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Take a deep breath and ask someone who knows you well, and whom you trust, this question. But don't ask unless you really want to know, and would change your behavior if you heard the reason.
Take a deep breath and ask someone who knows you well, and whom you trust, this question. But don't ask unless you really want to know, and would change your behavior if you heard the reason.
Silibran nailed it OP. And, you don't seem to have a social circle, I'm sorry to say. You are outside of the circles.
Silibran nailed it OP. And, you don't seem to have a social circle, I'm sorry to say. You are outside of the circles.
Yes and no. If they're in a similar situation to me, being one of the only ones left (within my "peer group") without a spouse and/or children, it's not unusual to be excluded from certain social events - by friends I've had since childhood sometimes, just because they don't think I'd enjoy kid-centered activities. If they're being excluded from EVERYTHING, or don't fit in that category, then you probably have a point.
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Redguitar, is this something new - as in, you used to have friends and did things together but suddenly they stopped wanting to be around you?
Or do you mean people who should be your social circles (classmates, neighbors, family, co-workers, etc.) are not and although they see each other socially have never gotten together with you?
May I offer that in looking through your profile you've got some pretty unusual views? Maybe others don't feel like they have all that much in common with you?
Yes and no. If they're in a similar situation to me, being one of the only ones left (within my "peer group") without a spouse and/or children, it's not unusual to be excluded from certain social events - by friends I've had since childhood sometimes, just because they don't think I'd enjoy kid-centered activities. If they're being excluded from EVERYTHING, or don't fit in that category, then you probably have a point.
Yes. The lack of invites is more easily explained than the poor response to the OP's own invites.
Yes and no. If they're in a similar situation to me, being one of the only ones left (within my "peer group") without a spouse and/or children, it's not unusual to be excluded from certain social events - by friends I've had since childhood sometimes, just because they don't think I'd enjoy kid-centered activities. If they're being excluded from EVERYTHING, or don't fit in that category, then you probably have a point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
Redguitar, is this something new - as in, you used to have friends and did things together but suddenly they stopped wanting to be around you?
It isn't anything new. The people I'm talking about are people I know from my university dorm (I'm no longer in university) and people I know from local music shows.
Nobody I know has a spouse or child. I'm 23.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
May I offer that in looking through your profile you've got some pretty unusual views? Maybe others don't feel like they have all that much in common with you?
I don't share my views with people who I don't think would agree with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw
Do any of them smoke or drink – subjects you have strong views about and bring up here a lot?
Perhaps you're regarded as a buzzkill.
I don't think I've ever expressed anti-drinking views here, and the only anti-smoking views that I've expressed here involved my parents having a position of power over me and I no longer care about second-hand smoke like I did at the time of the events that I was talking about (elementary school).
I know they do things with each other, but never with me. It can't just me a certain social circle being mean because all my social circles do this.
Some people, maybe most people, derive some satisfaction from excluding one or more from their circle. It gives them a sense of specialness, of elitism, with the bonus that they may look upon you with pity. Occasionally, they will invite you, to throw you a bone and assuage any lingering feelings of guilt they may harbor.
The best and only real solution is to find other friends. Eventually, you will find likeminded people to hang out with, who will sincerely enjoy you and you them, and you will leave this shallow group behind.
Being borderline Aspergers is challenging and can be a turnoff for some people who don't want to have to work hard in a relationship, and Aspergers can require some work.
I'm no expert in this, but perhaps you can make up for any possible social deficits by overcompensating on the side of listening to your friends and expressing great interest in their lives. Try not to share too much of your own troubles, but focus on them. For example, always lead by asking how their week went, how life is going, how is their relationship with so-and-so, would they like a piece of chocolate, etc. It may feel awkward and one-sided, but since Aspies tend to be a bit tone deaf in relationships, by practicing these things you can break through barriers and develop some genuine friendships. A good person will respond by expressing interest in your life, and if they don't, after several months, you can recognize that and move on.
I have several friends who never invite me. We have cordial chats when together (we're all involved in frequent music-and-dance activities). They seem nice enough. But they have no room for me in their lives beyond a superficial relationship based on happenstance. They seem to be saying, "If I see you at this festival, I'll interact with you, but I'll not go deeper than that." That used to hurt my feelings, but I've learned to recognize and accept it, and I respond by being cordial and giving them the benefit of the doubt. But I'll reserve my time and energy for those who are more interested in going deeper.
Just some thoughts and ideas on a Friday morning. Best of luck and bear in mind, relationships are a tough nut to crack! No one finds it easy.
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