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as i get closer to 30, i can see it happening. when I was younger and in high school or college, we all had the same classes, dorms, etc. its easy to spend time with someone and then take it a step further. and of course, I was more naive back then (so is the other people when they are young). Back then I would be friends with anyone, trust anyone easily, and vice versa.
I think for most folks, myself included, after a few back-stabbings and money borrowed without return, people get smarter, and they build a wall around them so they at least screen the person for a while before they make friends, as there are some messed up people out there. this, of course, on top of getting older and working, having a partner, wanting alone time, obligations with aging parents and other life issues, etc.
I have 1 friend who i can talk anything to, another 2 that will change the subject once they feel uncomfortable talking about it (well one is a woman, so if she or me gets a mate, i know our friendship is over, she lives 3000 miles away but we talk once per 2 weeks, for hours at a time).
but anyways, in terms of money, i can say i have 3 people that will lend me 1000 dollars if i asked, but i do know that my group of friends is shrinking year after year, and the last time i made a friend was about 2 years ago (the friend who is a woman), if i exclude her then its been about 8 years since i met a good friend, while meeting quite a few that came and went, stabbed my back, etc. other than that I feel good about at least talking to someone about my life problems without them judging me, I do know some women will talk to their good friends about some stuff that they cant talk to with their husbands, and of course, guys talking to close guy friends that they cant talk to with their wives. having at least someone on this earth to share your feelings with is better than 0.
It does get harder. I have met some great people post college (I'm 31) but none of them share the history of large milestones with me as my long time friends. We did not experience the thrill (and challenges) of college, etc. Of course it can still happen, but I think it's much less likely. You can only fit so many close friends into your life.
I think as you get older you realize they aren't needed. Teens tend to find themselves through their friendships but usually people have a stronger sense of self as they age (ideally). So when that happens, that need for a best friend usually goes down.
For me, I found that I can have connections with people most anywhere, 1 or 2 and it can just surround an idea or a project and that's cool. That can build or die with time or it can remain as it is but it's not the end of the world.
Someone just wrote a thread similar to this a couple minutes ago.
I still wondering why people in their late 20s are concerned about "friends" and not mates.
i'm not concerned about "friends" but more of "best" friends, but i do feel people should at least have 1 person they can talk to about their problems that is not their spouse. i mean, whats the divorce rate? how many unhappy marriages are out there? can everyone tell their spouces every little secret they have? I do believe having 1 person to talk to that is not your therapist is something that is important.
It may be that your best friend is a family member. Many times it comes to that. I find that really good friends are not that common, at least in my life.
Really good friends have to go through things together, feel some pain and maybe have some small triumphs. This becomes rarer and rarer the older you get. At least that is my experience.
Friends are hard to make at any age man. It is even harder to make them after you gradate from high school (if u didn't decided to go to college), or post college. People make friends on common interests. I came to the conclusion that friends/aquaintances come and go alot in life. I think the best friends is overrated. People change best friends once their friend makes a mistake. We are human, we are going to make make mistakes. That is why friends are hard to make cuz people want perfect friends. I tend to think that people send most of their early years trying to find a spouse because they have a hard time making friends or keeping them. sigh.. Life is confusing.
I think it has more to do with priorities than "ease."
Once people move away from the adolescence of being in school, or very young adulthood, they start to develop new priorities which eat into their time. A lot of people develop careers which become an obligation, long term relationships with "mates" which is an obligation, many have kids which become an obligation, those who buy homes have additional time obligations. (Obligation here is not a negative either, some are wanted/desired obligations).
All of this leaves less idle time and energy to pursue, foster, and grow outside "best" friendships with other people.
Honestly, my "new" best friends as an adult have really been romantic interests. Why? When your dating, developing LTR's, etc, your new mate becomes a focus and priority in your life. It is where your time and energy goes for developing the close bonds of friendship a "best" friend relationship would need. It is also conducive to finding a best friend, since generally your LTR is going to be with someone who not only has shared interests, but shared goals, plans, life direction, etc... as well as being as committed to making a lot of time for you as you are in making it for them.
After all that, many adults just do not have a ton of time to go out, seek out, and develop a lot of other "best friend" relationships with other people.
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