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As I stated above, they are 100% absolutely in a better financial position than back then (still a good one back then which was why the offer was made). And I am in the same financial position as I was back then as well, actually maybe a bit less so at this point.
I am not waiting, I am simply wondering if the offer they suggested still stands? And wondering if it's rude to ask before making the purchase or just wait to see if anything is offered after the purchase. But knowing if they are contributing (as again, they have offered on their own, was not solicited by myself ever in anyway) because it might play into which item I would choose.
LOL. I know their work is done. No where did I imply that I expect anything financially, but I just wondered if it was rude to ask for something repeatedly promised to me on their own free will. That's all.
Stop being coy. What is the purchase, how old are you, and what are the circumstances that necessitate their help? Without that information, responses on an anonymous internet forum are more a reflection of other people's values than they are responses to your specific question.
You mentioned that they can "afford" it. What is that assumption based on? While they may not be living pay check to pay check, the money they give you could have an impact on their future retirement.
Stop being coy. What is the purchase, how old are you, and what are thecircumstances that necessitate their help? Without that information, responses on an anonymous internet forum are more a reflection of other people's values than they are responses to your specific question.
You mentioned that they can "afford" it. What is that assumption based on? While they may not be living pay check to pay check, the money they give you could have an impact on their future retirement.
That is very true. I was picturing someone in their late twenties or early thirties trying to decide which house to purchase. With Mom & Dad's help it may mean the difference between a "starter" house or a lower cost condo and a house that he may live in for decades.
OTOH, you be thinking that he is a college senior and his choice is between buying a 8 year old used car (without his parent's help) or a much newer car with their help.
And, the OP may really be a college freshman trying to decide on whether to buy a Mr. Coffee coffee maker for his dorm room or the expensive espresso machine that Mom & Dad offered to help him buy.
No, I wouldn't ask. People that want to give me a gift, including a gift of money, will give it to me when they want. I don't go around asking for gifts.
Yes, ask if the conversation is: "Hey folks, I am finally ready to buy a house and I am soooo excited. I have the funds I need to get something, but if you guys still want to be a part of this purchase let me know so I can set my budget"
No, if the conversation is: "Hey folks, I am now shopping for that alligator briefcase, belt and matching shoes I always admired at Nordstroms. Are you still offering to contribute?"
As a parent, it gives me joy to contribute to a house so my kids can have just a bit nicer place. That's just such a significant purchase they will enjoy for a long time and always be special as their first house.
But, a luxury item.....I believe is just that and one should get themselves or as unsolicited gifts
If you can afford it on your own, why would they help you? Don't people "help" when people actually need it?
Good question. They offered on their own a few times over the last few years, so I guess they had reasons for offering. Some parents actually do give to their children b/c they financially can and they enjoy it. Some parents don't want their children to only reap the benefits of their own hard work when they die, they want to generously help their children live an even better life in the present, not 30 years down the line. That does happen in the world.
To clarify what another poster asked - Nothing necessitates their help. Never said it did. Just asked if they have repeatedly offered, so should I ask before I make the purchase since it could play a slight factor into the end result purchase. Really no need to overanalyze this situation. Just say why you would or would not ask beforehand.
And I am not being coy. I just see no reason to post other details since the main points are:
1)it's an important purchase
2)they are in the position to help still (I don't need to explain HOW I know this, just assume I correct in my statement)
3)they have offered without solicitation various times over the years.
So I was wondering what others would do in that exact situation. That's all.
Last edited by Glad2BHere; 06-14-2014 at 07:56 PM..
I would, but I have a particularly open relationship with my parents and they WANT me to have some of their money now instead of just when they die. They have more than I do.
I suppose I wouldn't if relations were strained or I knew they didn't have much to begin with.
If it happened with my parents, I would simply say, remember when you said you would help pay for such and such and I'm wondering if the offer is still on because I'm ready to buy it?
I don't see a problem with asking since they offered and are able to but I do think the way you ask is important. Asking before you make the final purchase shows consideration to them and being thankful rather then expecting it.
Personally, I think it is not only rude, but presumptuous to assume that your parents are willing to continue to fund your purchases when you are able to provide for yourself. At the time they made the comment perhaps their financial situation was at a place where it would have been no problem.
Rude? How could it possibly be rude? They offered several times of their own free will; why would it be rude to ask them about it? You're making a lot of assumptions in your post about what everyone's situation might be - why not just limit your assumptions to the assumption that every party in this arrangement is an adult, and fully capable of deciding for themselves what their situation is and what they can and can not afford.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CFoulke
Given the turn of the economy today - and I don't know how long ago the conversation occurred - they may not be in a financial situation right now where they could help out even if they wanted to and maybe that's not something they would want you to know. What if you ask and instead of being honest they dug into their savings or financed it - that might a hardship for them - when you can clearly afford to do it on your own.
And what if it isn't a hardship for them, but something they can easily afford and want to do for the OP as a gift or something of that nature? I think you're overthinking a lot of the details in this situation, making a lot of assumptions, and making it a lot more complicated than it needs to be. If they can't afford it anymore, then it's up to them to make that decision and tell the poster what they've decided.
Why assume that they might do something stupid and self-destructive simply because they're afraid or ashamed to admit they can't afford it anymore? You keep saying the OP is a grownup - if you're going to base your advice on so many assumptions, why not just assume that they are, as well? Seems like it's just as easy to make that assumption as it is to assume that they aren't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CFoulke
They raised you already - their work is done.
Nobody said otherwise, but what's the relevance of this? Lots of parents choose to give their adult children gifts, for many reasons. Maybe the OP has worked hard for many years to save the downpayment for a house, and they respect that so much that they want to help out by making it easier for them. Maybe they're very well off and intend to leave the OP a lot of money when they pass, but for some reason have decided that they'd rather share it now. Maybe the OP has always dreamed of opening a philanthropic business, and they are so moved by his or her altruistic aspirations that they want to be a part of that dream.
Whatever the circumstances, the bottom line is that when they repeatedly made the offer of their own free will, they knew the OP's circumstances, and none of us do. They saw fit to make the offer, for reasons of their own, and none of us are qualified to judge whether or not it was appropriate for them to do so. If we're going to make assumptions about that, the most logical (and, I think, most respectful) assumption to make is that it was appropriate. If we assume that, then there's nothing inappropriate in the OP asking them if they still mean what they said. They're all adults; let's let them do their own thinking, and not diminish any of the parties involved by doing it for them.
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