out, the bailouts are going to the banks, not homeowners. And tamajane, there's nothing immoral in not paying your mortgage. If someone owed me money and couldn't pay it back, I wouldn't look at them as immoral. But I wouldn't trust them again either. There's a big difference between being a deadbeat and immoral.
Family members will always disagree with each other on how to manage money. Your brother sees no shame in what he is doing and doesn't see anything wrong with bending your ear about it. If he should hit you up for money, just start laughing and tell him to get real. If he just wants to complain, take Avienne's advice above and just lay it out for him. He is your brother, why hold back?
My SIL and her husband bought a sensible home in 93 and then when property values skyrocketed in 06, refinanced and took all the money and spent it (motorcycles, a horse, house remodel, etc). Now they are totally upside-down on their home, the husband was out of work for a year, and they are facing foreclosure. They've been bailed out 100 times by family but it is never enough. The second they get money to pay their mortgage, it goes to something else (i.e. the latest Call of Duty, their DVR/cable bill, horse/riding supplies, cigarettes, etc). A few weeks ago she called my husband to say they'd planned to take the kids out of town for the weekend but when she went to put gas in the car, her debit card was declined. My husband said, "and your point is? what do you want me to do about it?" Her response was, "you just don't want me to be happy" and she hung up.
It doesn't matter what you say or do, he'll never get it.
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i am angry at my non-mortgage paying brother
