My loser brother in law and his brat girlfriend (jealous, wife, spouse)
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This is long, I need to rant here. I have had it with my loser brother in lawand his brat girlfriend disrespecting my husband and his family. My brother in law is a bum. He was kicked out of the air force a fewyears ago because he was lazy and gained too much wait (they gave a certainamount of time to lose weight, he didn't). For a couple of years he literally did nothing-sat on his a** collectingunemployment or whatever from the military. They have him extra money for school, so he went & took 1 or 2 classesat a time, bare minimum. He is one ofthe most annoying people I've ever known. He cuts into the middle of conversations, he's loud & obnoxious, andhe's dumb. He never actually contributesanything useful or interesting to the conversation. He lives with his girlfriend, and can't evenpay rent because he's a loser. He isfinally going to school full time though, because he will lose the $$ from thegovernment soon. He also started workingpart time, but of course isn't making enough to contribute to bills, andcomplains relentlessly about how 'busy' he is (he literally mentioned how hehad to work 4 hours on Friday-oh the horror). I worked 2 jobs while taking 18 credits when I went to school, get over it! His girlfriend, who he is living off of, makes decent money as a nurse. He brings her up in every conversation, andwill cut in mid sentence to brag (like we were talking about how much X-raytechs make, and he cut in "Well __ makes $80k a year…" even though inthe past he's mentioned less than that. We are convinced he actually has no clue how much she actually makes
Ok, the girlfriend-they fight a lot. She gets jealous easily, and will start fights over stupid things like you looked at that girl's butt (even though my brother in law is one of the least attractive people I've ever met). Around the holidays, it's always that sherefuses to see his family, she will only spend it with hers, and he is expectedto go with her. That's right, everyholiday he is expected to just go to her family and not see his. We figured ok, she's a brat, but he couldnever do better. Then this year a lot ofcrap happened. She bought a house, andmy brother in law asked my husband to help him move a sofa---1 sofa. We get there, and low and behold it's notjust a sofa….they need help with the entire apartment. So my lazy brother in law would move onething, then stand there out of breath, with his arms on his hips, while myhusband, the girlfriend and I moved just about everything. We get to her house, and her mother is therepainting. Her mother was unfriendly toall of us & couldn't be bothered to say hello (my father in law and hisgirlfriend were there, as she had invited all of us to come see the place andhave drinks & snacks). Thegirlfriend & my brother in law get in a fight, then they all unload thetruck, moving in all of the furniture. Once thetruck is emptied, my brother in law comes into the kitchen & tells us thegirlfriend says we all have to leave-because they had a fight. So, basically, my husband just moved all ofyour sh*t, & then you kick us out minutes later. Real nice. I never got a thank you for the housewarming gift either.
A month later, we bought our home. No congrats from her, never comes to see thehouse, no house warming gift. Then myannoying brother in law tells us she's mad at us because we didn't do anythingfor her birthday…while we were in the middle of purchasing our new home. We didn't even know it was her birthday,since she doesn't bother to talk to us, and since they didn't bother to inviteus to whatever they were doing. So fastforward another month. My husband and I,who weren't married yet, had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in AtlanticCity. My friend texted the girlfriend toinvite her, and she responded "No." That's it, no 'thanks for the invite' or 'sorry I have to work,' oranything like that. My husband also toldme that my brother in law literally told her about his attending the day of,because she wouldn't have let him go if he told her about it ahead of time. He gets to AC & gets a text from hersaying "I can't believe you went, don't you love me" or somethinglike that, so he texted back "This is my brother & I am hear for him& his fiance, deal with it" & shuts off his phone. Hours later he turns it on & had like 20texts from her saying things like "I hope you eat something bad and getsick," "I hope you have sex with a stripper & get STD's"WHAT?? First of all, this was a combinedthing, with our parents! It's not likeit was a group of guys livin it up in Vegas, my DAD was there! So, he goes home ready to break it off, andshe tells him she is sorry, she doesn't want to lose him & she will getmental help. He decides to give it another go.
So we basically haven't seen her in about 6 months. Of course she didn't attend the wedding, andwe got no gift from either of them. Noteven a card (yes, my brother in law did attend). We don't ask about her, andmy husband told his brother to stop talking about her, because every time hewould see him he would go on & on about her house, her job, her money orwhatever, when she is nothing but a psycho who has disrespected both him &his family. He has admitted to myhusband that he is mostly with her because he lives there for free and hasnowhere to go (of course, any chump can get a job and find a cheap apartment,but he can't take care of himself). Sometimes my brother in law will not answer my husbands or dads texts,or phone calls, and when they finally hear from him he lies to them aboutit. My husband has caught him in severallies, and it hurts his feelings when his brother blows him off and lies (Likewhen he claimed he never got a text, yet my husband saw it in his phone).
For Thanksgiving, we went to my parents, then to my fatherin law's for dessert. My husband spoketo his brother on Wednesday, and said 'what are you up to?' His brother hesitated, then said 'We areprepping for tomorrow.' Turns out theyhosted Thanksgiving at her house, and none of my husband's family wasinvited. Ok, we get it, she doesn't likeus or whatever, I'm cool with it, but my husband & his father were bothhurt. His brother comes to his dad's alone for dessert, and his dad'sgirlfriend asks where she is. Heresponds rudely (since he doesn't know how to talk to people in a civil manner)"Well she didn't want to be rude, her parents were still there when Ileft." No "she's sorry shecouldn't make it,' No 'She wishes you all a happy Thanksgiving." God forbid. At one point, while he was stuffing his face with cheesecake, he lookedat me & said how wonderful his girlfriend's cheesecake is, and how everyoneraves about it. So, you think it's ok tosit there & eat your dad's girlfriend's homemade cheesecake, and look at me& brag about your girlfriend, who couldn't bother to show up, invite us toher house, or wish us a happy Thanksgiving? I completely ignored him, and started a conversation with dad'sgirlfriend. I can't…I just can't standhow disrespectful he is. He couldn'tcare less that his girlfriend disrespects his family, and would rather live offof her than face her. I could tell thefirst year I knew her she had low self-esteem, and I'm pretty sure that's whyshe's still with him. It is a toxic relationship, but I don't want themto break up, because my husband will offer the spare bedroom in our home tohim, and I think he should just be forced to be on his own, get a job, and gethis own place for once. If they do breakup, this could end up being a big argument between us and it worries me. Then I get p*ssed off thinking about the factthat it worries me lol.
My husband says I have to get her a Christmas present,because it's the right thing to do. I'mstarting to think that there's no point, since we probably won't see heranyway. Or am I just stooping to herlevel there? I am hoping she doesn'tshow up, and I have no desire to see her. I have no desire to see my brother in law either, but that is somethingI will have to live with. I just neededto vent, because sometimes my husband gets upset if I talk about it toomuch. It's kind of one of those thingswhere he can complain about his brother, but when I complain he gets mad. So thank you.
Last edited by jrsydevil82; 12-02-2013 at 10:10 AM..
Somehow in all of that 8-point type (please go back and edit and take out the coding, then insert spaces between paragraphs), I get the impression that you don't like these people, they have treated you and your husband poorly, and that your husband says you need to get her a birthday present.
I don't know how old you are, but I'm 47, and I simply don't deal with people I don't like. (I did not go to Thanksgiving at my SO's cousins' place because I can't stand my SO's uncle and did not have the patience to deal with him this year. Hanging out at home, alone with my pet and a good computer game, and not listening to that ignorant man's political commentary was pure bliss.) Tell your husband if he thinks she deserves a gift, he can go out shopping for it and spend his own money on it. Likewise, if your husband wants to deal with his brother and his brother's girlfriend, he is more than welcome to, but barring holidays, where you will be polite for manners' sake, you will not have anything to do with them and will make yourself scarce when they come around. Let your husband cook for them, entertain them, shop and pay for their gifts, etc. There is no law you have to subject yourself to that. I don't do it for one of my own siblings. I dang sure wouldn't do it for a spouse or partner's. They're his problem, not mine.
Oh, and one more thing: Tell your husband that you don't want to hear his complaining about their behavior. If he continues to subject himself to their stupidity, that's his choice--and fault. If he has a problem with them, he can talk to them about it.
Something tells me that without you there to do grunt work or be a sounding board, yourself, your husband will either lay it out with them or decide not to bother with them too much anymore, himself. Either way, you get peace and quiet.
Thanks...sorry for the font...I don't know how that happened :-/
I went to his dad's on Thanksgiving because I really like his dad & girlfriend, and it meant a lot to my husband. Lately, we just haven't been talking about his brother much, which is great, but Thanksgiving just struck a nerve I guess. I tried to edit it to make the font bigger, but I'm having a bit of trouble.
I get that you are just venting, and there isn't any advice required since nobody seems inclined to end the relationship. But, a gift for the girlfriend? Hell no. The most I would consider doing is a joint gift for the unhappy couple, either a restaurant gift certificate or passes to a movie theater.
I put up with my brother and the Wicked Witch of the West (aka vile SIL) and their bad behavior for 25+ years in the name of "family". That only encouraged them in their bully, lying, and manipulating.
I enjoy holidays a lot more now that they are persona non grata to me -- and our other siblings -- and will stay that way. Blood relationships don't give anybody the right to treat family like something nasty they stepped in, and for somebody who's not even related by marriage ... well, the middle finger salute as I walked out the door would probably be suitable.
For years I watched my step dad get manipulated and treated poorly by his natural family and ex wife. It took fifteen years for him to see that they were doing it.
Two months before he died he changed his will, leaving it all to my Mom. They are still contesting. I hope he's laughing his azz off in Heaven.
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