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I agree. My friends and family only want what's best for me and aren't going to b.s. me about it.
I would be a fool to ignore what they had to say. I am not saying they would make the decision for me (and unfortunately, I have ignored them enough times), but this is the most important decision you will ever make...you ask your buddies about your shoes or your car or your job or where to bank. Why wouldn't you ask them about who to marry?
Under normal circumstances, I would agree 100%. However, family and friends may not (and some in fact do not) have our best interests at heart. For example, what happens if you have the kind of parent or friend who *knows* that a romantic interest is totally right for you, and yet they try as much as possible to discourage you and repeatedly attack the romantic interest with unjust cause, because the reality is that they don't *want* you to be happy, or in a positive relationship?
I know it sounds kind of counter-intuitive, especially for a parent...in theory, parents are not expected to be like that. But I can assure you, once you actually see your parent treating you in that kind of cruel, harsh, and hateful (perhaps even verbally-abusive) manner, you're going to take what they say with a grain of salt, and completely disregard their hurtful and hateful venom. Been there and done that...
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 11-09-2011 at 10:58 AM..
Reason: Corrected typo
Before I married my first wife, people were telling me how bad she was. I didn't listen. I wish I had.
Before I married my second wife, people were concerned then, too. I didn't listen. I am glad I didn't listen because it's been the most amazing marriage ever, and those who told me not to marry her have all since apologized.
My wife's sister was going to marry a guy, so we told her not to. She did anyway. Now she is miserable and says she wishes she would have listened. I even shared with her the story of my first marriage and she flat out said, "Wow. You were an idiot. I would never do that." Ooops.
Under normal circumstances, I would agree 100%. However, family and friends may not (and some in fact do not) have our best interests at heart. For example, what happens if you have the kind of parent or friend who *knows* that a romantic interest is totally right for you, and yet they try as much as possible to discourage you and repteadely attack the romantic interest with unjust cause, because the reality is that they don't *want* you to be happy, or in a positive relationship?
I know it sounds kind of counter-intuitive, especially for a parent...in theory, parents are not expected to be like that. But I can assure you, once you actually see your parent treating you in that kind of cruel, harsh, and hateful (perhaps even verbally-abusive) manner, you're going to take what they say with a grain of salt, and completely disregard their hurtful and hateful venom. Been there and done that...
Well, yeah...this is assuming you don't live in a den of dysfunction and that all parties involved are normal, loving individuals.
Otherwise, all bets are off and why would you even associate with these people now that you are an adult and on your own?
Well, yeah...this is assuming you don't live in a den of dysfunction and that all parties involved are normal, loving individuals.
Otherwise, all bets are off and why would you even associate with these people now that you are an adult and on your own?
Very long story...the short version is, my parent/family is almost wholly financially dependent on me, but rather than be happy or grateful for the financial assistance I provide them with, they are resentful, bitter, and angry.
No influence whats so ever. My family is very open minded, but I have dated woman before that they would not have approved of. So it's best they stay out of my personal life.
No, but I also wouldn't fault them for calling me a moron if I married someone who exhibited signs of trouble long before we got married either. That seems to happen quite a bit, and a lot of friends and family are too polite to say anything about it--except to each other. I'm sure there are a long line of people who wish that someone had interfered, before they committed themselves to years, maybe decades, of misery.
Before I married my first wife, people were telling me how bad she was. I didn't listen. I wish I had.
Before I married my second wife, people were concerned then, too. I didn't listen. I am glad I didn't listen because it's been the most amazing marriage ever, and those who told me not to marry her have all since apologized.
My wife's sister was going to marry a guy, so we told her not to. She did anyway. Now she is miserable and says she wishes she would have listened. I even shared with her the story of my first marriage and she flat out said, "Wow. You were an idiot. I would never do that." Ooops.
My old boss tried to talk me out of marrying my first husband..told me if I was his daughter, he wouldn't allow me to marry that man...I was 25 at the time...what in the heck could anyone tell me...NOTHING! LOL, I am looking at marrying again and so far everyone is gungho...they like this guy...he meets their expectations and my parents really like him a lot which helps! LOL, I've been through enough life experiences to say I am going to make my own decisions no matter what. One thing I did learn is whateve you see now in a relationship is going to be the same stuff you see down the road i.e. that thing your SO does now that is semi-cute...it will be ugly in marriage! LOL, if you can deal with it now, it might be ok!
No; because my family has no clue about what makes me happy and fulfilled!
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