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My former manager was laid off a year ago. We got along fine professionally, and I wish him well, but he is a rather irritating person and we don't have much in common. He's sent me a few emails updating me about his personal life, and I responded to the first two politely, but I don't have the time or interest to start corresponding with him. He sends emails to my work and personal email address; some of them are just cutesy chain-mail stuff that I do NOT like to get. He calls me at home and leaves messages, nothing creepy, just much friendlier than I think our relationship was. He sent me several invitations to LinkedIn, which I am not interested in joining, which I said as nicely as I could. I thought if my first messages to him were polite but brief, he would stop trying to be my friend. A couple days ago, he sent me a Facebook friend request.
I hate rejecting people in general, and I don't want to be mean to the man, but I feel like I am being backed into a position where I have to tell him bluntly to leave me alone. It's not like he's a terrible person, just annoying and persistent. I could add him to Facebook and stick him on my "Life updates only" list or something, but I don't want to be his "friend," sending him emails about my family and all that. I have plenty of letters to my real friends and family I should be writing instead.
What do you think I should do? I should quit avoiding him, I suppose, but what can I say?
My former manager was laid off a year ago. We got along fine professionally, and I wish him well, but he is a rather irritating person and we don't have much in common. He's sent me a few emails updating me about his personal life, and I responded to the first two politely, but I don't have the time or interest to start corresponding with him. He sends emails to my work and personal email address; some of them are just cutesy chain-mail stuff that I do NOT like to get. He calls me at home and leaves messages, nothing creepy, just much friendlier than I think our relationship was. He sent me several invitations to LinkedIn, which I am not interested in joining, which I said as nicely as I could. I thought if my first messages to him were polite but brief, he would stop trying to be my friend. A couple days ago, he sent me a Facebook friend request.
I hate rejecting people in general, and I don't want to be mean to the man, but I feel like I am being backed into a position where I have to tell him bluntly to leave me alone. It's not like he's a terrible person, just annoying and persistent. I could add him to Facebook and stick him on my "Life updates only" list or something, but I don't want to be his "friend," sending him emails about my family and all that. I have plenty of letters to my real friends and family I should be writing instead.
What do you think I should do? I should quit avoiding him, I suppose, but what can I say?
Have you dealt with a similar situation?
I think you're being a tad too sensitive. But just a tad.
I'm usually the guy on the other end, and if I'm pushing too hard to enter somebody's life (as a friend) and feel like they want no part of me, I'll back off.
That said, he hasn't done anything which makes me think he wants to be anything more than friends. As far as you've written, he hasn't even asked to hang out yet. Seems like he just wants to keep in touch, and since he was a manager of yours, that's a good idea for you in a professional sense.
Try and think about things from his side. Maybe he has a hard time making friends. Or maybe he's just really social and is trying to keep a network. Is he really so bad that you couldn't add him as a facebook friend, respond to a few of his texts, and maybe meet up with him once a year for drinks?
I know he doesn't want to be anything more than friends. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. He can't do much (if anything) for me professionally, and if I wanted that I would join LinkedIn. He lives several states away so we're not meeting up (he and I were face-to-face three times in three years) or going out. He's probably bored and lonely (he retired), and I'm sure he's wondering why I haven't responded to him in months, but pitying a former VP who is 20+ years my senior and WAY above my payscale is very uncomfortable for me.
If I add him to Facebook, will he stop contacting me? Probably not. I don't like to be unkind, but I would be adding him to a list of people who get a few updates so I can pretend I am not there to get his messages. The whole thing feels phony.
I know he doesn't want to be anything more than friends. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. He can't do much (if anything) for me professionally, and if I wanted that I would join LinkedIn. He lives several states away so we're not meeting up (he and I were face-to-face three times in three years) or going out. He's probably bored and lonely (he retired), and I'm sure he's wondering why I haven't responded to him in months, but pitying a former VP who is 20+ years my senior and WAY above my payscale is very uncomfortable for me.
If I add him to Facebook, will he stop contacting me? Probably not. I don't like to be unkind, but I would be adding him to a list of people who get a few updates so I can pretend I am not there to get his messages. The whole thing feels phony.
You could ignore him, but I would add him.
Seems to me you're putting way too much stock in social conventions. Even some of the nice females I know do this. They are very picky about who they add on facebook and what not. If they don't like something about a girl or gal they meet, they won't add them.
The only people I truly will not associate with in this world are nasty and shallow people. Annoying but nice to me is totally OK. But that's just me. I've never been the homecoming king if you know what I mean.
If I add him to Facebook, will he stop contacting me? Probably not. I don't like to be unkind, but I would be adding him to a list of people who get a few updates so I can pretend I am not there to get his messages. The whole thing feels phony.
If you add him to Facebook, you can immediately hide him completely from your newsfeed. He can still contact you and comment on your posts, but you don't have to see what he posts, if that makes sense. I had to do this with a former grad student assistant who thinks that having a Facebook account makes her a minor celebrity.
Yes JustJulia, I have had a similar situation...I hated being non responsive, but that's what I did....eventually they got the message, and quit trying.
Take down your Facebook page, change your e-mail, disconnect your phone, and hide in your closet. He's a stalker. Just kidding. Just kidding. I'll pretty much friend everybody that asks on FB as long as I know them. I had a rather strange man that was a friend of a friend send me a friend request but I denied that one. I don't see the harm in adding him as a friend on FB, he obviously thought a lot of you while you were working together and I would take that as a compliment. (One of my best friends now was once my supervisor.) I find that extending kindness comes back to haunt you in a good way.
My former manager was laid off a year ago. We got along fine professionally, and I wish him well, but he is a rather irritating person and we don't have much in common. He's sent me a few emails updating me about his personal life, and I responded to the first two politely, but I don't have the time or interest to start corresponding with him. He sends emails to my work and personal email address; some of them are just cutesy chain-mail stuff that I do NOT like to get. He calls me at home and leaves messages, nothing creepy, just much friendlier than I think our relationship was. He sent me several invitations to LinkedIn, which I am not interested in joining, which I said as nicely as I could. I thought if my first messages to him were polite but brief, he would stop trying to be my friend. A couple days ago, he sent me a Facebook friend request.
I hate rejecting people in general, and I don't want to be mean to the man, but I feel like I am being backed into a position where I have to tell him bluntly to leave me alone. It's not like he's a terrible person, just annoying and persistent. I could add him to Facebook and stick him on my "Life updates only" list or something, but I don't want to be his "friend," sending him emails about my family and all that. I have plenty of letters to my real friends and family I should be writing instead.
What do you think I should do? I should quit avoiding him, I suppose, but what can I say?
Have you dealt with a similar situation?
Maybe you should just not reply to any of his messages and speak to him (if you want to) at your own pace. I' personally don't see him as being persistent, he's just being friendly.
The best way to get rid of anyone like that--> is to do unto them what they are doing to you.
Just start sending rambling emails, chain letters, stats, quotes, etc., etc.
Call and leave long messages detailing your whole day, current concerns, family isues, etc.
Send cards, letters, and text messages in plenty!
100% guaranteed to send the fella (anyone for that matter) running for the hills!
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