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My personal experience is the exact opposite.
I am friends with more people in my 50s than ever before.... but I am not introverted by nature as you profess to be.
Like cindersslipper said, you have to put yourself out there.
Be a friend.
Volunteer.
My personal experience is the exact opposite.
I am friends with more people in my 50s than ever before.... but I am not introverted by nature as you profess to be.
Like cindersslipper said, you have to put yourself out there.
Be a friend.
Volunteer.
I often felt that as people get older past their 50s and 60s friendships start becoming important again. I can't think of many people in their 60s or older just sitting around or sticking to themselves all days. I know all my grandparents have lots of social activities and friends they hang out with. It's mostly people around 25-50 years old that seem totally disconnected from making friends.
One thing worth mentioning is that like some other people have said, situations and circumstances change a lot more as you get older. When you are in high school, everyone is always in contact and in near proximity, and for the most part no one is going anywhere. Even in college, most people spend 4-6 years at the same institution with the same people (especially if you live on campus of course). Being in situations like this lets connections turn into friendships, and these things stick for a long time. That's why I'm not surprised by stories I hear about people who are BFFs with their high school or college pals even into adulthood.
But things happen. People move to different places, and friendships eventually fade out, I mean, you're still friends, but it's hard to do stuff when you may be thousands miles of away from each other. I know I've personally had lots of situations like this. I've moved around a lot (lived in 5 different states) as I've gotten my education and have gotten my career off the ground. Just as soon as I start making good friends in one place, stuff happens. I move to take a new job, co-workers move to get a new job. People shift around just like that the best of friendships fade away.
For the most part though, I guess it just really does seem like most people really are not interested in making friends as they get busier with their adult lives.
Well I think as people move from their 20s into their 30s, they are more involved in family, spouses or partners, their kids, jobs and so on. So it would make sense that friends can go on the back burner.
I must say that in my 20s and 30s (no kids) I had a very wide and active social life. Because I was still in a place in my life when staying in on Friday and Saturday night was loser-ville, LOL.
But that said...at 55, I have very good friends and many that I've made within the last decade (I moved to a new state in 2001.) The focus isn't so much on going out and doing stuff now; rather just connecting by phone/email/texting and getting together for the occasional meal/movie/shopping/holiday.
You may be right that friendship starts to become more important in one's 50s and 60s, after the kids have left the nest.
This morning I picked up a friend and we went shopping, then met another mutual friend for a late lunch. Then we all went our separate ways to do whatever. Perhaps another factor is, as one matures one is more comfortable doing things alone or not feeling the need to be social.
I know I've become less preoccupied with having/making friends now that I'm over 30. You reach a point where it becomes difficult to tolerate other people's issues and nonsense just for the sake of being "friends". It becomes easier to write people off who annoy you or cause grief as you get older and more comfortable with your own identity. I never used to give much thought to how the company I kept reflected on me, but nowadays I roll solo and go about my own business the vast majority of the time. It's rare to catch me with a herd anymore. I've never been good at following people around and trying to lead them takes too much effort. I guess you could say the terms on which I care to deal with other people has gotten narrower with age.
This...succinctly said and exactly my point of view as well. I have a few great friends that I have had for many years and when I/we want to see each other or get together for breakfast or lunch on the weekends, we do, but mostly we stay in touch by phone. When I need to go shopping or run errands I really don't want to have to drag someone else with me, it's just far more expeditious to run solo.
I feel badly sometimes that I feel the way I do about this but I suppose due to different lifestyles, children, husbands and jobs over the years this solo attitude was inevitable.
Back when I worked, making friends was easy. Going out for lunch, the occasional after-work event, etc. Since I stopped working in 2005, all of the people I worked with have moved far away. I've done the taking classes thing, volunteering, going to the gym, and it's tough. I finally get together with one of the ladies at the gym, and we go out to dinner occasionally. It's a start. I'd like to fine a few more friends. My husband travels for business extensively, and it gets dull eating alone 4-5 nights a week.
It seems to me that once people reach a certain age, they've got their friends all scoped out, and don't expand their circle much to include newbies.
It seems to me that once people reach a certain age, they've got their friends all scoped out, and don't expand their circle much to include newbies.
What age would that be?
I am 58 and just got into two expanding circles of ladies. The one group has ladies up into their 80s. So that "certain age" has got to be higher than that!
The other group is 30s through 50s.
There is one very easy solution: make friends with younger people.
I'm no spring chicken but none of my chums are my age. I just seem to have more in common with younger people than people my age (I live with roommates, don't have a college degree, don't have kids, no marriage etc)
Also, keep in mind there are plenty of older people who want to make friends too, it is just that they aren't usually "conventional" people. People without kids are much more likely to want to be your friend than a married couple with kids.
It's extremely hard. Most people by the ages inquired about have already formed long lasting relationships and dedicate time to only those, as well as a family if they start one. Between working jobs we hate to buy crap we don't need, [Thank you, Tyler Durden] family and long time friends, people really have no time for anyone else. If you're over a certain age and without friends you're going to have to accept that your life will be one of solitude.
As one who has chosen that for himself, it's not so bad. Then again, if you need people you might find it extremely difficult. You're going to have to try and adapt to new trends, go ''clubbing'' and be ''that guy'' who everyone knows is older and out of his or her element.
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