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The fact that you think your friends need to think the way you do in order to be your friend is the real problem with your "belief system". Well that and you are incredibly judgmental.
I would agree with you on literally every single point FOR MYSELF (agnostic, non-smoker, one bio kid plus three non, piscetarian, and so on) but I would never presume to tell my friends or anyone that they are supposed to do all of those things. Oh, and given the fact that you give yourself a pass for wearing the carcass of an animal, you are kind of a hypocrite too.
Friendship is based on much more than belief system. When you mature you may realize that.
It should be the imperative for all living things to want a peaceful, healthful, loving social and physical environment... ya know?
My intentions are fuelled by love.. they always have been.. i mean, I love the Earth, I love good people with virtue, I love people who are good enough not to steal.. i don't betray people.. i don't steal from people.. I don't eat animals.. i try to minimize my waste.. i believe the practice of smoking cigarettes because it *gradually* kills people including me (a humanitarian point of view, IMO) should be obliterated.. i respect people who are dedicated partners.. i am loving/patient towards children even when they are damn little brats and try to explain things to them..
but so many times I have been betrayed. So many, SO MANY people are fuelled by a dark hate.. I don't understand that and it's caused me to push people away over the years.. my very existence has been threatened by people who have been so dark in their hearts, they came close to killing me for no rational reason, but only for a small remark informing them of the senselessness of their mind (including my own father).
My own foster parents have stolen from me when I was a 16 year old placed in foster care in East LA.
I was beaten, physically/emotionally abused by my own parents.. they don't speak to me today..
And you know, it has made me build up a thick skin, push away people when I can begin to tell they don't have that nature I've had.. (only today, I also reject people if I think they lack common sense.. i mean, super religious people may have positive intentions, but they are also plain dumb, which is a turn-off.. I believed in fairies when I was 7, but today, as an adult, I would not even consider the possibility of a minuscule flying human!)
When I was about 14, I said I love everyone. You ask me that today, at 22, having been very jaded, and I say I love very very few fellow humans because they are all just so screwy in their heads!
When y'all all encounter people like me, I mean antisocial people, if you want to make the world a better place, I do suggest that y'all be loving and patient, rather than try to castigate me as people tend to do, or tell me that I'm immature and how to live my life. I use my brain, and am happy with the results of its workings. I've been remarkably resilient in terms of getting over being stabbed in the back so many times by crappy people. I have all the right in the world to reject all people other than ones with common sense and who are driven by love for not only *good* humans but for other animals and the health of our planet... this is my mechanism to minimize chances of further emotional bloodshed... because making friends with random people without an initial screening most definitely has NOT worked to my advantage thus far...
I just want to point out that I don't think you have been "remarkably resilient in terms of getting over being stabbed in the back so many times."
You've admitted you are using your "list" to justify to yourself (and others) why you won't let anyone close to you. It's a giant wall that you have put up to keep people from hurting you again. You tell yourself that you are a smarter, better person, and "screw them all!" but that doesn't bring healing to that hole in your gut. You went from being loving to being jaded. That's not resiliency. Resiliency is bouncing back to your original form...or a better form.
And your list for your dream friend? It's full of holes. I don't think any of the things you listed will guarantee that a person won't hurt you or backstab you. You'll just have more in common when they do.
Now, you'll get all mad and call me stupid and blah blah. Isn't that part of what turned you so jaded, all the hate spewed at you? I would think one of the rules on your list would have at least been the "Golden Rule." Ditch that demanding list and start with just that one - it will weed the bad folks out right and left!
And get a therapist if you don't already have one. You've been through hell, OP.
If you force your, less than mainstream, opinions on others, you will face rejection. We all have our own opinions, but with maturity we learn to have respect for the opinions of others.
Maybe if you try this, you will get a warmer reception.
I have always felt extremely alone in the world because ever since a little girl, I have thought very differently than others. I have attempted to hold friendships with "normal" girls, and despite being polite and cheerful, things never panned out, I think which is largely attributed to my alternative modes of thought. In what will probably be another sad attempt at finding someone congruent, I will list my strongest convictions. If you think the same way, hit me back.
Two disclaimers, though: 1) I know that attempts such as this are most likely futile, because I am so different. 2) I prefer to be alone than with people who I don't see eye to eye with. I am generally very polite to everyone and am very quiet about my opposing views, but as far as deep and personal relationships go, I don't bother with people.
1. I am agnostic. I think religion is a massive waste of time. Especially the ones with extravagant, illogical, and flat out ridiculous stories (like Noah's Ark). I wouldn't say I'm an atheist because I don't know what happens after we die, and I really don't care. I don't believe in anything supernatural for that matter, except out of body experiences which I've heard about from people I trust. Also, I don't believe in God. This world is extremely amazing, but I think science and evolution is responsible.
2. I think love is a very special thing. I would never be unfaithful to the person I love, which means I would never go behind their back and have sex with another person. For me, sex is special and important because it is an intense bonding experience to the people we care about. To have sex with a person other than that loved one is to diminish the bond we've established with them, through forming one with another person. It waters down the intimate feeling we have. For me, love is quality over quantity, and love and sex go hand in hand. I think people who cheat on their partners are extremely despicable, because I have respect for the human love bond and know that that inflicts great emotional pain.
3. I think it is atrocious that people who could very easily make the switch to a meat free diet, yet do not, are ignorant and lacking in compassion. I enjoy organic dairy products and free-range eggs, so I am not fully against utilizing animals products for consumption, so long as they can still live a peaceful life (as opposed to having their heads chopped off). Whenever I have voiced my feelings on this, I have always received a great deal of disrespect and flat out hatred from other people, even though I have done so politely, so I have gotten used to being silent about it.
4. I have no problems with people having love and sex with people of the same gender. I think this has a lot to do with feeling our planet faces a massive problem: overpopulation.
5. I don't ever want to have children, mainly because I do not want to contribute to the problem of global overpopulation. I know that developed countries, mainly Europe and Japan, have low birth rates, but developing and under-developed countries (mainly Africa, China, and India) have far too many children. I know that religions encourage people to have children, which is one reason I am opposed to them. I feel that one of the best things to do to prevent further damage to Earth and preserve resources is to abstain having children. (I would like to have my tubes tied, but doctors simply won't allow me to.) However, I know that raising a person and supporting them can be a good, emotionally rewarding experience. If I did, I'd adopt.
6. I don't feel that any ethnicity of person is essentially better or worse. However, I do tend to make some generalizations about people based on where they live, particularly people from different countries, because I am well aware that the power of socialization is very potent. When I've indicated this to others, I've received a lot of hatred. However, this tends to be true; if you take a random person from Texas and a random person from Iraq and make some guesses about their general modes of thought, the customs they practice, etc., chances are you will be right. I really don't understand what's wrong with making an educated guess about someone based on what part of the world they were raised in. However, I am not one to be disrespectful or extra nice to anyone based on the simple knowledge of where/how they grew up, which would be asinine. I am nice and polite to all people, as long as they seem nice and polite too.
7. I think cigarette smoking is ridiculous, and that it should be banned in almost all parts of urban spaces, except for very small pockets in which the smoke is enclosed in a room so that it is not dispersed. I have experienced a great deal of belittlement, accusation of being a control freak for wanting to prolong my life/prevent cancer, and general meanness for voicing my opinion about this (which can be seen in my two threads on this site).
8. I think that abortion should be legal, mainly for the cases in which a woman is raped, or when birth control fails. However, I am against the general concept that abortion is to be used for when sex without any form of contraception is successful. I don't think of fetuses as intelligent, because they aren't, but the way I see it, it's the potential that they have to become a fully functioning human that makes reckless abortion essentially wrong.
If you feel the same way about these eight topics, that would blow my mind and you should get in touch with me.
However, if you disagree with all eight points, that is my expectation.
Also, I should probably mention some other things regarding morals... I believe everyone should recycle and compost. I also think wearing things that cause the death of an animal, i.e. fur and leather is wrong, but am more okay with that if it's to make use of body parts that would otherwise be discarded (i.e. if a cow was slaughtered mainly for its meat, this is more okay to me to wear its skin). I recycle as much as possible, but don't compost, because I don't cook often enough to warrant taking the bin out every day, and because it would attract bugs and make my house smell like rotting produce (based on past experience). I also wear leather products, because pleather is inferior in durability I think. So my behavior isn't ideal in terms of morals and I'm aware of that.
Oh, by the way, I am female and 22, living in Vancouver, Canada.
Your post is a prescription for loneliness, not friendship. Here's why.
1) Unless you suffer from moral vanity, then you surround yourself with people who are enjoyable to be around and people you trust, not how they pass some kind of litmus test. Some may think like you and others may not, but that really doesn't change their quality as a person.
2) Ideology is a very, very poor criterion for friendship. What's more, only having friends who think like you doesn't mean that you're part of an enlightened group. It means that you're intolerant of the beliefs of others. Believe it or not, intelligent, conscientious, and ethical people can hold positions distinctly different from your own. Not being able to exchange differing views with others in a respectful way and then change the subject is a sign of intellectual weakness, not strength.
3) Living in constants judgment of others is really a horrible way to live. Even those who manage to align with your rarefied ideology will feel they need to watch every word they say around you for fear of being not considered ideologically pure. Who wants a friend around whom they have to walk on eggshells?
I have always felt extremely alone in the world because ever since a little girl, I have thought very differently than others.
Oh, by the way, I am female and 22, living in Vancouver, Canada.
I stopped reading all the other replies and want to say this to you: You really are not that different than a lot of other people...I have known many people who have the same basic set of ideals as you. Therefore I find it interesting that you have not been able to find like-minded people as friends to create your own "circle".
Since I don't actually know you, I am going to offer only a guess as to what the problem might be: Is it possible that you are perhaps a bit too rigid with others? If one feels differently than you on even one topic do you automatically write them off?
I guess it just depends on how alone you feel and how much you want to gain friends...I personally enjoy many friends who are vastly different from me, because I find our differences interesting and refreshing. I feel that my world -- the world in fact -- would be so boring if everyone was exactly the same. Just food for thought.
Well, she's female and doesn't want children. I'm under the impression that most people do want kids so that restricts her from a serious relationship. Or even finding others who are not family oriented. My experience is it's a bad match in most cases a person/couple who has children and those who do not.
Also, if this is important, and since it's listed as #1 I'd say it is, I can see this being a problem in finding others that share her view:
Quote:
1. I am agnostic. I think religion is a massive waste of time.
Well, she's female and doesn't want children. I'm under the impression that most people do want kids so that restricts her from a serious relationship. Or even finding others who are not family oriented. My experience is it's a bad match in most cases a person/couple who has children and those who do not.
Also, if this is important, and since it's listed as #1 I'd say it is, I can see this being a problem in finding others that share her view:
I have plenty of friends who are agnostic or atheist. Somehow or another, the subject never comes up. Or, if it does, we move on to other subjects. The same is true of politics, taste in movies, marital status, and opinion about having children. On the whole, we have a pretty wide range of friends from all walks of life. Yet when we have a party, everybody has a good time. Fist fights don't break out. Nobody leaves in a huff. Because reasonable and mature people don't need the world to agree with them.
And that's really my point. She isn't wanting friends. She's wanting people to pass her ideological litmus test.
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