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I'm glad you qualified your OP. My strong suggestion was to go get it yourself(and, still is) and as someone already stated you could have done that in the time it takes to be on this forum, fast typer or not
As it concerns your relationship with your parents, only do what you are.......inspired(for lack of a better term) to do for them, that way it's done straight from the heart without any expectations as a result of the things you do for them. It's not unreasonable to expect others to reciprocate until, IMO, it becomes an issue, like what you describe. And then either discuss the issue with them or deal with it in whatever manner will bring peace to the situation. Get over the kindle thingy, just go get it yourself
Kathryn, I absolutely do not think it was unreasonable to ask your parents for this little favor. I do think it's unreasonable for you to think that they'll change - although I know you don't really feel that they will!! It's infuriating and I don't blame you. Some people have said they would never ask...that's me but it's because of how my parents are. My husband, on the other hand, has a family where they expect you to ask for help. They're helpful and genuine...down to earth...and they think nothing of helping another family member. It boggles my mind. My parents have never been like that...they make sure that there are conditions and rules set in place if they're going to help you. This is why I've NEVER ASKED...ok, I did once and it wasn't pretty.
Anyway, I feel your frustration. You are WAY too kind. I agree with mco65 - learn from your folks as a way NOT to be with your own kids. Sounds like you've got that down!!
OH...I love my Kindle. Don't let other people throw you off the scent of their selfishness by throwing in that tidbit about your "addiction". That's laughable. Honey, have a sip of wine and laugh at how silly your old parents are...really...silly!!
How would you know your brother is or is not paying rent? I would have never thought to ask..
I asked, because we were discussing his financial situation. He is very manipulative of my parents and has actually stolen from them before, so I have some concerns about him living there. He is irresponsible when it comes to money, though he makes good money.
I asked, because we were discussing his financial situation. He is very manipulative of my parents and has actually stolen from them before, so I have some concerns about him living there. He is irresponsible when it comes to money, though he makes good money.
Fair enough, but you have to know that his DEAL with your parents is not YOUR DEAL, its his.. he obviously negotiated a better deal. I know it probably sux, but that ship has already sailed. perhaps you should ask your brother to pick up your kindle for you!
Were you discussing your brothers financial situation with your brother or your parents.. personally, finances are off limits to me.. my sibling could make a million or not, makes no difference to me.. non of my business.
Kathryn, I absolutely do not think it was unreasonable to ask your parents for this little favor. I do think it's unreasonable for you to think that they'll change - although I know you don't really feel that they will!! It's infuriating and I don't blame you. Some people have said they would never ask...that's me but it's because of how my parents are. My husband, on the other hand, has a family where they expect you to ask for help. They're helpful and genuine...down to earth...and they think nothing of helping another family member. It boggles my mind. My parents have never been like that...they make sure that there are conditions and rules set in place if they're going to help you. This is why I've NEVER ASKED...ok, I did once and it wasn't pretty.
Anyway, I feel your frustration. You are WAY too kind. I agree with mco65 - learn from your folks as a way NOT to be with your own kids. Sounds like you've got that down!!
OH...I love my Kindle. Don't let other people throw you off the scent of their selfishness by throwing in that tidbit about your "addiction". That's laughable. Honey, have a sip of wine and laugh at how silly your old parents are...really...silly!!
THANK YOU for what I consider a reasonable response! And yes, I will have a glass of wine - but not before 6 pm - LOL! Or ...maybe four pm...
Heck, it's five o'clock somewhere!
Anyway, you're right - it's a matter of values. It's a clash of values, actually.
My parents have never been what you might call nurturing, and they have been self centered their whole lives. I'm not the only one noticing this - my own kids and my grandparents have often remarked about this trait in them. For instance, my dad made career choices (not out of struggles - out of wanting to get ahead faster) that dragged me through nine schools in eight years - in five different school districts. We moved about every two years - I mean, across state lines - for most of my childhood. My dad worked all the time, often out of town, and my mother is VERY emotionally detached. I learned how to be self sufficient a long time ago, which is why I so seldom ask them to do anything for me.
I'm not saying they are horrible people - they have a lot of good qualities. But they absolutely WILL NOT BE INCONVENIENCED.
When I had my kids - MY PARENTS' GRANDCHILDREN - they did not ever come to see the new baby. Not even when we lived just a few hours' drive away. That would be asking too much. They waited till we packed up everything several weeks later, boarded the dogs, and drove to see them.
Now that I am a grandmother several times over, I can't IMAGINE that. The minute my daughter called me and told me she was in labor, I was in the car driving (down the interstate! ) so excited I could hardly breathe! I always offered to stay a few days to help with the other kids - and my daughter and her husband always took me up on that offer.
This just seems normal to me. My parents seem abnormal to me.
Fair enough, but you have to know that his DEAL with your parents is not YOUR DEAL, its his.. he obviously negotiated a better deal. I know it probably sux, but that ship has already sailed. perhaps you should ask your brother to pick up your kindle for you!
Were you discussing your brothers financial situation with your brother or your parents.. personally, finances are off limits to me.. my sibling could make a million or not, makes no difference to me.. non of my business.
No, it's no "deal" he made with my parents. They never even considered asking him to pay rent.
Why is it a given that I would pay rent and it not even cross their minds that he would?
Remember, I am the law abiding, dutiful daughter. He is the person who has stolen from them, and who has a criminal record.
Houston, we have a problem.
Oh, and the reason why we were discussing his finances is because my parents were fretting and worrying about him so much - about "his situation." He plays the victim to them and gets them all riled up and upset, when the reality is, he has a good job, and he's going to be OK.
Your parents sound like mine. I also have a brother and we are treated differently.
I've stoped expecting ANYTHING from them and I do not ask them for ANYTHING. God forbid they go out of their way for 10 minutes to do something for me, when I've driven 6 hours one way before to do something for them. Stop expecting and rely only on yourself. Ignore what they do with your brother. That's what I do now. My mother knows the results of her actions...we don't have the relationship she now all of a sudden wants, I moved 1000 miles away without a thought eventhough she didn't want me to, I don't call (rarely), I visit once a year.
No, it's no "deal" he made with my parents. They never even considered asking him to pay rent.
Why is it a given that I would pay rent and it not even cross their minds that he would?
Remember, I am the law abiding, dutiful daughter. He is the person who has stolen from them, and who has a criminal record.
Houston, we have a problem.
Oh, and the reason why we were discussing his finances is because my parents were fretting and worrying about him so much - about "his situation." He plays the victim to them and gets them all riled up and upset, when the reality is, he has a good job, and he's going to be OK.
You might want to point that out to your brother..
He takes advantage of your parents
your parents take advantage of you
you know what rolls down hill...
Your situation just might get a lot worse with your brother living with your parents!
Kathryn, you're not being unreasonable about anything and you don't have an addiction. I LOVE my Kindle. So much that I finally convinced my husband to let me buy him one of his own.
I also understand about your parents. My ex-husband's parents were like that - waited until we went to visit before meeting their 2nd grandson, always had things to do when we invited them to visit. They were only 4 hours away and we had an extra room for them to stay in. My ex-husband resented that and always felt singled out. I used to think it was just their way.
You're not being unreasonable. And I'm glad you've vented about this issue. Have a 2nd glass of wine and read a while.
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) so excited I could hardly breathe! I always offered to stay a few days to help with the other kids - and my daughter and her husband always took me up on that offer. 